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“It’s not the same, and you know it. You would kill for Evie.”
“That’s different. If anyone harmed Raven now, you would kill them too. Don’t do this to yourself or her. She doesn’t deserve that shit,” he reminds me. I know he’s right, but guilt sits heavy on my mind. I nod and take down another drink before pushing away from the bar to find her. Raven isn’t out here, so I walk down the hall to my bedroom. Shoving the door open, I see her packing a bag with the clothes I’d gotten for her.
“What are you doin’?”
“We can’t do this.”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”
“We can’t live like this, Cross. It’s fucked up.”
“No, I’m fucked up.” She slowly lifts her head and looks at me, really looks at me. God, Drake’s right. I would do anything for her. I would kill for her.
“And we can’t change what happened. I can’t make this better for you.”
“I didn’t ask you to, Raven. Fuck!”
“Look at you! You’re falling apart, and it’s all my fault. I can’t watch you fall apart, Cross. I just can’t.” She goes back to packing her bag when I storm across the room and snatch it out of her hand. I toss the clothes out of it, watching them as they fall all over the floor. Raven huffs out a breath and starts to pick them up again when I move. I stalk toward her, grabbing her shoulder and forcing her to her feet.
“You know what it feels like to know I didn’t protect you?”
“You didn’t know.”
“But I should have! How the fuck didn’t I know, Raven?”
“You weren’t part of his life, Cross. Don’t blame yourself for that.”
“I do. I blame myself because I should have known how shady Luke was. I should have protected you. I should have made things right,” I tell her. Raven shakes her head, her long hair tumbling over her shoulder.
“No. You couldn’t do it, and I don’t blame you. I didn’t want you to do it, Cross. I blame myself for you finding me. You wouldn't have been involved if you didn’t show up at his house.”
“Fuck that, Raven. I’m glad I caught you when I did. You’re not a killer.”
“We blame ourselves? Is that what we do now?” she asks as tears fill her eyes.
“I don’t fuckin’ know.” Running my hand through my hair, I sigh. “You’re not leavin’ me. Not again.”
“I don’t want to leave you, but how can you look at me and know what happened?”
“Because I love you, Raven. That’s how.”
“And I love you too. But …”
“No. No fuckin’ buts. We’re both pretty fucked in the head, but we work. I’m sorry I pushed you away,” I tell her. She lowers her head, and I reach over, lifting it in my hand. “I need you.”
“I need you too.”
“Then we deal with this shit. Together.”
“Together.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Raven
The last few days have been harder than most. Cross and I have been trying so hard to get past everything. We’ve been trying to talk about it rather than fight. It doesn’t make it any easier. We both blame ourselves for things that happened. I understand his need to feel like he finished things and made them right, but we can’t change the past. What’s done is done.
They’re gearing up to head to Augusta, and my stomach is in knots. I don’t want him to go. I want him here with me. I want him safe.
