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Eli nodded. “We were worried about you. And was that Isabella we saw tearing out of your parking lot?”
“Yeah. Short story, but not worth reliving.” Maybe later. Not now.
“Regardless, we missed you,” Joystick added. “It’s hard to say I love you if the person you want to say it to won’t call you back.”
“I love you too. I didn’t think we were leading with that, but it is why we’re here,” Eli said.
Was I going to let affection, actual, honest-to-God sweet words, stall me where that woman hadn’t? Apparently so.
No. I could handle this. “You should come inside.” I opened the door wider.
“I’m gonna go.” Lucas kissed me on the cheek. “I want details, but not the gross ones, when you all are done.” He walked out and closed the door behind him, locking me in with Eli and Joystick.
They said they loved me. Now that my thoughts were flowing again, the words made my heart sing. Could I—
Lucas’s words echoed in my mind. Maybe I would be all right if I did … Could I do this for me? Let myself love and be loved? It was only one thing, but it was a big, terrifying, amazing thing. The kind of thing some people spent their entire lives chasing, and it had fallen into my lap. Twice at almost the same time.
“Kandace,” Eli’s gentle voice drew my attention, and I met his gaze. “Talk to us. Do you want us to leave? Promise you’re all right, and we’ll give you whatever you want.”
“An entire weekend of incredible orgasms. I make incredible blueberry pancakes. We could make blueberry Kandace,” Joystick said. “Whatever you want.”
What did I want? “I want both of you.” That wasn’t what I meant to say. But wasn’t it? “I want good things, and you’re both very good for me, and I love you too, each of you.” Was it okay to say that? To even want that?
Lucas was right—I wouldn’t hurt anyone who cared about me by doing this. A lifetime of doing otherwise rebelled at the thought of doing something for me, but I really did want this—them.
“Good.” Joystick grinned. “Because we might have had to sex-torture you to get you to admit that otherwise.”
Eli sighed. “He’s kidding. We would never—”
“Unless you begged.”
Eli twisted his mouth at Joystick’s words. “He’s got a point. Seeing you beg to be tied up and given orgasms sounds pretty hot.”
My laugh slipped out at their banter. A few weeks ago when I met them, they never would’ve been like this. We’d all changed, and it was for the better. I refused to slide into mute-Kandace-mode again by being stuck in the fantasy of what they were suggesting. I couldn’t give them up. Not ever. “What now?”
“Anything you want,” Eli said. “We meant that.” He gripped the back of my neck, stealing my attention and breath, and crushed his mouth to mine. There was a demand and spark there, the same one that drew me to him the first time we kissed, but stronger. More all-consuming.
What I wanted was to fall into this for a long time. Eli pressed his forehead to mine. “I really did miss you. And I love you so much.” His words were soft, but I heard them like the loudest proclamation.
“I love you too.”
Joystick dropped to the couch, grasped my hand, and tugged me. I squealed in surprise as he managed to make me lose my balance, and I found myself in his lap.
“Me too.” Joystick wrapped an arm around my waist and held me in place. He brushed a few stray strands of hair from my forehead. “Don’t forget me. I said it first.”
“I could never forget you.”
Joystick grinned. “I know.” His kiss was harder. Sloppier. And in every way, just as delicious as Eli’s.
This was amazing. It might take a while to convince all of me that it was okay, but I was going to. How was I supposed to ignore what these men did to my heart? My mind?
I had an incredible chance before me—beneath me—and I’d be an idiot to let it go. I was going to enjoy this chance—this love—for all I was worth.
30
elijah
I couldn’t believethis was my life. I spent so many years quietly resenting Austin. Hating that he got to pick his path and I was forced into mine.
