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‘I bet you’re going to sleep well tonight,’ I laugh, thinking that I hope I will, too. I’m exhausted after our night of passion, and a day of worrying about the consequences of my actions isn’t helping.
‘What did you and Daddy do?’
I gulp. ‘Your daddy picked me up from the children’s centre and it was already late by the time I finished work. We had a cup of tea and went to bed.’
Well, it’s true!
She asks if her friend can sleep over soon.
I tell her she’ll have to ask her daddy, but I imagine it’ll be fine.
‘The house was so quiet without you here—it was weird,’ I say. ‘We didn’t like it.’
It might be for the best if we’re not left alone again. It’s too tempting, and I don’t think I can handle it. That’s only the second time we had the house to ourselves at night, and both times we’ve ended up kissing. If only I could be the fearless Nathalie, I was last night… But the truth is, my old insecurities have come back to haunt me and I’m dreading what’s on the horizon. I can’t see any good coming of it. Now I just want him even more. The sex was incredible and images of us in his bed keep monopolising my mind and it’s hard to think clearly.
What was it he said about his inheritance? I can’t remember the details, and on reflection, I’m not sure he gave me any. Why would he? He doesn’t have to explain his situation to me, after all. I think he mentioned he’s expected to marry someone suitable to satisfy the terms of his grandfather’s will.
Arthur Rochester sounds like a formidable character, and I feel bad that he must have a marriage approved by some old guy, no matter who he is. No wonder Seb is still single.
My thoughts wander back to how he reacted when he saw Richard talking to me, and he mentioned asking his mum for funding. The idea of meeting her in person still fills me with apprehension. Would she like me, or would she pick up on what’s going on between me and her son? Mothers are incredibly intuitive about their children. I’ve been a nanny long enough to know that.
Daisy’s a proficient swimmer for her age, and can already swim without arm bands. We swim back and forth for a while and then play with a ball, jumping about and reaching for it in the air. The exercise and fresh air shift my mood and I feel a bit more myself by the time we dry off. I always bring a Rochester robe with me when I swim now, so I’m not caught semi-naked by Sebastian again, although after last night, that seems silly.
Mrs Johnson brings out a tray of sandwiches and muffins for a late lunch and we sit in the garden, chatting and eating.
Daisy asks if we can go on holiday together like her daddy promised. I laugh, and act as though it’s not a big deal, but my heart skips a beat as I imagine how fabulous it would be to go on holiday with my two favourite people.
‘He didn’t promise,’ I remind her. ‘I think he was just floating ideas, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to do it.’
Daisy pulls a glum face. ‘All my friends go on summer holidays with their families,’ she says.
‘Aww,ma chérie,’ I say, squeezing her hand. ‘Speak to your daddy and see what he says. I don’t know if he has time for a summer holiday. You know how busy he is at work.’
We munch through a delicious freshly baked muffin each, and then I take her upstairs to shower and change, ready for Sebastian coming home.
Every sound makes me jump, and I keep looking at my watch, wondering when he’ll arrive. I daren’t think about what we’ll say to each other and how we’re going to get through the next weeks.
Will he invite me into his bed again, or will he go back to pretending nothing’s going on between us?
With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I guess it will be the latter, and I know I’m going to struggle with the situation.
Maybe I should give in my notice and go home to Paris before this gets any more out of control?
But then Daisy places her hand in mine and says she had the most brilliant afternoon and thanks for swimming with her.
I don’t know who I love more—Daisy or her gorgeous daddy...
CHAPTER28
Sebastian
It’s been strained at home since we spent the night together. She can’t even meet my eyes over breakfast, and it seems like whenever I arrive home, she rushes out. I hate it, but I don’t know what to do. It’s not right to pursue a sexual relationship of any type with my daughter’s nanny, never mind a casual one. The staff are bound to rumble us if we keep at it, and besides, I don’t want her getting any more hurt than I suspect she already is. Her eyes hold a depth of sadness that wasn’t there before, and I hate myself for doing that to her.
I can’t handle a casual relationship, anyway, given the depth of my attraction to her. But now we’re stuck in this limbo of being neither lovers nor friends, and it’s confusing.
Lizzy Archer confirmed she will attend the grand opening of the Cannes hotel. We met for coffee to discuss our fake dating plan, and we agreed it makes sense. But I’m not sleeping well, and no matter how much I tell myself it’s for the best, my heart rebels, and the future looks bleak.
The hotel opening is fast approaching, and I still haven’t mentioned to Nathalie or Daisy that I’ll be away for a whole week. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but somehow it feels like it is, and I’m dragging my heels. Not that I get much chance to talk to Nathalie. One evening, I overcame my reluctance to pry, and I asked if she was off anywhere nice. She said she was doing an extra shift at the centre because they’re short-staffed. This reminded me about the guy who was hovering when I collected her, and I know I have no right to be jealous, but I am.
