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For my mom, Thanksgiving was the beginning of the end for us. Dad left shortly after, and our holidays were never the same again. I used to blame him, but now I thought it was just depressing to dwell on it. We should have moved on a long time ago.
I was up early Thursday morning. I needed to get to my mom’s to cook her a meal, but Harrison was still asleep. I left him a note, telling him I’d see him later at his family’s celebration.
I carried the groceries I bought to make a small Thanksgiving meal into my mom’s apartment. Opening the door, I was met with darkness. I knew better than to assume she was still asleep. She never opened the curtains and rarely ventured outside. She ordered groceries on an app and wallowed in her misery.
Today was no different. The curtains in the living room were drawn shut. No lights were on.
I set the bags on the counter, going back out to my car to get the rest. Not able to stand the darkness for another second, I asked, “Why is it so dark in here?” I moved around the room, opening one set of curtains, then the next.
Mom sat in her armchair in the living room, the TV playing in the background, but no sound was on. “You know why.”
“No. I don’t.” It was a gray day outside, but still, how could she stand not having the blinds open?
“Your father left us,” Mom said, bitterness creeping into her tone.
I barely stifled my responding groan. “He left a long time ago. I think it’s time for us to move on.”
“You obviously have. Moving in with Harrison, parading around town with him.”
When I moved in with Harrison, I’d texted to let her know. I avoided phone conversations with her as much as possible because she never failed to bring me down. “He’s my boyfriend.”
“You’d be stupid to think he’ll stick around,” Mom huffed.
I paused at the last window in the living room. How many times had I heard this? Had it embedded itself into my subconscious so that I never had a committed relationship with a man? Had her words, her bitterness, held me back?
I felt cold all over. Had that filtered into my work too? I’d stayed at a job that didn’t fulfill me. I’d played it safe.
“I think he’s going to propose,” I said carefully, needing to prove her wrong. It wasn’t real, but I wanted it to be.
“What are you going to say?” Mom asked.
“I’m going to say yes.” My jaw was set. That was the plan all along. Jackson needed Harrison to be engaged for the custody case to be successful. I wouldn’t stand in the way of him getting Wren more often, even if it hurt to think of it as fake.
Mom’s head whipped around. “You can’t be serious?”
“We’re living together. It’s serious.” That was the truth. This thing between Harrison and me felt more real than anything else in my life. Even if it carried the label of being fake. It started out that way, but then I’d always had feelings for him. Living with him only intensified them.
Mom’s face screwed up. “You can’t trust him.”
I spun on her. “Dad hurt you. He hurt me too, but it doesn’t mean that everyone will.” But did I truly believe that? I faltered at the venom I saw in her eyes.
Looking away, she said, “You didn’t learn anything then.”
“I’m not willing to be bitter about it anymore. If we allow him to change the filter through which we view the world for the rest of our lives, then he wins. And I’m no longer willing to stand by and be a spectator in my life. I’m going to live how I want to.”
Mom leaned forward. “Have you spoken to your father?”
“No.” That much was true. I knew where he lived, and occasionally, I stalked him on social media. But not lately. I didn’t need to see him happy with his other family, the one where he had a son and another daughter. It hurt too much. I wouldn’t subject myself to that. And what could he possibly have to say to me?
“I just can’t imagine where this is coming from.”
“Things are different with Harrison. He makes me see there’s more to life than how I’ve been living.” Keeping my distance from people so no one can hurt me.
Mom was quiet, staring at her hands.
I felt ignored, and maybe that was the point. It made me try again to get her attention. “Can you say you’re happy living like this? Just because Dad left doesn’t mean you can’t move on with someone else. Or, hell, just be happy living on your own. Why do you let that one betrayal ruin your life?”
Mom sniffed. “Are you finished?”
