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“Tell me what you’re thinking, Grayson. Even if it’s just to tell me you want me to leave.Please, just speak to me. I’m begging you,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
He looks into my eyes, and it kills me to find nothing there. There’s no love, no affection, no intimacy. “Are you coming back? You signed a contract.”
I blink in disbelief and laugh humorlessly as a tear rolls down my face. I swipe it away angrily.
“Yeah, unless you don’t want me to. I love my job, Gray… but if you don’t want me to come back, I won’t.”
He nods and looks down at his feet. “No, you should keep your job. You’re good at what you do, Aria. It’d be a loss for the company if you left.”
My heart twists painfully, and I look away. A loss for the company, but not for him. How could this have happened? How did we grow this far apart?
“While I’m at home, I’ll start searching for a place to stay on some of the housing forums and online groups.”
Gray raises his hand to my face, but he pulls it away before touching me, letting it drop to his side. “My house is big enough, Aria. You can stay here if you want to.”
I swallow hard. Stay here? And do what? Watch him move on with his life? Watch him pick up the pieces of his broken heart and hand them to someone else? Am I supposed to watch him eventually fall for someone else? Listen as he brings other women home? Grayson won’t stay single for long. He’s too big of a catch. Even if he doesn’t want to date right now, he’ll get lonely, eventually. He’s far too passionate to go without a woman for too long, and I don’t want to be around to watch him find the girl that manages to keep his attention in ways I failed to. Maybe that’s all I was to him. I was accessible and easy.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Grayson.”
He nods and takes a step away. “Would you like me to drive you to the airport? What time is your flight?”
It hurts. It hurts that he isn’t in any way asking me to stay. My last few hopes disappear, leaving me feeling empty. I didn’t even realize I wanted him to fight for me, not until just now.
“No,” I tell him, my voice barely above a whisper. “My flight isn’t until tonight, but I just wanted to check in already. And I… I just want to go. I need to leave.”
I can’t explain how I feel. I want to run from the pain, the emptiness that surrounds me in this house, the memories of us.
Grayson nods, and I force a smile onto my face as I walk past him, the sound of my suitcase’s wheels filling the silence. I turn back to look at him as I reach the door, knowing this is the last time I get to look at him and consider him mine.
We might not have said the words, but we both know this is the end for us. We were over before we ever really began. Grayson and I… we’re two damaged souls that sought salvation in each other, our quest ending in mutual destruction instead.
I brought devastation to him through my platform and his mother’s case, while he… he destroyed me by making me believe in love when I should have known better.
“Goodbye, Grayson,” I whisper, before turning and leaving behind the best thing that ever happened to me.
But here’s the thing about that… just because he’s the love of my life doesn’t mean I’m his.
65
Grayson
I stare out my office window, my mind replaying this morning’s scene. Aria standing in the living room with her suitcase in hand, telling me she’s leaving. I knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
I knew I was losing her, and all along, I knew I only had myself to blame. I pushed her away, and I did it knowingly. Every time she looked at me, silently begging me to kiss her, to hold her. Every time she wore something sexy, just to get a reaction out of me. Every one of those times, my non-response was speaking louder than any words I could say.
It fucking killed me to watch her walk out the door, but what right do I have to ask her to stay? She might be hurting now, but she won’t for long. A girl like her… she isn’t for me. I don’t deserve her. I never did, but even less so now.
I can’t even touch her without hurting her. If it’s this bad now, how much worse will it get through the years? Over time, I might truly become like my father, and I need Aria out of harm’s way. I’d never forgive myself if I hurt her again. Watching her clutching her throat, tears in her eyes, all because I couldn’t hold back? That can never happen again.
It’s not just physically that I’m hurting her. I can’t even fulfill her emotional needs. I can’t put her fears to rest, I can’t take away her insecurities. Aria needs someone that can love her fearlessly, someone that can touch her without holding back, make her feel as beautiful as she is, and that can never be me.
“Grayson?”
I look up to find Elliot standing in my doorway, his expression torn. He steps aside, and I freeze.
“Ida?”
She nods and hesitates before walking into my office. Elliot steps back and closes the door behind him. I sit up, surprised to find her here.
