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“They’re out here in the woods too?” I squeak.
Natasha laughs at my guilty reaction. “Along the perimeter. No one can see us now, which is why you shouldn’t be out here alone.” She glances down at my belly. “You should probably sit down for a little while. I will keep you company.”
I hadn’t planned on it, but I don’t mind Natasha staying with me. We walk a few paces, and I follow her since she obviously knows where the path is. She leads me to a fallen tree trunk, and I wonder if it’s the same one I sat on with Emma. I look around me at the wide expanse of the woods. I doubt it’s the same tree, but I like the thought that it might be.
“Did you come out here to think?” she asks.
There was a time Natasha would’ve accused me of trying to run away, but I don’t say it, only think it. Natasha doesn’t believe I would run now, though I think of leaving every day. The guilt of staying eats at me when I know my baby is in danger if I stay.
“Yes, I did come out here to think.” I hesitate but find my nerve. “Do you think I could ever have a normal life again?”
She stares at me as if I just appeared next to her out of thin air. “This is your normal life, Paige Geraldovna.”
I shake my head. “I know that this is your normal life, but I mean mine, the one that I left.”
Natasha looks away, trying to conceal the look of disappointment on her face. She obviously thought I had changed. I did too, but we were both fools to think I could accept Andrei’s world without trying to change it into mine. At least for my baby.
“Why would you want to go back to that life?” she asks. “Andrei Vasilyevich gives you so much.”
I swallow hard when I realize she thinks I’m ungrateful. “It’s the violence, Natasha. My mother was murdered, my father was a thief, my cousin was shot dead, and my sister is in the wind.”
“How much did your father steal?” She watches me with her cool green eyes, and I realize too late I may have made a dangerous mistake.
“Andrei must have told you,” I stammer. “You already know what my father did.”
She looks at me hard, and the prickly sensation that runs through me tells me I’m in danger. “A few details. But there were others?”
“I only remember Vasily’s name. My father was an accountant. He skimmed money off the top.”
Natasha looks away, and the tension is instantly gone. “Oh, all accountants do that.” She eyes me again. “He must have stolen a lot of money.”
My mind whirls in circles. I’ve said too much. I can’t remember what’s already been said. Should I tell a lie? “I only know about the money he stole for himself and Eva.”
We sit quietly with our own thoughts. I force myself to stop wringing my hands. My nerves are always showing around these people, clueing them to how weak I am. I glance over at Natasha, who’s staring off into the distance. Her body is relaxed as she crosses her ankles and enjoys the sounds of the birds as they sing overhead.
“You’re not thinking of leaving?” she asks suddenly.
I bite my lip until I think I might draw blood. “I’m worried about my baby. That night when we woke up and found that man in our room.” I shake my head. “My worst fear turned into a reality. It could happen again.”
“It will happen if you continue to insist on coming here alone.”
“I could go somewhere where people don’t know Andrei or me,” I bargain. “He could stop doing this. He doesn’t have to run a Bratva.”
Natasha looks at me as if I’m completely mad. “And do what, Paige? He’ll always be associated with the Bratva. No one will believe he’s not. They will know the moment they see his tattoos. It’s like taking a fish out of the ocean and expecting it to fly like a bird because you tell it so.”
“I just want a life where I don’t have to be scared.”
“That’s not possible for anyone, anywhere,” Natasha says softly, her brow furrowing as if she’s trying hard to picture it. “You are Bratva now and forever.”
I feel her hand on my shoulder as I wipe the tears away from my eyes. Now and forever. “I never had a chance, did I?”
Natasha does something I never thought she would do. She pulls me close and hugs me in her arms. Her hand smooths my hair as I cry harder on her shoulder. I never expected tenderness from her. Much less understanding.
“Paige,” she says. “You’re not the type of person to live a quiet, dull life. You patched up the arm of a pakhan while bullets flew past your head. That is not an ordinary person. You were meant to have a big life, a bold life. Don’t worry about things that may never happen. It’s keeping you from treasuring the good things you have here.”
“I do love him, Natasha,” I reply softly. “That’s the thing. It’s not the money, the jewelry, or the cars. It’shimthat keeps me here.”
Natasha hugs me tighter. “I know, lucky girl. We all know. And despite what he does or says, Andrei Vasilyevich feels the same way about you.”
