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I’m not my father. I’m worse.
I pick up my laptop and throw it across the room. It smashes against the marble walls in an explosion of silicon and plastic. I take a deep breath. And the door opens.
“What the fuck is going on in here?” Andrew says from the doorway.
“I walked away,” I say in barely more than a whisper.
“What are you talking about?” He pauses and sighs. “Addison?”
“Yes,” I say and can feel my body shaking as I try to control myself. The chair is next if I can’t.
“Damn it. What happened?” He seems pissed, but I barely recognize it. The pain is too much. It’s like the emotions are drowning me, and I can’t get any air. Training is all that keeps me from lashing out at the world around me.
“Phillip?” he says with worry in his voice as he plops his feet onto the tile and sits up straight. “Man, are you okay?”
I shake my head, still overwhelmed with emotions that have no outlet. “I don’t know what to do,” I say.
“Why did you leave? You two seemed so happy? She made you more… human.”
I look at him and try to focus on the conversation. I give in to the emotions, let them rage through me, and hope that somehow Andrew can help me because I don’t know how to handle them on my own.
“She told me I was a carbon copy of Father, and I told her she was an idiot for not publishing her book.”
Andrew frowns. “That doesn’t make any sense. You were making time for her and everything, nothing like Dad.”
“She didn’t understand how close I was,” I say. I have to take a breath as another red-hot pain sears through me when I remember the conversation. “But she was pissed that I was making the same business decisions that Father would. She was pissed about the email I sent because her friends were pissed.”
Andrew leans back, his expression turning thoughtful. “So, don’t be like Father? Make a different decision?”
“We made the right decision, Andrew. We talked through every option, and the one we chose was the best one. It did the least damage.”
He arches his eyebrow. “You’re telling me that Addison didn’t have any suggestions? I’ve gotten into a lot of fights with women. They never get into a pissing match if they don’t have a better option. Or at least an option they think is better.”
“She had an idea…” The one that triggered my instincts harder than anything she’s ever said. “She said we should pay for the expansion out of our own pockets. Or rather, out of my pocket.”
Andrew shrugs. “It’d be manageable. I mean, it’s probably not the smartest business decision, but if we’re right, and this expansion turns Loughton House back into a growth company, then spending fifty million out of pocket wouldn’t really hurt very much. Which is more important? Fifty million or Addison?”
The lightbulb clicks. “Fuck,” I whisper. I am an idiot.
Andrew nods. “I’ve seen that expression on your face before. I guess I’ll get out of here while you get to work.”
He’s right. All the emotions that were raging inside me have mutated into a single thing. There’s still pain in my chest, but it’s not debilitating. No, it’s pure motivation.
That single revelation has my mind seeing everything in a different light. Moments ago, I was focusing on how I’d failed. Now I’m focused on how I can keep my promise.
I want to to do to publishing what Google did to search engines. I want it to change everything.
And I probably won’t make a dime by doing it.
Fifty-Three
ADDISON
Two weeks have flown by.A new job working next to Trish at Murray Press as an editor. Not a junior editor. I don’t know how Trish did it, but she convinced my new boss that I was worth a thirty percent pay raise and a bump in title.
The work environment is better here. People smile more. No one worries about someone like Phillip walking through the cubicles and firing them. The senior employees all have their own offices. They have freaking cookies in the breakroom along with the coffee.
But it’s not Loughton House. It’s not the dream I had when I was ten. I guess that sometimes dreams need to take a backseat to the real world. Of course, that was always the backup dream. My actual dream was to become a world-famous author, and I’m two big steps closer.
