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But who’s counting?
I shouldn’t be, but I am.I’ve grown used to the idea of him either being in London at work or at home with us. I suppose that’s odd for a single guy of his status and you’d think he’d be out more. It kills me not being able to ask him what he’s doing, but he’s my boss, not my boyfriend. I must remember that.
Sebastian says we should go ahead and give Daisy dinner. He likes to sit with her when he’s home usually. Today, I eat with her and try to give her my full attention, but my mind’s spinning and I’ve no appetite. My stomach churns, but I tell myself to relax. It’s none of my business where he’s going, and besides, he’s probably going to some dull business event and I’m overreacting.
Then he walks into the room, and his familiar aftershave teases my senses. Memories of us kissing and him touching me in all the right places flood back. His smell drives me insane, and I focus on moving broccoli around my plate as he leans down and kisses Daisy on the cheek. ‘Goodnight, sweetheart,’ he says. ‘Be good for Nathalie and go to sleep when she tells you, so you’ve got plenty of energy for the park tomorrow. I’ll check on you when I get home.’
Daisy is fine about him going out, but the food is lodged in my throat.
‘Have a good evening, Nat,’ he says. ‘See you in the morning.’
He winks at me, and my insides turn to liquid. He’s dressed in navy trousers and a beautiful crisp white shirt accentuates his broad shoulders. His hair is still damp and shining from the shower and his masculine scent surrounds and torments me. I look at him and do my best to smile, but it’s fake and doesn’t reach my eyes.
‘You okay?’ he says, lingering near Daisy’s shoulder as he gazes at me.
I nod. ‘Of course. I’m great. Have a wonderful evening.’
Daisy pipes up. ‘Where are you going, Daddy? Are you going to see Uncle Damian?’
He pats her shoulder. ‘Not tonight, sweetie.’
She says, ‘Have you got a girlfriend?’ Daisy then bombards him with questions and doesn’t give him a chance to answer any of them.
My heart is hurtling around inside my chest, and feels like it might burst out, as I hold my breath and wait for him to answer.
‘My friend says her daddy doesn’t live with her and her mummy anymore, and he has a new girlfriend now,’ she continues.
Sebastian strokes her head and says, ‘There are all sorts of families, pumpkin.’
Daisy thrusts her chin out and looks sad. ‘But Suzie said his girlfriend is mean to her. She pretends to be nice, but when they’re alone, she’s horrible. Promise me you’ll only have nice girlfriends, Daddy.’
I glance at Sebastian and see a muscle twitch in his jaw. His discomfort is palpable.
‘Of course, I will only have nice girlfriends,’ he says to Daisy, avoiding looking at me. ‘Same as you only choose nice friends.’
He ruffles her hair and turns to leave, but Daisy is oblivious to the tension she’s causing and isn’t finished with her questions yet.
‘Daddy. Can Nathalie be your girlfriend?’ she says, her eyes gleaming. ‘Then we can go everywhere together like a family, and you won’t need a mean girlfriend. We could go on holiday to the seaside like you promised.’
He winces slightly, and there’s a cautious note in his tone. ‘I don’t want you to worry about things like that. I promise you there will be no mean girlfriends and you’ve got me and Nathalie right here with you.’ He glides over the holiday comment.
I can’t resist looking at him. I want to see his reaction even though my cheeks are hot, and I’m embarrassed as hell by Daisy’s request.
He avoids looking at me as he plants another kiss on Daisy’s head and makes his escape. At the doorway, he glances back, and his eyes sweep over both of us, and he throws me a mischievous smile. ‘Be good and keep the noise down. Remember, we’re going to the park in the morning.’
And then I hear the door click shut, and he’s gone.
Daisy chatters on about mean girlfriends and I can’t eat any more of my dinner. My emotions are all over the place and I feel nauseous. Clearly, he’s going on a date. I’m not mad at him. How can I be? I have absolutely no right to be because he promised me nothing beyond a job. Zero. But I can’t help being disappointed and my heart feels as though it’s withering more each day, like a dying flower in a drought.
I’m mad at myself. What kind of fool am I to let myself fall for a guy like him? He’s completely out of my reach, and Daisy’s outburst must have mortified him.
Daisy and I watch a feel-good film together after I help her get ready for bed. It’s summer holidays and we don’t have to be up that early. She snuggles against me on the big, cosy sofa. Towards the end of the film, she fights to stay awake, but her eyelids droop and her head follows as she succumbs to sleep and slumps against my arm. I carry her upstairs and lay her in bed.
She’s a little angel and such a joy to care for. I stroke her mussed hair and bend down to kiss her warm cheek.
She shifts and opens her eyes a slit. ‘I love you, Nathalie,’ she mumbles. ‘Don’t ever leave.’
My heart is full of tenderness. ‘I love you too,’ I whisper, pulling the blanket over her bare arms and tucking her in. ‘I’m right here.’
