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Logan gives me a tight smile, and with that, he turns on his heel and heads back up to the house, leaving me with a million traitorous thoughts running through my head.
Could Logan be right? The thought kills me that he could be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’ve never thought about it before. I just hate it, like really fucking hate it. But what about Georgie? She needs a mother figure in her life, someone who she can grow with, someone who can teach her all the things I simply can’t as a man. I know she has all her aunties, but what about someone who would love her as a parent would? Someone who’s there for her after a shitty day at school. Someone to hold her hand when she has her first heartbreak. Someone to confide in and teach her what it means to be a woman, someone she can rely on, someone to love.
Fuck.
Logan’s right.
I don’t know about the whole dating a chick for my own happiness bullshit because that’s a long shot, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Georgie needs a mother figure in her life, something more than Cassie, Elle, or Bri could offer. But fuck, it kills me to think Georgie might forget her real mom, forget what really matters.
Over my dead body.
I push the thought aside. It’s ridiculous. I don’t want to date. I want to continue the way I am, not needing a woman in my life to take up space and lay where Sara used to lay, hanging clothes where Sara’s used to hang, cooking in the kitchen that Sara so carefully designed and loved.
Fuck no. I can’t do it.
Turning back, I head up to the house, throwing my empty bottle in the trash on the way, noticing everyone else has gone back inside. I pause at the back door and take a breath, knowing the second I walk through it, all eyes will be on me. I can’t just crumble where I stand in front of my entire family, I need to pull myself together.
Making my way inside, I grab a new drink and silently take a seat among my family, right where I can watch the kids play. I keep my eyes trained on Georgie, the oldest, and watch as she dominates whatever game they’re playing—perks of being the biggest.
No one mentions the topic of me dating, doesn’t even breathe the word Tinder, and I’m finally able to relax, but there’s no denying I’m a tortured soul.
An hour later, I scoop Georgie up in my arms and head out to my truck. I’ve been shit company, even worse as we sat down to eat, unable to stop thinking about Sara and the possibility of trying to make room for someone new.
I buckle Georgie into her seat, and she reaches up to place her little hand on my cheek. “Wuv you, Daddy,” she says with a heavy sigh before squishing her face into the side of her car seat trying to get comfortable. And I can’t help but wonder if Logan was right. Can Georgie really sense just how much I’m hurting?
I look down at my angel and finally see reason. I need to try for her. She deserves the world, and right now, she only has half of it. I’d do just about anything to make sure she has everything she ever wants, and I guess that includes someone who’ll love her like a mother.
Damn you, Logan.
With a sigh, I close the door and walk around to the driver’s side.
I get in and start up the engine, and I’m hardly halfway down the driveway before Georgie is fast asleep in her car seat. It’s been a long, exhausting day for such a little thing, but with all the sleepless nights lately, she’s been incredibly tired. Add that to her preschool days, and the poor kid is wrecked.
Her light snores fill the cab as I drive home in silence, and ten minutes later, I pull up in front of my place. I go about pulling Georgie out while trying not to wake her, and honestly, this shit is harder than taking the fucking bar exams.
Taking her straight up to her room, I lay her down in her bed before sitting beside her, wanting to be close so I can watch her breathing. Then before I even know what I’m doing, I pull my phone out and attempt to download that dating app when I realize Cassie never deleted it, just moved it across to the next page so I couldn’t see it.
I should have known better.
Opening the app with shaky hands, I bring up the profile of the girl who matched with me. Her picture hits me first. She’s cute. Petite with light brown hair and green eyes. There’s something familiar about her, but I just can’t place it. She looks lively like she knows how to have fun, but can I date her? Who fucking knows.
