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“You’re just . . . since Sara passed, you’ve not been yourself. I just ha—”
“What the fuck do you expect?” I roar, flying to my feet and cutting off whatever bullshit was about to fly out of his mouth. “My wife fucking died. Of course, I’m not myself. She’s gone, and I’m left to raise a child on my own. I don’t want to date. I don’t want some other woman in my life. And I sure as fuck don’t want Georgie thinking someone else is her mother. What I want is for my wife to come back to me so I can stop hurting all the damn time.”
Logan presses his lips into a tight line, and I see the pity in his eyes. I get it. Ever since he found Elle, he’s obsessed with wanting everyone else to be as happy as he is, but for me, that just can’t happen again. You don’t find love like that twice in one life. I had my shot, and now it’s gone.
Unable to handle the pitying stares, I turn to Cass and throw my phone into her lap. “Please, get this shit off my phone,” I beg her, my chest straining with the pain.
She gives me a sad smile and thankfully gets on with it before handing my phone back to me. Then not wanting my daughter to see me falling apart, I check she has everything she needs and grab my drink, heading across the yard to the pool that overlooks the beautiful Denver cityscape. I desperately need to calm down, but I’m not sure if I’m angry with Logan for trying to push me when I wasn’t ready, or if I’m angry with Sara for leaving me in the first place.
She’s the only woman I’ve ever been with, the only woman I’ve ever loved. We started dating in high school, and for the twelve wonderful years we spent together, I never once considered being with someone else. Why the hell should I now?
I stand by the pool for at least twenty minutes before I hear someone approaching, and I turn to find Logan. Before I can give him a piece of my mind, his hands go up in surrender again. “I just want to talk,” he warns.
I scoff and glance back at the view before lifting my drink to my lips and finishing what’s left in the bottle. “Not sure if you caught on, but I’m not in the mood.”
“No shit,” he grunts, moving in beside me and mimicking my stance against the pool fence. He stands in silence for the shortest moment, as if trying to figure out what to say, before finally saying whatever the hell it is he feels he has the right to say. “We just want you to find your happiness again,” he murmurs.
“My happiness was with Sara,” I grunt, refusing to meet his eye. “It’s gone. She took it with her when she died.”
“We know that, and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but Sara’s gone, and you’ve been this depressed, broken version of yourself ever since,” he says, making me wonder who this we is he’s referring to. “You have no joy in your life, and we fear that’s hurting you more than you know.”
“I have Georgie,” I remind him.
“I don’t mean Georgie, and you know it,” he says. “She’s amazing and has been your rock over the last three years, but that’s the love of a parent to his child. You shouldn’t rely on your daughter for your own happiness. It’s your job to give her joy, not the other way around. That’s an awfully big burden for a child to carry.”
Guilt soars through my chest, knowing he’s right, but I’m not even close to being able to admit that.
“What about your heart, Sean?” he questions. “Don’t you deserve to find that love again?”
“Logan,” I groan, turning to face him, feeling my world crumbling beneath me. “I don’t want to find it again. The idea of replacing Sara . . . I can’t do it.”
“Why the hell not?” he argues. “You know how good it can be. Sara would want you to be happy. You’re holding onto a ghost, hoping that one day she might come back to you. She’s never coming back, Sean.”
Anger rips through my soul, an inferno burning beneath the surface. “Don’t tell me what Sara would want,” I snap.
“Sean, just think about it, alright,” he tells me before clapping me on the back, trying to calm me down. “You can’t live the rest of your life pining over someone who’s gone. You need to move forward and at least try. Be an example to Georgie. Let her know that it’s possible to find happiness after tragedy.”
“Just replace Sara, huh?”
Logan looks horrified at the thought, his eyes widening as if fearing he’s taken it too far, and honestly, he took it too far the second he decided to step into my business. “Never. Sara is the mother of your child and was your wife, the first woman you ever loved. We all fucking loved her. No other woman could ever replace that. I just don’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone. You’re only thirty and deserve to have joy in your life. I’m not telling you to replace Sara, but you should make space for someone new to share your life with. You’re fucking lonely, Sean. You could have more kids like you always wanted. Sara would be okay with it, and you know, I bet Georgie would be too. She loves you more than anything, and I know she’s only three, but she’s smart. She knows you’re hurting, and I bet, more than anything, she wants to see just how fucking bright you can shine.”
