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It’s a loaded question. Is he asking about the potential hangover I have? Or about what we did last night? Probably both.
Me: A little hungover but amazing.
JP: Drink some water. I’m still downstairs, do you want to go get some breakfast? And talk?
Me: Yes please.
JP: Ten minutes.
I get dressed quickly, brushing my teeth, running a brush through my hair and applying some concealer and mascara so I’m not looking like an actual train wreck before I tiptoe down the stairs careful not to wake anyone in my house. It’s not strange that JP and I are getting breakfast together alone but I didn’t want anyone to wake up and have them invite themselves to go with us, disallowing us any privacy. We needed to talk and I needed to come again. Fingers crossed on the latter.
As soon as we’re in his car, I don’t waste a second before I break the tension. “So about last night…” I look over at him and I honestly wish I hadn’t because I get caught up in how unbelievably gorgeous he looks. He’s wearing different sweatpants than he did last night, my guess for obvious reasons, a black T-shirt and a black baseball hat worn to the front making him look at least ten years younger. His biceps flex under the shirt and I see those familiar tattoos peeking under the sleeve. I reach out to drag my fingertips over the familiar numbers. My birthday. His muscles tighten and I smile at the thought that I affect him so much. JP had tattoos of both Mason and my birthdays that he’d gotten right after we were born and that fact hits me harder than it usually does.
“What about it?” He looks over at me and I can see a smile pulling at his lips but he doesn’t say anything else.
“I liked it.”
He doesn’t say anything for a minute; he just continues to drive. “So did I.” My cheeks heat and I resist the urge to squeal because Oh. My. God. What does this mean? “It doesn’t mean I think we should do it again.”
Fuck. And just like that, the excitement leaves me and I’m flooded with rejection and annoyance. “Why? Did I do something wrong?”
His hand grabs mine for a second but he drops it just as quickly, probably thinking he shouldn’t touch me at all right now. “No, of course not. You did everything right. Fucking too right. It’s my fault. I knew better and… I shouldn’t have touched you like that.”
“JP…” I turn toward him and cock my head to the side.
“I’m your godfather, Whitney. I was there the day you were born. I was there for so many of your firsts. I can’t be this person.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“I know why in theory but… didn’t you see how right that felt?”
“Do you know how this looks?” he answers without responding to my question.
“Do you care?”
He shoots me a shocked look before turning his gaze back to the road. “What your parents think? Yes.”
“I wasn’t suggesting we tell them.” I roll my eyes and prop my feet up on his dashboard. “I’m going to college in the fall.” I shrug. “Everyone goes a little crazy the summer before college. I want to have some fun. It’s not a big deal.” I try to appear as unfazed as possible at the idea of going down this road with JP but truthfully, I was freaking the fuck out.
“You told me you had feelings for me, Whit. That’s not just fun. I don’t want to fuck our whole relationship up more than it probably already is.”
“You could never fuck things up with me, JP. Even if we don’t go back down this road. Or if… hopefully,” I poke his cheek, looking for that dimple that makes me melt and sure enough, he smiles and it pops out. “We do. It wouldn’t ruin anything between you and me.” He doesn’t say anything, he just continues to look straight ahead as he pulls into the parking lot of the small coffee house that serves the best breakfast sandwiches in town. “Didn’t you like kissing me?”
“Too fucking much. I can’t get it out of my head. Or your body on top of me, humping me.” He rubs his forehead. “How did we… Where did you…” He rubs his forehead before looking over at me. He unashamedly runs his gaze over my bare legs and up to my face meeting my eyes. “You are unbelievably sexy, Whitney.”
I beam under his praise. “Thank you.”
“And I just don’t know where that came from. How you went from this young girl who I used to drive to soccer practice and pick up from school when your parents were out of town to this.” He sighs. “I sat awake last night actively telling myself not to text you to come back down.”
“I would have come running.” I look up through the sunroof of the car and up into the clear, bright sky. “Pun intended?”
He chuckles and shakes his head before putting the car in park and turning it off. “What am I going to do with you?” I start to respond with something cheeky and flirty when he puts a hand up. “Do not answer that.” He stares out the window, his face getting more serious before he starts to speak. “In all honesty, how did this happen? These feelings for me? Did I do something? I swear I—”
“No, Jacob…” I say, the word feeling foreign as I’ve always called him JP. “It just happened.” I contort my lips trying to prevent myself from tearing up. “You just always looked out for me. You were always there in ways my dad and my brother weren’t. You were the person I could talk to. The person I could be myself with, tell my thoughts and feelings and fears to and you never judged me or made me feel bad about anything. You were always the one person I knew I could count on, and also the one that would never ground me. So, you were different than my parents even though you all seemed to think you were.” I roll my eyes. “I know it’s big, JP and I totally understand if you can’t or don’t want to.”
He’s still staring straight ahead, not looking at me even as he begins speaking. “I fucking want to. It’s unbelievable that you, of all women, do this to me. That last night happened and all I can think about is doing it again.” He finally turns his gaze to me and grabs my face with his large hand. “We’ll take it slow.” He rubs his nose across mine once. “Very slow.”
