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Mom glances at Emilia in apology, but Emilia merely smiles tightly. I know she’s blaming herself, but we’ll need to look toward the future now. We need to focus on Kate’s recovery.
Chapter 47
Carter
I’m exhausted by the time I park my car in front of my apartment. I’m emotionally drained and physically worn out. Coach benched me because I couldn’t focus well enough and I can’t even get myself to care. I’ve always loved being on the field, but not even that is helping me clear my mind. I’m worried about Kate, about Mom, and about Emilia. It’s like every day I watch my family fall apart a little more, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
The other day, I overheard Kate blaming Emilia for her own actions yet again. I just stood there and let it happen. I couldn’t go in and defend my girlfriend, because it would just make Kate hate her even more. I hate being torn between the two of them, especially since it’s Emilia’s side I want to be on. It’s Kate that’s sick, but I feel sorrier for Emilia. No matter how hard she tries, Kate keeps lashing out at her, and I can’t protect her without hurting Kate. With every day that Kate refuses to acknowledge her wrongs, my mother and Emilia’s spirits dampen even more.
I pause in front of my front door and rest my head against it. Ever since Emilia and I started living together, I’ve raced back home every single day. Ever since then, it’s been our little safe haven. It pains me that I struggle to step foot through the door now. Every day I keep coming up with more excuses to stay away for just an hour longer. I wish I were as brave and as patient as Emilia and Mom are. I inhale deeply and steel myself as I unlock the door.
Mom looks up from the sofa when I walk in and tries her best to smile at me, but she fails miserably. She looks as worn out as I feel with the bags underneath her red eyes. She stands up to greet me, and I hug her. Mom clutches my t-shirt and rests her head against my chest. She doesn’t need to say a word for me to know how hard things have been for her. It’s been two weeks since Kate OD’ed, and she seems to get more and more vicious by the day. It’s not just Emilia she lashes out at— it’s all of us now. I rub Mom’s back and she inhales deeply, as though she’s trying her best to remain composed.
“Hi Mom,” I murmur. “Brought you your favorite dessert.” I dropped by one of Emilia’s favorite bakeries on the way home and got her a chocolate dessert that I’m hoping will lift her spirits just a little. While I was at it, I picked up a lemon tart for Kate and tiramisu for Mom.
Mom lets go of me and takes the bag. “I’ll put this in the fridge,” she tells me. I nod and watch her disappear into the kitchen before I make my way to my bedroom, where Emilia is undoubtedly hiding. Asher gave up his room for Kate and is currently staying with one of his friends, while Emilia and I gave up our room for my parents. It’s only during the day we get to use the room. We’ve been sleeping on the sofa, tasked with preventing Kate from sneaking out at night. We’ve even had to install extra locks on the inside of our front door.
I’m grateful Emilia offered our bedroom to my parents, but I’m worried she no longer feels at home here. Especially considering everything she’s had to go through with Kate.
Emilia is sitting on our bed with her laptop in front of her when I walk in. She stares at it dazedly and doesn’t snap out of it until the sound of the door closing behind me echoes through the room. She looks up at me and tries to smile the way Mom did.
“Hey baby,” I murmur. Emilia closes her laptop and rises to her knees as I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her. “I missed you.”
She hugs me tightly and presses her lips to my neck. “I missed you too, Carter.”
I bury my hand in her hair and tip her head up. She sighs when my lips come crashing down on hers and she kisses me back with the same desperation I’m feeling. I pour everything I can’t say into our kiss. I’m sorry my sister keeps verbally abusing you. I’m sorry my mother isn’t treating you the same anymore. I’m sorry I can’t stand up for you more. I’m sorry I can’t protect you better.
It isn’t enough. “I love you,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
Emilia rests her head against my chest and nods. “I know, babe. I love you too,” she murmurs, but I shake my head and thread my hands through her hair.
“No, you don’t know. Emilia, you’re my whole world. You’re my rock. I couldn’t do any of this without you, and I just wish I could make things easier for you. You’re everything to me. Words will never be able to describe how grateful I am for everything you do for me and my family.”
Emilia’s smile drops, and she looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “You don’t blame me?”
I cup her face and shake my head. “Hell no. None of this is your fault, Emilia. Don’t ever think that. You’ve done everything you could. Kate is just looking for someone to blame and you’ve become her scapegoat. And Mom… I think Mom is just looking for answers. She’s convinced she must’ve gone wrong somewhere with Kate, and I think Kate’s words are getting to her. She’s starting to think that treating you the same as Kate has caused this, but that’s bullshit. If you hadn’t been there, the same thing would’ve happened. Kate would’ve just chosen me to blame instead.”
She doesn’t look convinced and turns away from me. I wish I could just get into bed with her and spoon her. I want to hold her until every single one of our worries melts away. We haven’t had a moment of privacy since we took Kate home from the hospital.
I hug Emilia from behind and rest my chin on top of her head. “We’re at least a little to blame, Carter,” she whispers. “We weren’t there for her. We didn’t notice that she needed us. We might have actually pushed her away a little in our efforts to hide our relationship.”
I turn her around to face me, my heart shattering when I see her face covered in tears. I wipe them away as best as I can and press a kiss to her forehead. “Baby, even if we did do all of that, we still aren’t to blame. You aren’t to blame. You can’t let her get to you like that. Kate isn’t a child. You aren’t even remotely responsible for her. I feel guilty as hell too, and I agree we could’ve done better. But that doesn’t mean either you or I are responsible. You hear me, Minx?”
She nods and wraps her arms around me. I hold her tightly as soft sobs tear through her. I close my eyes and hold my girl until her body stops shaking, all the while wishing I could do more.
Chapter 48
Emilia
I open Asher’s bedroom door quietly. Kate is in bed when I walk in, her back to me. I approach her and sit down at the edge of the bed; the mattress dipping under my weight. Kate turns to face me, her eyes flashing with annoyance when she realizes it’s me and not Helen.
“What are you doing here?”
I sigh and hand her a glass of fresh juice. When she won’t take it from me, I place it down on the nightstand instead. “I just wanted to check how you’re doing.”
Kate rolls her eyes. “I bet you’re disappointed to see that I’m doing just fine.”
I shake my head and look away. “Why would you think that, Kate? I’ve always loved you. I’ve always seen you as a sister. I only want what’s best for you.”
