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NY it is, my friend.
Calling him a friend is far-fetched. Not sure what we are to each other, but that’ll do. After all, we’ve been texting regularly for two months. I couldn’t resist teasing him with pictures of Copenhagen earlier this summer, and he got revenge by flooding my phone with places he visited in Bali. I can’t deny that I look forward to his fun and witty texts. They’re sprinkled with peculiar words, such as ethereal, cramoisy, and aesthete. He often gets carried away, especially when discussing fashion, and I never fail to poke fun at him for it!
Whatever we’ve built resembles an online friendship. I’m actually looking forward to seeing him in the flesh. It’ll help me to determine whether this friendship translates in real life.
My feelings for Ash are all over the place and give me cold sweats whenever I dwell on them for too long. Admitting this to him never crossed my mind, though. First, he’s in a steady relationship. Second, I’m not interested in anything long-term. Third, if we were both available, we’d risk our burgeoning friendship… Even if things were different, there’s no way I’d fuck this up.
Why can’t I accept that the one guy I feel a genuine connection with isn’t available?Granted, the fact that Ash is forbidden territory might be one of the reasons that I can’t stop thinking about how compatible we are. Not that I’m looking for commitment right now—or ever—but we could have had a ball exploring our unique bond.
I cough lightly. His words widen my satisfied smile.
Ash
*Happy dance* Seriously? That’s awesome!
I was about to ask if you were on vacation anytime soon. When are you crossing the pond?
Nino
Happy dance indeed. Soon. Early Sept. My flight gets there on the first Thursday. Will send more info ASAP.
What’s going on? Why a breather?
Ash
Oh wow! Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.
Less than a week into texting, I noticed his tendency to brush off his emotions. It irritates me to no end. Acknowledging my emotions doesn’t mean that I’m ready to address them, but I can’t ignore them either. Just like I don’t think that addressing them is a girly thing to do. My absent father kept repeating that spending too much time with my mom “did this” to me. As if it was a bad thing. As if he had no say in the way I was raised. As if my sexual orientation resulted from being in touch with my emotions. What a crock of bullshit!
All in all, I’m thankful that the famous photographer who initially pretended to be a family man wasn’t around much. My parents’ divorce sealed the deal: He preferred his camera to his family and ditched us. And don’t get me started on the fact that not too long after he deserted us to travel the world with no strings attached, I heard that he found himself a new family. In retrospect, I see that my mom and I are much better off without him. The man isn’t worth my time, and he’s no more than a sperm donor as far as I’m concerned.
Damn, why am I thinking about that asshole? Focus, Nino, focus… Your only links to the guy are your last name and Y chromosome.
And yet, the irony of the situation isn’t lost on me. I chose to follow in Jean-Baptiste Toussaint’s footsteps to some extent. At least, my way of life doesn’t affect anyone else.
Back to Ash who’s pretending to be fine…
Nino
I insist.
Ash
Fine! Stress at work: new manager. Former coworker who got promoted.
He thinks management means bossing people around. He’s an ass.
As enticing as the thought is, I delete my initial comment about being more tempted by his ass than his boss’s. I shake my head at my cowardice; either way, flirting with him via text is a bad idea.
Well, flirting with him is a bad idea. Period.
Nino
Being bossed around isn’t your thing?
My question is meant to lighten the mood, but his interpretation of it startles me and makes me second-guess myself.
Ash
