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“Where have you been, Paige?”
“I can’t tell you right now. Maybe later.” The irony hits me as I say the words. Maybe Mom is right. Maybe she’s not the monster I think she is.
“Are you coming home with us?” asks Emma.
“I can’t.”
“Don’t worry, dear.” Mom places her hand on Emma’s shoulder. “I’ll be there for you.”
My self-control amazes me as I watch Emma smile in return. Her hands leave me as she lets Mom pull her into an embrace. I feel my heart being torn in two at the sight. I should be happy, even relieved, that Mom will be there for Emma. But I can’t help but think about myself.
Where were you whenIneeded you, Mom?
Dad murmurs in his bed, a faint smile on his lips. A smile of victory, perhaps? I glance at Mom. For a brief moment, it’s like I’m staring into a mirror.
I recognize the look in her eyes as she looks at Dad.
It’s the same resentful look I reserve for Andrei.
Chapter 40
Paige
The visit is short. Emma remains attached to Mom once I tell her I can’t return to the house with her. I wonder how long Emma has been in the house by herself. I speak with the nurse, and she tells me that Dad was admitted yesterday. He’s expected to leave in a day or two.
And not because he’s getting better.
“He should be on hospice,” she says. I notice the way she looks at me, as if I haven’t been here the entire time. I want to shout and tell them they’re wrong. I have been here and still would have been here if it wasn’t for Andrei.
I sit in a chair away from the bed while Emma sits by the bed with Mom by her side.
Maybe this is better, I tell myself.
But the truth is I want to leave the hospital. I want to return to the mansion because I didn’t realize how tired I was until I saw my family again. I want someone to care for me and give a shit about my needs. I want someone to give a shit over whether I live or die.
Not because they need me to take care of them, but because they want me.
It’s selfish, I know. But I want someone to remind me that I matter.
My phone chimes with a message from Andrei, asking how it’s going.
Should I be offended that he’s checking up on me? I’m not. I’m glad that he wants to know where I am. That he might actually miss me. I want him to care.
I shoot off a response to him that things are fine and that I’ll be leaving soon. I glance up and see Emma watching me.
“Are you leaving now?” she asks in a small voice that jabs at my heart.
“I am.” I nod. “We’ll talk soon, but not here.”
I avoid my mother’s gaze as her words tumble out of my mouth.It’s not the same. It can’t be the same. My gaze meets hers, and instead of snarky triumph, all I see is concern.
The look startles me. Does Mom know?
***
Emma stays behind with Dad while Mom walks me out to my waiting car. I recognize my guards in the corridor, mingling as we pass and trying to blend into the background, but that’s difficult in their dark designer suits.
The air smells fresh once we step outside, and the heat swarms around me as June slowly turns into July. Oleg sits in the Rover, and Mom places her hand on my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
