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I shook my head. “I don’t think of myself that way.”
“Your father is good at drawing. I wonder if that’s where you got it from,” Sarah said with a smile.
I loved every tidbit I was picking up about my father. It was like a whole new world had been opened to me, one I’d never considered. A world where my father not only wanted me but loved me. It was almost too much to take in.
“If you create invitations, then you must be. May I see one?”
I opened my phone and scrolled through the pictures while Sarah put plates on the table with chicken and roasted veggies.
“These are amazing,” Dad said, and something bloomed in my chest. Something long dormant inside me.
I hadn’t realized I’d been seeking someone’s approval. My mother’s and now my father’s.
I wondered if my father had made more of an effort if I would have spent time here. Would I have played with my siblings?
During lunch, Dad told me about them. Kenneth was seventeen and a typical teenager who was into playing sports and video games. Andrea was fifteen and into competitive cheerleading and dance. Both were spending the afternoon with their friends. Would they want to get to know me, or would they see me as competition for our father’s attention?
When we finished eating, I said, “Thank you for lunch. It was good.”
“I’m glad you liked it,” Sarah said with a smile.
While Sarah cleaned up, Dad said, “I’m sorry you missed out on so much.”
“Will Kenneth and Andrea want to meet me?”
“I think so. They’ve always been curious about you. I have pictures of you on the wall. I never hid you.” Dad led me back into the living room to point out the ones I hadn’t seen of him and me. One was at a playground. Dad was pushing me on a swing, and I had a huge grin on my face.
“I’ve never seen these.” Mom took down any pictures when he left. I was afraid to ask what she did with them. I wondered if Mom hid them away somewhere because they didn’t fit into her story about my life. “I’m so angry at my mom for keeping you from me.”
“I am too, but I realized I don’t want to feel that way anymore. Let’s make up for the time lost and not waste any more dwelling on it.”
“I’ll try.” I still wanted to confront my mother, even if it didn’t get me anywhere. I was positive she’d continue to spin the story she always had. I was starting to think she believed it. She’d repeated it so many times it had become her reality. The one she continued to live with, even if it wasn’t the truth. “I feel sorry for her.”
“Me too. I’m happy with Sarah, but my heart was never whole. Not without you. I know it will take time to get used to, but can I come see you? Can we set up a time to meet again?”
“I’d like that.” I exchanged numbers with him and said good-bye, with promises to talk soon. I drove home, trying to figure out what I was going to do with all this new information. Visiting my dad was the best thing I’d ever done. It lifted the weight that perpetually pressed down on my chest.
My reality wasn’t what I’d been told to believe it was. I’d lived a lie. Relief and anger mixed together. My mother kept the truth from me, perpetuated a lie that my father didn’t want me, that I didn’t want to hear from him. It was inexcusable.
I wanted to talk to her about it, but I suspected I wouldn’t get the answers I wanted.
Mom believed her lies. That’s what I was coming to understand about her. Her reality was what she’d created. She wasn’t interested in the truth.
But I wanted to create a new reality. Despite my fight with Harrison, I felt hopeful. That I’d have a future with my father. That I’d meet my siblings. That we’d be a family together.
I had a family.Every time I said it, I sucked in a deep breath, letting go of some of the pain from my past.
When I arrived home, I was spent, emotionally and physically. My apartment was dark but cold because I’d left the windows open when I left for my trip. I closed the windows, cranked up the heat, and crawled into bed even though it was early, wishing I had someone to share the news with. But I couldn’t go to Harrison. Not yet.
I hoped everything was okay with Wren. That she was back where she belonged with Harrison. I hoped Lola came to her senses and realized what she was doing. Every other time Harrison deviated from the order was by agreement. This was in violation of any agreement, spoken or written. My gut burned for Harrison.
But his words were too close to the surface. I couldn’t believe he was the one who’d said them. I couldn’t possibly understand what he was going through because my father didn’t want me. It was the farthest thing from the truth. I wanted to be there for Harrison, but he didn’t let me. He’d told me to go.
I wasn’t sure where we’d go from here. Would he be open to talking about us? Or was he done with whatever was between us? I rolled the engagement ring around my finger. My father hadn’t mentioned it, and I forgot about it when I was talking to him. There were so many other things to cover. He wanted to hear about my life, and I wanted to learn everything about his. We’d never get back those lost years, but I had a family. It was my last thought before I drifted off.
Twenty-Three
HARRISON
