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Larysa stands up and walks toward me, her arms folded. “That’sa really healthy outlook.” Sarcasm drips from her voice. “Life doesn’t make any promises. You work your way through it the best you can and at the end of each day, you’re a better person because of how you handled challenges thrown your way.”
“You don’t know anything about my past and what I’ve had to deal with.” I look over Larysa’s shoulder at Daniela having a conversation with her bear and drop my voice. “This wasn’t supposed to be my life. I had dreams and plans and they went up in smoke in seconds.” Wrath knots in my chest. Fucking Dima. That bastard caused so much damage while he was alive. I’m surprised nobody shot him sooner.
“I had dreams, too,” she hisses. “That night at the Fairmont? That wasn’t me. I’m not the kind of girl who just picks up some random, pissed-off stranger in a bar and then sleeps with him. But I’d gotten some really devastating news that day. I’d applied to Juilliard to study music. Tato took me on the audition in New York and I really thought I made it. He was so proud of me. And then I got the rejection letter. It destroyed me knowing I wouldn’t achieve my goals, and that I’d let my father down.”
Her eyes mist over. “Then I was plunged into hell with Tato’s death and then only a little while later finding out my plans had to change again because of the pregnancy. Nothing in my life has gone to plan. Ever. So you’re not the only one. It’s called being an adult. It's called life. We all have dreams. Sometimes they shatter like glass. Maybe it’s time to find a new one.”
“Yeah, well ‘life’ took away my dream of playing professional hockey.” My lips twist, toxic memories of that night bubbling up like lava in my chest. “My brother Dima sent me out on some bullshit errand a couple of days before I was going to try out for the Florida Panthers, the NHL team here in South Florida. I’d been scouted in high school by the coaches, and they wanted to bring me in to see what I could do. He was pissed off that I was ignoring my responsibilities, that I was letting the family down by being so self-centered and focused on what I wanted, not what was best for the family. We’d had a big blowout before I left the house. Then some car came flying through an intersection and plowed into me, then drove off.”
“Oh my God.” Larysa drops her arms and reaches for me. Her fingers cautiously graze my arm, the heat searing my skin.
“I was okay. Bumps and bruises, a broken wrist. But the worst part was that I lost a few degrees of peripheral vision in my right eye. It was enough to take me out of contention for the team. When Dima came to see me at the hospital, he told me to never lose sight of what I need to do for the family. And to never defy him again.”
“Do you think—?”
I shake my head. “I know he sabotaged me. I could never prove it, but I am sure of it. He’s fucked every single one of us at one point or another.” I ball my fingers into tight fists. “And when he was shot right before my sister Valentina was supposed to get married, I hoped that he’d die. He was a piece of shit who only cared about himself and brought hell on the family once he was gone. A lot of loss,” I mutter. “And so much was because of him.”
“I’m really sorry.”
I look down at her hand on my arm. “Now I play in a men’s hockey league and crush every team I play against week after week. And I kill on the side, the exact thing I didn’t want to do because I have no choice. And because of this life I lead, the life we all lead because our father made choices for us, I’ve dealt with enough curve balls to choke a damn horse.”
She slides her palm up the side of my arm, my skin tingling at her gentle touch.
Out of everything, Larysa and Daniela were the biggest curve balls hurled at me…the ones I never saw coming. The ones that have pummeled the shit out of my heart and my head.
Death and destruction? I can navigate those in my sleep because they’re in my blood, just like hockey and vodka.
But love?
Even the word jolts me.
Is it?
The hell if I know. I’ve never felt anything close to it for anyone outside of my family. And I’ve never given a damn enough about someone outside of my family to waste time figuring it out.
“I didn’t want you to leave after that night we spent together.” My throat tightens. The words are out before I can stop them. She left me the morning after, and she wants to leave me again, all because I didn’t say the right thing.
I didn’t say anything.
Larysa lifts her head up, her green eyes glimmering like jewels in the overhead light. “Then why didn’t you ask me to stay?”
“I…I’d fucked up the meeting with your dad. And I didn’t want to go home. I knew I messed up, and facing my dad and my brothers would have been…” My voice trails off and I shake my head. “I wanted to forget for a little while longer, and that’s why I ended up in the bar that night. But after everything that happened between us, I felt a connection like nothing I’ve ever felt before. And I ignored it because I had responsibilities to my family. So I ran away from those responsibilities, and when I got home, everything fell apart.”
“I felt it, too.” Her lips lift. “I still do, after all that time passed, and even with you being a complete dickhead to me,”
“I lost a lot after that trip, and I’ve carried that burden with me for a long time. My sister Valentina was about to get married and disappeared, my dad and Dima were both killed. It was the opening scene of a shit show that’s gone on for the past couple of years. I helped my mother a lot after things fell apart. She was a wreck for a long time and was finally back to normal when we were celebrating Tori’s wedding and the baby. Now with my mom gone because of me, it’s just more salt poured into the bloody, raw gash otherwise known as my life.”
“I blamed myself for Tato’s death, too. I wasn’t supposed to be at the Fairmont. I was supposed to be home. We’d had dinner plans the night he was killed, but because I didn’t show up, he went back to the office where it happened.” Her shoulders slump. “If I’d gone home—”
“So many things might have been different.” I cup her chin and tilt it upward. “But life is out of our control, just like you said. You might have saved him that time, but there would have been another missed dinner, another excuse to go back to the office, another attack. You can’t blame yourself.”
She’s quiet for a minute, then lets out a soft sigh. “You’re right, kettle. Thank you.”
“Anytime, pot.”
Only inches separate us. Her lips are so close, I can taste them. Her scent teases my nostrils, swirling in the air between us, making me dizzy with lust and an insatiable hunger that only she can quell.
“I won’t make the same mistake this time and not say anything. I want you to stay, Larysa. I want you both with me.”
