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“It’s empowering being your own boss. When the money starts coming, it feels good. You feel like you could handle anything.”
What if something happened, like last time? I was so confident I had it all together. But I didn’t. Everything came crashing down, and I realized it was all a lie, and my friends weren’t there for me. They were never friends at all. In the end, the only person who was there for me was Elle. I couldn’t forget that.
“Are you ever going to talk about what happened?” Elle asked gently.
Amelia was coloring her book in the living room, but Gray was present.
I shook my head, my stomach sinking. If I could forget about it, that would be ideal.
Gray took the hint and said, “I’ll check on Amelia.”
“I’m still not talking,” I said when he left.
“It might help. Besides, you’re scaring me more by staying quiet. I’m imagining all kinds of scary scenarios.”
I let out a breath. “I trusted someone I shouldn’t have.”
Elle leaned close. “Did he hurt you?”
I shook my head, not able to meet her eyes. “Not physically.”
Elle’s face fell. “I didn’t want that life for you.”
“It’s not your fault. You tried to tell me, protect me. But I didn’t want to be saved. I was stupid and immature.”
Elle’s brow furrowed. “How long are you going to punish yourself for one mistake?”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“That’s what it looks like. You’re not living life.”
“I am.” This was the safe life I should have been living all along. No risks. No crazy schemes. Just work and art. There wasn’t anything else for me.
“Don’t you want a family of your own?”
“I don’t think so.” Even though my heart squeezed at the idea. I wanted that more than anything.
“Because you had one bad guy in your past?”
“I almost broke you and Gray up.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I was awful.” I didn’t deserve any good in my life, but I’d cherish what I had: Elle, Amelia, and Gray, and now Sam and Maggie.
“It’s time for you to move on. To forgive yourself.”
“You’d need to forgive me first.” And even then, I might never let myself off the hook.
Elle wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. “I forgave you a long time ago. It’s you that needs to forgive yourself.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“You were a kid. You made a few mistakes. Besides, look at everything you’ve done since then. You helped us take care of Amelia. I love you. Gray loves you.”
I shook my head because there was zero chance that was true.
“You’re way too hard on yourself, but then I was probably the same way when I moved here. I was lucky I had Gray to show me differently.”
