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“I had to think of Jermyn and Julia,” Jonas argued. “I loved you … God, I loved you. But I loved them too. They would not have deserved what they would have suffered because of me. Julia would never have found a husband, Jermyn and his wife would have become social pariahs, my parents would have been heartbroken.”
Derek lowered his eyes, a heavy knot expanding in his gut until he felt as if he would be ill. “You chose your family over me. I can understand that, even if I have never known the love of a family like yours. They are worth saving.”
Jonas barked a harsh, clipped laugh. “Is that what you think? That I chose my family over you? Derek, I choseyou, because I could never have forgiven myself if yours had been one of the names printed in the scandal sheets … if you had been beaten or gaoled or pilloried or … or killed. Can’t you see? I left because us remaining together would have put your life in danger. You might not have been treated as leniently as the others, and I could not bear it. Do you hear me? I would have died to protect you, but God could not allow such an easy escape. Instead, I had to leave, to put as much distance between us as possible and pray that my absence would put the matter to rest. If we were no longer seen together, no one could speculate. No one could watch our movements and use them to expose or blackmail us. No one could hurt you if I was not here.”
Now Derek was on the verge of tears, his chest painfully tight and his throat burning with all the things that had gone unsaid between them. “All this time,” he rasped. “All this time I thought you hated me … that you hated what I was because … because you could not accept who you were.”
Jonas cupped Derek’s face in his hands and shook his head. “I told myself that I was not like you or like the others because it was the only way I could keep from running back to you at the first opportunity. I never allowed myself to dream or feel desire or long for you or any other man, because if I did, I would break. I had to be strong. I could not want you or long for you; not if I wanted to keep away. But Ineverhated you, Derek. I never stopped wanting you …. longing for you … missing you. God, how I missed you.”
Derek’s reply was lost on a sigh when Jonas closed in for a kiss. Strong hands gripped his jaw, angling his head just so. Firm, searching lips devoured his own. Derek rested his hands over Jonas’ and returned the kiss, panting and moaning against the lips of the only man he had ever loved. Jonas kissed him as if he had been starving for the pleasure, his lips needy and forceful. Their tongues clashed and tangled, each of them seeming to try to probe as deep as possible into the other. Jonas began to move, propelling Derek against the nearest tree and pinning him there.
He became a helpless slave to Jonas’ desire, joy and desire rising so swiftly through his body that he feared he might faint. Derek had dreamed of this moment, tossing and turning feverishly in his cold, lonely bed. Now that it was finally happening, he thought he might die from the visceral beauty of it.
“Derek,” Jonas groaned between kisses, his thumbs swiping away the tears leaking from the corners of Derek’s eyes. “God, Derek, the taste of you. More … I need more.”
“Yes,” Derek panted, leaning against the tree and surrendering to Jonas’ busy hands prying at his cravat and the buttons of his waistcoat. “Yes, Jo. Don’t stop … please.”
Jonas took another long, lingering taste of Derek’s lips before kissing down his jaw and neck. Each touch was like a firebrand, marking Derek indelibly as belonging to Jonas. No man had kissed him like this in seven long years or touched him with such possessive intent. He felt as if he had not been touched in all that time, every caress from faceless lovers a mere shadow of what he had experienced with Jonas.
Derek shivered at the slide of Jonas’ tongue down his neck while rough fingers yanked at the buttons of his shirt. He raised his hands to try to help, afraid Jonas might rip the buttons loose and leave him looking disheveled when they were finished, but they were pushed aside. Jonas managed it without ruining the shirt, his hungry lips kissing and nibbling at the exposed swath of Derek’s chest.
Derek arched into Jonas, grasping his hips and pulling him closer. He groaned at the feel of Jonas’ cock against his, thick and long and pulsing with the rapid cadence of his heartbeat. Derek’s pulse galloped at the same rhythm, sending a deafening roar through his ears. The entire world narrowed to the pinpoint of this moment, until Derek could no longer register the sky above them or the grass below, only Jonas’ mouth and hands moving over his body as if relearning his every inch.
Derek fought to catch his breath while Jonas sank to his knees in the grass. He seemed heedless to how kneeling might ruin his breeches, or whether they might be caught. The echo of voices was far off enough for Derek to know that they were relatively alone, but that could change at any moment. As Jonas yanked his breeches further down his thighs and took his cock in hand, Derek realized he would not last long enough to worry about being discovered. It didn’t matter that he had fucked half the molly whores at Perdition and had his cock sucked over the past seven years enough times that the occurrences blurred together in his mind. Not once had he experienced the sort of heady pleasure he had known in Jonas’ mouth, and he nearly orgasmed just recalling it.
Taking a deep breath, he braced himself. Jonas thrust his tongue at Derek’s cockhead, delving into the slit. Derek bit his lip to keep from crying out, bucking his hips and thrusting his cock against Jonas’ lips. With a low groan, Jonas opened his mouth and took Derek inside. Warm lips enveloped him and a slick, velvety tongue stroked the throbbing vein along the underside of his shaft.
“Christ,” Derek muttered, throwing his head back and pushing his hips out to find his way toward the back of Jonas’ throat. “I thought I would never feel your lips around me again, Jo.”
Jonas braced his hands on Derek’s thighs, a low humming sound emitting from the back of his throat. There was something soothing about that sound, as if, in his own way, Jonas was letting him know that he had not suffered alone. He was not the only one who had suffered these seven long years, yearning for a lover who was far out of his reach. Giving himself over to the bliss of the moment, Derek tangled his fingers in Jonas’ hair, mussing the neatly combed strands. He held Jonas’ head in place and slowly, achingly, slid his cock out of his mouth until only the tip rested on his tongue. Then, he inched his way back in, reveling in the suction of Jonas’ lips and the stroke of his tongue.
“Fuck,” he growled when his head brushed the back of Jonas’ throat. “That’s so good … so fucking good.”
Jonas’ hands on his thighs tightened as if he held on for dear life while Derek used his mouth how he pleased. Derek’s body was seized with visceral spasms that began deep in his gut and resounded outward through his body. His legs buckled and he trembled with the force of his need, but he managed to stay on his feet, thrusting in and out of Jonas’ mouth—slowly at first and then with increasing speed.
“Yes,” Derek whispered, gripping the back of Jonas’ head and guiding him at the pace he wanted, meeting each downward bob of Jonas’ head with a thrust of his hips. “Just like that, Jo. Take me … take it all.”
Jonas obliged, following the guidance of Derek’s hand to suck him faster and deeper. One of Jonas’ hands left Derek’s thigh and slid back to cup his buttocks, urging him to let loose with the fool force of his lust. Fisting Jonas’ hair in one hand, Derek gave him what he silently asked for, pushing his cock so deep he was surprised Jonas could breathe. But with each thrust of his cock came a rough, primal growl from Jonas, who took every inch with relish. His other hand traveled toward Derek’s groin, teasing through the dark, curling hairs. His fingers found their way to his bollocks, and the calloused pad of Jonas’ index finger stroked along the seam. Derek’s jaw ached from how tightly he clenched his teeth, attempting to choke down the cries of ecstasy burning in his throat. He spread his legs as wide as his lowered breeches would allow, his toes curling inside his boots as Jonas fondled his stones while continuing to suck his cock like a starving man having his first meal in days. The slick sounds of his mouth and tongue against Derek’s cock sent him hurtling toward the edge, combining with the pleasure winding through his groin to drive him higher and higher.
Derek struggled to breathe, certain he might die from the pressure building in his lungs as he hovered on the precipice of release. Seeming to sense this, Jonas slipped his fingers further between Derek’s legs, delving past the smooth skin behind his balls and invading the crevice of his arse. Derek gasped as Jonas circled the pucker of his hole, applying just enough pressure to send a fresh, white-hot lightning strike of pleasure through him. The heat built to nearly unbearable limits as Jonas’ finger slipped in to the first knuckle. It rushed through his cock and through the head in the spill of his seed, every drop of which Jonas captured in his mouth. Derek could not contain the hoarse cry that hurtled out of him as he came, his cock throbbing in Jonas’ mouth and his bollocks drawing up tight to his body.
The orgasm seemed to go on forever, and when it finally ended, Derek slumped against the tree, his knees weak and his vision unfocused. He stood there for a moment with his breeches open and his flaccid cock hanging against his thigh while trying to gather his faculties. It wasn’t until Derek had the presence of mind to glance down that he realized he had not crossed over into that plane of ecstasy on his own. Jonas’ knelt with his cock in hand, the white streams of his seed staining the back of his hand and the tails of his shirt.
“You were always better at using your hands and your mouth at the same time than I was,” Derek quipped. “Do you need a handkerchief?”
Jonas produced his own monogrammed square of linen before Derek had finished asking the question. While he tended to himself, Derek set his own clothes to rights, chagrined to find a spot of milky white seed staining his fall. However, the drape of his waistcoat covered the stain well enough that no one would be the wiser. Before long, Jonas came to his feet, looking more or less the same as he had minutes before. His breeches were dark enough that if the damp grass had stained them, Derek could not tell. Only his swollen, reddened lips and mussed brown curls gave him away.
He was so adorable with the tension leeched from his limbs and the heavy-lidded gaze of a sated man peering from beneath his lowered lashes. Derek could not help himself. Hooking a finger in the top of Jonas’ waistcoat, Derek pulled him in. Their lips collided and then melted in a searing kiss. Derek could taste his own masculine brine on Jonas’ tongue, made all the headier by the entanglement of their combined scents. His cock began to stir again as if waking from a long sleep now that his perfect prince had returned.
“God, I missed you, Jo,” he whispered. “Please do not tell me this is all that we can have. Even if it is true, I cannot bear to hear it just now. I need to believe that you are mine again, even if only for a little while.”
Just then, the sound of voices came at them through the trees, far closer than they had been before. They pulled apart and Jonas raked his hands through his hair in an attempt to tame it. A cowlick toward the center of his head refused to cooperate, curling upward. Derek licked his palm and used it to smooth the strands back into place.
“There. No one will be the wiser.”
Jonas stared off into the distance with a pensive expression. “Still … that was dangerous. Reckless.”
Derek chuckled. “Yes, but it was a bloody good time.”
