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“So tell me,” I urge. “I’m sure I can keep up.”
With a noise of frustration, he slides his hands into his pockets and stares down at his boots. I don’t think he’s going to answer me, and I’m about to storm off, but my instincts tell me to wait. Darkness flickers over his face then, and the atmosphere changes, his body becoming tenser, and I realise that he’s not fully with me right now, but lost in a memory.
“I’ve been on my own for a long time. It’s better that way. You don’t want me for a friend,” he finally grinds out in disgust, but I know his revulsion is not aimed at me when he raises his eyes to meet mine. I don’t know his past, and I don’t know the reasons for him becoming a lone wolf, but he blames himself for whatever happened, that much is clear in his expression.
My heart goes out to him, and if I knew that he wouldn’t pull away from me, I’d wrap my arms around him and offer him comfort. Something terrible happened to him, and that’s led to who he is today. Releasing a long breath, I push my hair back and purse my lips in consideration. I have to be careful with how I word this, because if he suspects that I pity him, then he’ll turn away, but I genuinely want him to be part of my life. We saved each other’s asses in the trial, so surely if anything would bring two friends together, it would be that.
“I thought we were a pretty good team in the trial, and I feel like the goddess has brought us together for a reason,” I explain. “We’re both disliked by the council, so let’s stick together to get through this.”
He frowns slightly at my mention of the goddess, watching me silently as he considers my words. I can practically feel his mind ticking over, and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from saying anything else, realising that he needs this time to think. I take it as a positive that he’s not immediately turned me down, which he would have done if he had no intentions of being my friend. Making a humming noise in the back of his throat, he gestures down the path, motioning that we should get going. He’s right, we’re just standing in the open in the centre of the town where anyone could overhear us.
Nodding, I walk by his side, my mind wandering as I take in the town. It’s so much like the human towns and cities, only everyone here is a werewolf. I still don’t understand how they have managed to conceal all this from the humans.
“I meant what I said yesterday.”
His voice takes me by surprise. He’d effectively shut down, and I thought he was done talking, but apparently I was wrong. His comment could be referring to a multitude of things. Glancing up, I raise a brow and wait for him to continue.
“I plan to fail the next trial so I can leave.”
Ah, that. The idea of him not being here any longer is uncomfortable, and I can’t quite put a finger on why. I’m sure the goddess put us together in the trial for a reason, one I’m still trying to work out. That must be the reason it feelswrongto imagine Scott’s absence, because the goddess has a plan. I want to tell him this and demand that he change his mind and stay, but he’s a lone wolf and will do whatever suits him. He’s already done more for me than most strangers would, especially seeing as I’m only half-wolf. Instead of voicing any of this, I take a breath and nod.
“I know, but we still have to survive it first. Isn’t it better to have a friend in there looking out for you?”
He obviously wasn’t expecting my answer, and he falls silent, keeping his gaze ahead as we walk.
The hotel my family is staying in is right on the very edge, almost in the forest itself. I’m sure it was supposed to be an insult, with all of the larger packs in the centre of town and closer to all the amenities, but this suits my pack better. We’re small and prefer a simple life in the woods. I find it so strange to be walking around like this, knowing that werewolves live in these towering buildings so far away from nature. It just doesn’t seem natural.
We pass several people as we cross through town, but they mostly just ignore us and go about their day. I’m even more shocked when we walk by a small play park and there are pups running around. Children in both their human and werewolf forms are playing on the swings and running around, fully out in the open without a care in the world. I’ve been taught that it’s vital to be careful who we shift around, because if a human saw us, it would have serious consequences for all of us.
“I’m sorry if I seem rude. I’ve not had a friend for a long time.”
Pulling my gaze from the pups, I look over and find him watching me. It takes me a moment to form my response. Sure, he has been rude, and his mood swings are giving me a headache, but I understand. My family, my pack, are everything to me. I can’t even imagine being a lone wolf, isolated from everyone and unwelcome everywhere. He’s completely alone and has no one to watch his back other than himself. If I truly want to be his friend and prove I meant what I said, then I need to show him.
Taking a deep breath, I give him a small smile. “Then now is about time you started.”
He huffs out a breath, and I can see I’m wearing him down. Finally, he rolls his eyes and smiles. “Fine. Friends.”
Grinning, I tilt my head to one side as I contemplate what I want to know about him. “Seeing as we’re friends now, can I ask you a question?”
“I’m regretting this already,” he grumbles, but his small smile tells me he’s joking. “Go ahead.”
“Yesterday, I saw a mark on your shoulder. It looked like a faded mate mark.”
I might be pushing him, since it’s a fairly personal topic, but I’ve always been curious. Plus, I’ve never seen one like that before, and it intrigues me. Mate marks are rare enough that I’ve only seen a handful anyway, but I didn’t know they could look like that. It’s not really a question, but he seems to know what I’m asking anyhow.
“Ah, yeah. I was wondering if you’d notice that.” The smile has dropped from his lips and tension tightens his features, but he doesn’t try to get out of answering like I thought he might. “I once made a deal with the goddess, and that was the price.” He glances at me to gauge my reaction, and I force myself to wear a neutral expression. Sighing, he continues, “My lover at the time was dying. I thought she was the one and perhaps her mark hadn’t shown up yet.” He shakes his head with a wry smile.
I wince. It’s common knowledge that werewolves are born with mate marks and destined at birth to be matched with another. He had to have known this, but I suppose love and desperation make you do crazy things.
He catches my expression and nods.
“I was naïve. The goddess gave me a choice. I could either let my lover die as the Fates willed it, or defy the Fates and give up the chance of finding my true mate. In return, my lover would be saved. I took that option. The mark started to burn as soon as I made the decision. It was agonising. This is what I’m left with now. I thought it would disappear completely, but no, I’m left with a reminder of my stupidity.” Self-loathing coats every word.
My heart breaks for him. What a terrible position to be put in—let your lover die or have her survive but lose your chance at meeting your true mate. I suppose at the time, the love he must have felt for her overrode everything else. I don’t know where this lover is now, but it’s becoming pretty clear that she’s no longer a part of his life. “What happened?” I ask quietly, almost not wanting to know the answer.
“She found someone else and ran off with them. That’s when I realised how much I screwed up. I left my pack that day, got on my bike, and became a lone wolf.” His expression is haunted. “It’s better for me to be alone,” he repeats, and I’m pretty sure he’s saying this to himself rather than me, a mantra he’s adopted to help him survive the heartbreak.
I can’t even imagine the pain of what he’s been through. He was so convinced of the love he had for another that he gave up everything for her. Goddess blessed mates are sacred and rare, and he traded that in to keep his lover alive, only for her to betray him and run off with another. How he reacts and composes himself makes much more sense now, and I can see why he was so reluctant to accept my friendship.
