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I am not a sex object. I am not a woman he wants in lust.
And that makes what I am about to do so much harder.
Jason will never give up. Never let me go. Never let me free to find Cam, to be in his arms, to have him hold me and to look into his eyes to find my true essence.
Jason is committed to the cause. So was I.
Until I betrayed myself with these lustful thoughts of Cam.
"I imagine it," I confess, the tears running down my cheeks at Jason's torment. "I think of him. I want him. I cannot forget how his hands felt on me in my dreams. They were rough. But the roughness was a contradictory part of his touch. It made it all the more pleasurable."
"Stop, Princess. Stop."
"No. I must do it. I must clear my mind. Purge myself of these feelings. Purge my soul. Then I can come back. Purge myself of him."
Jason's eyes start to water, and he turns to Malcolm, who looks as if he's ready to kill someone.
"His kiss was intense. His caress was soft." I wipe away a tear. "I want his hands on me again. I want to feel his rough touch on my skin."
I see the conflict on Malcolm's face.
"I have to do this, Malcolm," I plead. "It's my only choice."
As if a switch has been flipped, Malcolm becomes a man of action.
"Do it, Jason."
Jason turns to me, tears in his eyes.
"Princess, I do not want to do this."
I nod and pull my hair up, baring my neck.
"I know it hurts. But it is necessary,” I whisper.
"I would rather die than have your blood on my hands."
"I would rather be impure than dead."
"No," he repeats.
I nod, knowing it will be easier for him this way.
"This is why I must be punished. It is in The Manual. You know what comes next. Please do it," I implore.
Jason nods, looking away.
"It's not in the prophecy. It's not a part of the equation. I didn't ask for this, for these feelings. But I have them. And nothing is going to change them. But I must do something about it. It is the only way. I must do it."
"The procedure says that I must ask: who is the man you lust for?"
I have to say it. I don't want to say it. If I tell the truth, they will kill Cam.
So I have decided to lie. To betray the prophecy even further.
My gaze turns to Jason, who looks down. Only my silence wrenches his eyes back to mine.
"You, Jason. You."
