AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I wanted to ask if he felt the same way, but that was a line I never crossed. Friendship was safer than a relationship, and I never asked questions I didn’t want the answers to.
“Will we sleep in the same room?”
“I would think so. Do you have any other questions? I don’t want you to go into this situation without having all the answers.” He reached across the table, covering my hand with his.
He’d done this a billion times before, but it felt more meaningful since he’d just asked me to move in with him and sleep in his bed. How had my life changed so drastically during the course of one meal?
I pasted on a smile that felt as fake as our budding relationship. “I’ll live with you and sleep in your bed. What else is there to know?”
“Do you want to put an end date to this? We date until the custody case is over, then we can break up.”
My heart tore a little at his words, even though it wasn’t real. A small part of me didn’t want an end date. I wanted to pretend this man was mine forever. But he wasn’t in love with me. I needed to rein in my desire for him.
If he hadn’t said anything before now, there was zero chance he was harboring real feelings for me outside of our friendship. I told myself that so I could manage this silly crush. But things were about to be unscripted, and I felt like the floor had been removed from beneath my feet.
I was grasping at anything I could hold on to. Right now, that was Harrison’s hand. I turned mine in his, interlacing our fingers. There was a roaring in my ears and a rush of light-headedness. It was like holding a boy’s hand for the first time when you were a teenager.
My heart beat faster, my palms were damp, and my breath hitched. Did he notice how he affected me?
“I wouldn’t blame you if you were panicking. This is a lot to take in, and I’ve ambushed you.”
He’d mistaken my reaction for nerves, not attraction. “I wouldn’t call this an ambush.”
He asked, and I said yes. I was an adult. I could handle the consequences of my decisions. Or at least I hoped I could, because I would soon be living with my lifelong crush. The one who had zero clues that I had feelings for him. Was this all going to come crashing down on our heads? Was I crazy to think this could work?
“Want to head out?” Harrison asked before letting go of my hand.
Outside, light drops of rain fell. “You want to come to the house?”
When he said “the house,” he was always referring to his. Because of Wren, that’s where we ended up most evenings.
“You can take a look around and see what you’d like to bring with you.”
“I can do that,” I said, even though I already knew what was in Harrison’s house. I spent so much time there that I knew it like my own home. I would need to bring my clothes and possibly a few favorite kitchen utensils. I didn’t want to move too many things. It was only temporary.
Harrison walked me to my car. “I need to pick up Wren on the way. Meet you there?”
When I nodded, my throat a little tight from our talk, he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It was an exchange we’d done a billion times before, but tonight, it felt different. His lips seemingly hovered over my skin for a second too long, the contact sending tingles down my spine.
“See you soon, girlfriend.” Then Harrison winked before turning around.
I opened my car door and slid inside. I let the panic fill me. I was going to be living with my best friend, sleeping in his bed, and wearing his grandmother’s ring. What had I done?
I’d never survive it. My heart beat so hard in my chest it hurt. I forced myself to take a few steadying breaths before I started the car and pulled from the curb.
I was a relatively cautious person. I thought carefully about every decision I made. But in this case, I hadn’t. Harrison needed me, and I was happy to help. But at what cost?
To be fair, Harrison had no idea I harbored a secret crush on him. It wasn’t his fault I couldn’t put him out of my mind.
As I pulled into his driveway, parking in my usual spot, I could almost convince myself that not much would change. I already spent several evenings a week here, cooking and eating dinner and playing games with Wren. Except now, I was moving in. I wouldn’t have an apartment to escape to when my feelings overwhelmed me.
With shaky fingers, I used my key to unlock his door and close it behind me. I looked at his house with new eyes. I’d be living here, setting my shoes next to his, hanging my key on the hook by the door, and waiting for him and Wren to come home to me.
It was too much, yet not enough. I needed it to be real. Yet at the same time, I wondered if Harrison was attractive to mebecausehe was unattainable. He didn’t like me as anything more than friends, so he was a safe bet. I wouldn’t get hurt, and he couldn’t walk away from me.
Maybe living together would prove that this crush was just that—a silly attraction that would dissipate in the light of reality. Maybe this was what I needed to do to finally lay it to rest. I didn’t want Harrison for real. It was just a nice fantasy that prevented me from finding someone who could be my future.
By the time Harrison arrived with Wren, I’d convinced myself that this was an experiment, a move in the right direction. An attempt to prove to myself that I could live with Harrison and that this crush would fade. Because at the end of the day, we were friends. No one had ever been there for me like he had, and I wouldn’t do anything to ruin it.
