AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Please, please tell me sex with him is good. You wouldn’t give a crumb before, and I let it go.”
“I’m dressed.” I motion to my wrinkled shirt.
“You’re also being no fun at all.”
“Apparently,youare the only one who thinks that.” I steal the note back, slipping it in a Moleskine notebook by my lamp.
What Cary and I are doing is a mystery to me. I’m persnickety about men. I don’t date anyone in the military anymore or older guys, so crossing younger ones off of the list wasn’t a hardship. Cary isn’t what he seems at first glance. When he’s around and attentive to Bhodi, I feel a little less alone. And I can’t deny there is a powerful connection between us during our midnight discussions about everything and nothing. The ease of being with him when my son isn’t part of the picture is unexpected and reassuring.
“Do you like him?” Laurel’s expression softens and her tone is like one she used asking about a cute boy when we were teenagers.
I hear the remnants of loneliness in her voice. The ones she tries to hide when the two of us joke around about men and sex.
I pick at the sheet instead of answering.
“Hol, I think he likes you more than you’re ready to admit he may. You can’t close yourself off to love forever. We have to hold out hope there are more Carys in the world than Williams or we’re doomed. And you’ve already jumped the biggest hurdle a single mom has with dating. Cary loves Bhodi.”
I know my sister is right. Yet, the only thing that would hurt more than losing my heart is breaking my son’s when a man I’m seeing calls it quits. I’ve never introduced Bhodi to anyone I’ve been out with for that very reason. I want to believe someone who leaves a sweet note on my pillow wouldn’t let a romantic relationship’s end ruin a friendship, especially one with the kid whose life I’m responsible for putting back together.
We’re navigating such a slippery slope. For Bhodi, Cary is everything he lost out on; a mentor, a good male role model, a big brother, the sort of best buddy relationship with a father similar to what Laurel and I had with our mom. When we’re together, I risk upending that. For what? In the light of day, my selfishness in the alley and Jake’s office punches me squarely in the nose.
Laurel places her hand on mine before she gets up to leave. “Do me a favor? Don’t think about what can go wrong. Focus on what’s going right. So what if Cary’s not what you had in mind for forever when you were his age? It doesn’t mean he can’t be your now.”
The problem is, Cary is what I had in mind for eternity when I was his age, and my experience has taught me it’s too late for forever.
________________
I smooth my hands down the front of the dress I have on. Baby blue satin with a bateau neckline. The hem ends at my knee. I’m hoping it’s classic enough to stand the test of time. My fingers are clammy and I inspect the rolls of ruching that bunch from underneath my chest to below my hips, making sure there are no sweat marks.
I’ve applied more deodorant than my son agrees to wear in a month. Although that’s not saying much, seeing I’m the one to do his laundry and most of his clothes could get up and walk away on their own.
I’ve never been so unsure of a casual date before. I mean, Cary laid out his expectations when he asked me to go to Glen’s wedding. We’re having sex afterward. So, why am I nervous when I’m not the one getting married?
The bell rings and my heart stops in at Baked Beans for coffee and a bagel before it resets its rhythm. I nearly faint waiting. And then the funniest feeling flows over me. I may think I’ve been freaking out about choosing the right dress so I don’t draw undue attention away from the bride or leave other guests snickering behind Cary’s back, but it was actually the fear he’d leave me high and dry. That I’d gotten my hopes up about someone wanting me for nothing. Because that’s what I know.
Seeing his silhouette on the other side of the door, the anxiety fades. He’s here.
“Right on time!” My red-stained lips curl up, likely giving away how thrilled I am when I answer his knock.
I’m pushed back into the hall by a bulk of rayon and stuffing. Cary’s carrying three brand new sleeping bags with the tags still on them.
“Bhodi knows right?” Cary buzzes like a bee. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was on something.
“Uh, yeah? He’s in the living room watching TV with Laurel and Emory.” I shake my head at Cary’s goofy grin, unable to hide the way I’m smiling back.
We’d discussed the importance of being honest with Bhodi, but only giving him the information he needs and letting him ask questions if there are any blanks to fill in.
My son’s response to me going out with Cary? A very blasé “okay” before turning his attention back to a Lego set. Emory on the other hand… Let’s simply say I was cordially invited to Barbie’s double-ring ceremony and she and Ken have renewed their vows several times this week.
Cary flits down the hall. His exuberance calls to mind the way Bhodi and his buddies scamper for the video game console when a new game releases. Cary’s acting like a trick-or-treater on Halloween, eager to sort and share his stash of candy. I want to be upset that he hasn’t said hello to me, but this child-like buoyancy is endearing.
I saunter in high heels to the living room, listening to excited voices. Leaning against the jamb, I cross my arms over my middle. For as lit as Cary is, I’m equally calm, enjoying the sight of him making my son his priority.
Bhodi rips the tag off of a navy blue sleeping bag and has it out of the sleeve in record time.
“No pink at the store, Emory. Only purple. Think you can survive?”
“I love purple!” She hugs the roll, her still chubby arms too short to fit snug around it.
