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I should use this opportunity to bolt. Mimi followed me downstairs, but when she saw Sergei, she disappeared. Felix isn’t here. And in Sergei’s current state, it’s possible he wouldn’t follow me if I try to leave. It’s now or never.
I take a step back, turn and head toward the door. He doesn’t follow. Only ten or so steps separate me from possible freedom. I’m wearing pajamas and my feet are bare, but I can’t risk going back upstairs for shoes. Six steps. Five. He’s okay, he’ll snap out of his funk on his own. Three steps. I need to think about myself. I won’t have an opportunity like this again. One step. I stop in front of the door and throw a look over my shoulder. Sergei is still standing in the same spot. I grab the knob.
“Fuck,” I mumble, turn on my heel and head back.
Carefully I reach out and place my hand on Sergei’s forearm.
“Hey,” I say and squeeze him lightly. “Can you look at me?”
Exhaling, he bends his head and looks down, but I still can’t see his eyes that well.
“Um... can you put away those?” I nod toward his left hand where he’s still holding two blades.
He opens his fingers and the knives fall to the floor. Good. What do I do now? He still seems zoned out.
“What do you think about my pajamas? I didn’t peg you for a baby panda lover.”
My idiotic question is what finally gets his attention. He lowers his gaze to scan down my body, then lifts his eyes back up. “They’re awful.”
“You bought them.” I smirk.
“Store attendant picked them out. She has bad taste.”
“I think they’re nice.”
“Believe me, they’re not.”
I expect him to smile after that declaration, but he just keeps standing there. I don’t like how still he is. Lifting my hand, I place my fingertip at the bridge of his nose and slowly trace a line along it, feeling a few ridges under the skin. It’s the only imperfection on his impossibly handsome face. “How many times did you break your nose?”
“Four.”
“You like bar brawls?”
“No. It happened during my training.”
“What kind of training?”
“I can’t talk about it.”
It’s strange how he can keep the conversation going while not being fully present. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happening. It seems like he’s here, but at the same time, he isn’t.
I reach out and place my hand on his chest. “Thank you for buying clothes for me. Feeding me. Washing my hair.” I let my palm slide upward until it reaches his face, which is still set in hard lines. “Thank you for saving my life, Sergei.”
He shakes his head and looks into my eyes. “Varya bathed you. Roman’s housekeeper. I didn’t think it would beappropriate for me to see you naked,” he says, his voice sounding almost normal. “I just carried you to the bathroom, and then out when she was done.”
“That was considerate of you.” I take his right hand in mine. “I’m hungry. How about we go make me a sandwich?”
“Sure.” Sergei blinks once, but it’s as if his eyelids are moving in slow-motion. Then, his shoulders lower ever-so-slightly.
He’s back. I let out a breath and turn toward the kitchen but stop. Felix is standing at the front door, watching us. The light from the lamp on his left illuminates him, revealing an expression of utter confusion mixed with surprise. I feel Sergei’s body go rigid behind me. It lasts only for a second. He then lunges toward Felix, wraps his right hand around the old man’s neck, and presses him against the door. I gasp and stare at Sergei in shock. Felix doesn’t move a muscle, doesn’t try to free himself. He remains utterly still with his back pressed to the door, and Sergei’s huge hand wrapped around his neck, as if this has happened before.
I take a step forward, but then Felix slightly raises his hand, signaling me to stay back.
“Sergei?” I say quietly.
Nothing. He tilts his head to the side and stares at Felix as if he’s deciding how to end him. A low whimper comes from my right. Without taking my eyes off Sergei, I take two steps to the side and grab Mimi by the collar so she won’t interfere.
“Sergei?” I call again, louder this time, and sigh with relief when he turns his head.
