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She surrenders to my mouth and when I cover her body with mine, she wraps her legs tightly around me, and I make love to her again, even though I know I shouldn’t and I’m losing my heart to the nanny.
After a hurried shower, I find it almost impossible to leave her sitting there so radiant on my balcony. I want to stay and spend the day with her, but work calls and we won’t be alone soon even if I played my boss card and didn’t go in. I don’t want to put my foot in it, so I don’t say much before leaving. If I tell her how I feel, it will ruin everything.
I can never give her more, and the guilt of taking her to bed overpowers me even though we had the most amazing night. It’s been years since I was an immature fuckboy, and it seems taboo to sleep with an employee.
So, why does being with Nathalie feel so right?
If I want to keep my seat on the board, I’m going to have to play out the fake girlfriend charade with Lizzy in Cannes. I’m not sure I would have come up with the idea of fake dating if she hadn’t suggested it. ‘Lots of couples like us do it,’ she said over dinner.
It reminded me of Caspian’s set up. He told me he likes their fake relationship because he always has a suitable date on his arm when he needs one. He says proper dating is too tricky with the press watching our every move. Since the media hammered Damian again, Caspian told me he’s being more careful. He and Isabella have a casual arrangement that works well for them because they genuinely like each other and both don’t want to commit.
I don’t know how he keeps his feelings under control if he’s also having sex with her. But he says he never wants to marry, so he’s clearly better at compartmentalising than me.
Nathalie doesn’t know about Lizzy Archer, and I’m in no rush to tell her. No matter how much she might say she wants nothing serious, I understand women well enough to know that no good will come of her finding out. And so, I still haven’t mentioned the impending Cannes trip. I haven’t even mentioned it to Daisy because she tells Nathalie everything.
We’re only doing it to pacify our grandfathers. I remind myself it can’t happen again with Nathalie, anyway, because she’s going to get hurt, no matter what she says. I’m not free to be with her and it’s not fair.
But all the way to the office, memories of her wrapped around me ricochet through my mind and I still feel the aftershocks of her touch on my skin, like she’s branded my flesh. I miss her already.
Is it her heart I’m worried about breaking, or mine?
CHAPTER25
Nathalie
We made love—again and again—and it was amazing. What a night. What a morning… I never want it to end, but it’s getting late, and the housekeeper really will be here any minute now. My stomach lurches at the thought of her finding out I’m in Sebastian’s room, but I can’t bring myself to leave.
When I leave, it will all be over. He’s looked at his watch a few times and I can tell he’s getting restless.
‘I must shower and get ready to leave for the office,’ he says. His blue-grey eyes appraise me from under their lush dark lashes, and I dissolve with that one look.
He leans over and drops a quick kiss on my lips. It’s over before it’s begun, and I feel the distance reinserting itself between us. He jumps out of bed and pulls his pants on, and as he’s doing them up, he says, ‘Coffee?’
I nod, shyness overtaking me in the harsh morning light and making me feel vulnerable.
He strides across the room, and my eyes follow his bare back, wishing he would stay in bed with me, and this interlude could continue uninterrupted. I’m not ready to let him go yet.
His broad shoulders and sculpted torso make my throat dry, and memories of running my hands over his warm skin as he groaned with pleasure flood into my mind. I’m in a post-orgasmic haze and feel a bit tender, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to be in his arms again.
We can call it sex or fucking, but I know enough to know what we experienced last night was pure lovemaking, and I’m going to treasure the memories of that erotic night together forever.
It doesn’t stop me craving the waves of ecstasy washing over me again. And that’s just the physical ache in my groin. It’s a strange thing about the closeness of sex with someone you’re crazy about—the more you have, the more you want—and I’m definitely still craving him. There’s a jagged stab in my heart, and I’m scared of the feelings I know are sure to follow now we are reverting to the status quo.
My cheeks burn at the thought of my words the previous night on the landing, when I would have said just about anything to have him. He asked me if I was okay with things as they are. I can’t blame him—not that I want to—but it was me who suggested friends with benefits. Juliette’s words made me bold, and I let my yearning for him call the shots.
I tell myself it was worth it. Spending the night with him was unreal, but now I must face reality.
He walks towards me with a steaming cup of coffee. ‘I made it how you like it,’ he says, an adorable pleased-with-himself expression on his face.
‘Thank you,’ I smile. He’s been paying attention, so that’s something. My heart thuds as our eyes meet. ‘I’m surprised you come downstairs at all,' I say, waving one hand around his room. ‘My suite is comfortable, but this is something else.’
‘I don’t do it justice, really,’ he says. ‘There’s a lounge and a kitchen through there, but I only make the occasional coffee here. I prefer eating downstairs with Daisy—and you.’
He pulls the shutters and opens the doors to reveal a long, secluded balcony lined with shrubs and flowering bushes overlooking the garden. ‘You can see Richmond Park from here,’ he says, pointing. ‘Want to drink your coffee out here?’
He passes me one of his shirts and I slip into it gratefully and get out of bed carefully with my coffee. ‘Have you time to join me?’
Shaking his head, he says, ‘Regrettably not. I must get to the office. We’ve got a new hotel opening soon, and it’s manic at work, but you take your time. I’ll see to Daisy if they drop her before I leave, and I’ll ask Mrs J to keep an eye on her until you come down.’
