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He intended to purposely fail the task so he was able to leave. At least, that’s what he told me he was going to do the day before the trial. As a lone wolf, once he’s knocked out, he has no reason to stick around and can leave without reprimand. What I didn’t comprehend was just how difficult I’d find this conversation. It made me uncomfortable when we spoke about it before, but it’s hitting me a lot harder now that it’s a reality.
He pauses, and my breath catches in my throat. I can’t make out his expression, but he’s hesitating. Why would he hesitate unless something has changed? “I decided to stay.” The admission is slow, but his stare is intense, his eyes locked on mine. “I discovered that I was more invested in the trials than I first thought.”
My heart pounds in my chest. Is he saying that he’s staying because of me? I have no idea what’s going on here. Somehow, we’ve gone from strangers to him staying and risking his life for me in the trials after only knowing each other a handful of days. I want to explore this further, but I can’t deal with this now. I’m high from the pain meds and my mind is such a mess from everything that happened. He must see this in my expression, because he just nods slowly after a few seconds.
I look back at Nicolai, wincing at his haggard and bruised appearance. Guilt eats me alive. I should have done more to help him. I don’t know how, but he’s my friend, I should have found a way.
“Can Nicolai and I have a moment together?” I ask the rest of the room, not taking my gaze off the male in question. There’s a pause, but thankfully no one objects, and they quietly slip from the room.
Shifting in the bed as much as my exhausted, aching limbs will allow, I twist to face Nicolai as best as I can. My eyes greedily scan over him like I’ve not seen him in months, taking in every detail. The feeling must be mutual, as he’s doing the same with me. When he sees my concern for him, he smiles, his hand squeezing mine. This doesn’t help to ease my guilt like I’m sure he was aiming for, instead making it worse.
“What happened to you?” I whisper. Something about being alone in here together makes it feel surreal. Whether that’s because of everything that’s happened since I last saw him, I’m not sure. He’s trying to put on a strong front for me, but I can see how much even just sitting here is taking out of him.
“I’ve not seen you in days. The healers wouldn’t let me.” It feels really important that he’s aware that I tried to see him and that he’s been on my mind frequently.
His smile drops, and he finally lets me see his true feelings. Exhaustion, pain, and disappointment are written all over him. “I failed the maze.” Shaking his head, he looks at our joined hands. “After the injuries I sustained in the scavenger hunt, I just wasn’t strong or fast enough to get to the centre in time.”
He failed. A selfish part of me is glad, because it means he won’t be taking part in any more trials that will put his life at risk. However, I would never wish that he’d get injured like this to achieve that. If I had just managed to get to him in time, if I’d helped him in the first trial, then things might have been different. He shouldn’t even be here in the first place.
“No, don’t look like that. This isn’t your fault,” he insists, his voice stronger than I’ve heard it since I woke up in this room. “For some reason, my wound won’t heal. It’s become infected and spread to the bone. That’s why I wasn’t strong enough to finish the maze. I’ll be in the healers’ complex for a while.”
It takes a lot for a werewolf to have an infection, especially one that actually causes symptoms like this. Squeezing his hand, I try not to let my heartbreak show on my face. “Oh, Nicolai. I’m sorry.”
“Ah, don’t worry about me. I’m strong, so a little infection won’t get the better of me.” He smiles and shrugs like this is nothing, but I can see how much his sickness has weakened him.
Seeing how strong he’s trying to be for me makes me realise that maybe this is what he needs right now, even if it’s false hope, so I take a deep breath and plaster a smile on my face, pretending that everything is fine.
ChapterTen
My father’s face twists in agony as the scorpion’s huge stinger stabs through his chest, his red blood vivid against his pale skin. The noise that rips from his throat reverberates in my ears in a way that shouldn’t be possible in a room made of sandstone.
I’m teetering on a tiny platform that seems to get smaller by the second, as hundreds of tiny creatures crawl up my legs, stinging me as they climb.
The next second, unexplainably, I’m at my father’s side, and I come to the slow realisation that I must be dreaming. It doesn’t feel like a dream though, because everything is so vivid. The scorpions are gone now, and I’m just looking down at a bloated corpse. However, it’s no longer my father. I should be relieved, but horror fills me as Nicolai looks up at me.
“This is your fault,” his corpse whispers. “I’m only here because of you.”
Before I can respond, the body changes, and it’s the stranger who’d been spelled to look like my father. “Why didn’t you rescue me? I died because of you.”
“I’m sorry,” I sob, reaching for him even though I know it’s too late.
The body changes again in the next heartbeat, and I find myself looking down at Syn. “You have no idea what I’ve done to make sure you survive, and this is how you repay me?”
“No!” I pull away, a cry on my lips.
“Laelia!” Joel’s voice snaps me awake. It’s not necessarily the sound of his voice that wakes me, or the raw alpha power that’s in it, making my name more of an order than anything else. No, it’s the fear that’s pouring down the bond.
His hands are on my shoulders, and my eyes skim over his face, checking that he’s okay, that he’s alive, and that I’ve not failed him too.
Nausea rolls through me, and I pull away, jumping from the bed and just making it to the bathroom in time to vomit into the toilet. Heaving up the meagre contents of my stomach, I cling onto the basin as my body voids itself. Exhausted and between retching, I rest my hot, sweaty cheek against my arm.
Pieces of my dream slowly start to worm their way into my thoughts. As with most dreams, it’s beginning to fade now that I’m awake, but certain parts stay with me, and I’m sure they will for some time. The corpses’ words will haunt me, playing on all of my insecurities and failures. I’m fully aware that dreams are my subconscious, and it will embellish and change true events into something else entirely, but one aspect was right—I didn’t save the stranger in the maze, and had I been faster, or better, then I could have. I still don’t even know his name.
I understand why my father was in my dream, but why the hell was Syn there? Sure, he helped me out of the maze, but why was I imagining him dead? Is there some truth behind dream Syn’s words?
“You have no idea what I’ve done to make sure you survive, and this is how you repay me?”
No, it was just a dream. I repeat those words over and over, hoping that it will eventually make me believe it.It was just a dream, just a dream.
