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“I asked Derek to pretend to court me to make James jealous,” she admitted in a rush. “We were never going to be married, Jo.”
“I suspected as much,” Jonas replied. “But … are you certain that is the only reason?”
His throat constricted around the words, but Jonas managed to choke them out. Behind him, servants moved about as if preparing for something. Jonas noticed the butler carrying a bottle of what appeared to be champagne into the drawing room, while a maid bustled behind him with a platter of glass flutes. His mother appeared, dabbing a handkerchief to her eyes and blubbering with pride.
Julia suddenly grasped his shoulders and pulled him into her arms. Jonas had to stoop to meet her, shocked but reflexively wrapping his arms around her.
“I also did it because Iknow, Jo. About you and Derek. I have always known.”
The shock of her declaration jolted through him, and he tried to separate himself from Julia, but she only held him tighter and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“When I told Derek what I knew, he confided in me,” she whispered against his ear. “I knew then that I must do whatever I could to help you find your way back home. I grew weary of reading your despondent letters and seeing you so lonely. I could not bear to gain the heart of the man I loved if you could not have yours.”
Jonas choked back a sob as hot tears welled in his eyes. His entire life, he had feared discovery. The idea of his family discovering his nature was one of the most horrifying things he could imagine. But Julia—dear, sweet Julia—only held him close and kissed him with all the tender love in her slight body. He could never have fathomed it.
“You love him, Jo,” Julia added. “I know it. Do not allow your pride and your fear to ruin this chance. It might be the only one you have left.”
Their mother called out to them from across the corridor, and they pulled apart, sniffling and blinking back tears. Jonas offered Julia his handkerchief and then used his hands to swipe his own face clean. It was time to toast the engagement with champagne. Jermyn and his wife had been fetched to the drawing room, and everyone awaited Jonas and Julia. Jonas peered past his sister to find the viscount holding two glasses of champagne and staring expectantly at his fiancée.
“When did you know?” he murmured.
Julia grinned. “When you were eleven years old, I saw you with the valet’s son … the one you used to play with when we visited the country?”
A pang of boyish embarrassment echoed through Jonas at the memory. Robert Grimes, the son of his father’s valet, had lived in a cottage on Thacker lands. He and the boy had spent hours roaming the woods and playing in streams. One fateful day, Jonas had found himself curious at what it might be like to kiss the other boy. It had never occurred to him that he ought to desire to do such a thing with a girl. He and Robert had sneaked off to practice kissing throughout the entire summer with no one the wiser. Or so he had thought.
“I was too young to really understand,” Julia added. “But somehow, I knew that I must never speak of what I had seen … of what I knew. Your secret was safe with me then, and it always will be.”
With that, she left the music room to join her fiancé, who offered the champagne to her with a tender smile. The man was clearly smitten, drawing Julia to the center of the room for the toast. Jonas hurried to join them, hoping that no one would see how wracked with emotion he was. If they did, they might assume he was simply happy for his sister. He certainly was, but more than that he overflowed with joy and excitement and fear. They swirled together in his body like a maelstrom, making him feel as if he might faint.
But he stood strong, embracing both the fear and the joy. His mind and body felt torn in so many directions that he was certain only the shell of his skin held him together. He might always be afraid. He might always worry that his secret would become known to the world. But at that moment, such matters felt trivial. When he considered returning to the country to closet himself away in solitude again, Jonas felt sick to his stomach. Such a life was not living at all; he understood that now.
There was only one thing left to do, and it must be done tonight. He must not fail. As Julia had so aptly reminded him, this might be the only chance he had left.
Derek enteredGiles’s bedchamber to find Jonas already awaiting him. Perdition was rather quiet tonight with the end of the season drawing near. There were multiple soirées happening across London, and most of the club’s wealthy clientèle had found less scandalous activities to indulge in. Derek could not help but be amused that not only had Jonas chosen Perdition as a meeting place, but he had also arrived first to await him in the bedroom of a molly prostitute. Less than a fortnight back in London, and Jonas had already shrugged off the pious sense of righteousness he had arrived with.
But then, as Derek leaned against the door and stared at the man standing near the hearth watching him back, he realized that Jonas’ piousness had only ever been a ruse. It had served to protect him from not only Derek but himself. While it had hurt to be held at arm’s length that way, Derek understood. It was not easy to live in a world where a man’s very nature could prove his ruination. Everyone in this world dealt with the difficulties of such an existence in various ways. While Derek had chosen the vice of excess and debauchery because he had found it preferable to the gnawing emptiness of constantly being alone. True to his nature, Jonas had chosen the path of isolation. Yet somehow, these disparate paths had led them back to one another. Whether their reunion would prove temporary or permanent remained to be seen.
“Thank you for coming,” Jonas said. He sat at the same table they had inhabited for their games, looking relaxed with his coat and cravat removed. “Sit, please.”
Derek was helpless to refuse, drawn to the table like a moth to a flame. He allowed his gaze to linger over the intriguing specimen that was Jonas, feeling free to do so for the first time since they had reunited. Tonight proved the first time Jonas had softened outwardly, the set of his mouth and jaw relaxed and the brown tones of his eyes tempering his gaze. His hair was still a bit mussed, reminding Derek of their illicit rendezvous in the woods. His cock stirred, and he was hard-pressed to push the lurid memories aside. Now was not the time to dwell on them, and Derek needed his faculties intact for whatever was about to occur.
He sank into the chair across from Jonas, resting his hands in his lap. Derek cleared his throat and fumbled for the first words that came to mind. “Julia seemed rather strange after we left the pleasure garden. Is she all right?”
To his surprise, Jonas smiled. “She is more than all right. She is engaged to Viscount Gilbanks.”
Derek’s stomach twisted and his pulse stuttered as he digested Jonas’ words and the feelings they stirred. It was difficult to keep his elation over Julia’s triumph from his face. Jonas’ sister was one of his dearest friends, and he could not have been happier for her. However, he was also aware that Julia’s engagement marked the end of what he had begun with Jonas. There was no longer any reason for Jonas to remain in London. No reason for him to maintain his membership at Perdition or continue visiting Derek.
“Then congratulations are in order,” Derek replied. “I am glad for her.”
“Are you?” Jonas murmured, raising one thick eyebrow. “I had expected disappointment perhaps, or even anger. The woman you wished to marry has just pledged herself to another.”
“The lady has made her choice, as is her prerogative,” Derek hedged, uncertain of what Jonas might be alluding to. He had come here expecting to discuss what had happened this afternoon and the revelations that had emerged from the shadows of their past. “The viscount will make her a find husband.”
Jonas frowned. “When I first arrived in London, you seemed quite insistent thatyouwould make her a fine husband. I suppose your feelings on the matter have changed. Or … Could it be that you think my sister would not make you a good wife?”
“No!” Derek exclaimed, suddenly anxious. What the devil was Jonas on about? “Of course not! I adore your sister, Jo. You know that.”
“Hmm,” Jonas mumbled, stroking the stubble sprouting along his jaw. “Perhaps you never intended to marry her at all, which would mean that you used her for your own ends. What ends might those have been, I wonder?”
