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When he didn’t move fast enough, I narrowed my eyes.
“Okay, okay. Getting the room—” he paused and lifted his fingers into air quotes “—set up. Whatever that means.”
Thatcher might have been confused, but I couldn’t have felt clearer. Setting up for a joint bachelorette/bachelor party in our honeymoon hotel room after we were already expecting a baby meant we were still the us I knew and loved. It meant we were wild and crazy and in love and all the things a million other people could only dream of being.
It meant that life as I knew it was here to stay, and I didn’t have to wonder how everything coming our way would change it.
And fluffing hell, I was going to make sure we enjoyed it.
Ilooked to my left and took in the vision that was my beautiful wife, sitting in a chair beside mine. Cass grinned over at me, her eyes alight with excitement and anticipation, and I tried my damnedest to force an equally entertained expression to my face.
On the inside, though? I could not shake the sense of impending weirdness.
Most people would’ve thought that their wife hiring strippers for the night would have been something to celebrate, but in that moment, it just felt like…shit was about to get strange.
Once Cass had finished off the lo mein, Magic Mark and Emma Bone—our exotic dance professionals for the evening—had commandeered our bathroom to do whatever it was strippers did before they performed, and I couldn’t deny I was pretty goddamn freaked out by the whole situation.
I mean, what the fluff was I supposed to do while some stripper shoved her tits in my face with my wife right beside me?
Or what if Magic Mark tried to get Cass to grab his dick? Right fluffing in front of me?
Fuck.
The show hadn’t even started yet, and my heart was pounding so hard in my chest the strippers could’ve just used it for their music.
“This is going to be the best bachelor and bachelorette party ever, T!” Cassie exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “I’m so pumped, baby! This is going to be fluffing amazing, right?”
“It sure is going to be something,” I answered, even though I felt the least excited I’d ever been in my whole damn life.
Which was a foreign fucking feeling for a guy like me.
Thatcher Kelly loved strip clubs, loved strippers, loved all the stripping-things!
I poured sugar on anyone who asked, ate cherry pie like a fiend, and was married to the one-hundred-percent, real-deal, originalCrazy Bitch, but this situation, I could vibe, had the power to change my view of strippers and strip clubs forever. Just like that, years and years of fantasies, gone in a flash.
I struggled to wrap my brain around the complexity of it all, but it was no use. Even though the strippers hadn’t even started dancing yet, hadn’t even come out of the bathroom in their stripper clothes, I already felt like I was developing a case of PTSD.
I shut my eyes for a brief moment and forced myself to inhale a deep breath.
Just relax, man. It’ll be fine. Sort of. Okay, not really, but you’re going to have to live through this and act like you’re enjoying it for the sake of Cassie’s sanityandyour balls.
Even my subconscious knew this was all fucked.
And I was so close to standing up and calling the whole damn thing off, the risk of castration be damned, but an all-too-familiar pounding beat started to filter from the bathroom—where I was assuming the strippers had decided to set up their impromptu music station.
No. No! Not “Pony”! Please, anything but the number one stripping song ever! Don’t ruin this for me.
I squinted toward the still-shut door, and smoke started to slowly filter from the space above the threshold.
Oh, what the fluff?A smoke machine?
The bathroom door opened, more fake smoke started to spread throughout our suite, and with a discreet flip of the main light switch by the entrance door, Cass and I were cloaked in darkness.
A few seconds later, a strobe light switched on and illuminated the room in shades of bright pinks and oranges and yellows and greens.
“Woo-hoooo!” Cassie clapped eagerly, and her eyes met mine.
I nodded and gave two thumbs up like a moron, trying my best to act excited.
