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“I always wanted to study overseas, you know? But instead I applied to USC, because that’s where Carter and you were going. I worked my ass off to get here, and all the while you’d been wishing I wouldn’t be here with you. I wish I’d known.”
I fall silent and try my best to keep my tears at bay. I don’t want to cry again. I’m done with everything.
“Boohoo, poor Emilia,” Kate says. “Poor Emilia, who has no real family and felt the need to leech off mine. What am I supposed to do with this speech of yours? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Newsflash, Emilia. The one that’s hurting is me. The one that’s sick is me. Nothing about this situation is about you, but I’m not at all surprised you found a way to make it about you.”
I close my eyes and inhale deeply. “You’re right,” I whisper. “You’re right about everything, Kate. I’ve been beyond selfish, and I apologize for leeching off your family. I apologize for intruding and overstepping. You win, okay?”
She looks at me with raised brows, and I shake my head sadly. “I’m leaving, Kate. You won’t ever have to see me again. Your mother is right too. You won’t get better as long as I’m here. You’ll keep blaming me and you’ll keep victimizing yourself. I’m done, Kate. I’m done being your scapegoat. Maybe you’re right, and maybe I am to blame. Maybe I did do this to you. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll leave. I’ll give you what you need. It’s the least I can do in return for everything you and your family have given me over the years. I don’t want to be the one that wrecks your happiness. I don’t want to be the reason your family falls apart.”
I laugh even though my heart is breaking. I can barely even see through the tears that are blurring my vision.
“Besides, you’re right. Carter can do a lot better than me. He’s destined for greatness, and I’m just a small-town girl from a broken family that he’s grown attached to because I’ve always been there. You said it won’t take him long to realize it, and he’d eventually leave me. I can see now that he and I could never work out. He might think he loves me, but we’ll never recover from everything we’ve been through. I’ll always be the girl that destroyed his family’s happiness. I’ll always be the girl his sister can’t stand, the one his mother can’t look at without being guilt wrecked. We don’t stand a chance.”
I bite down on my lip harshly as tear after tear escapes my eyes and Kate looks at me with wide eyes. “You’re actually leaving?” she asks, a hint of concern in her voice. I nod and take a step away from her.
“I’m transferring to a university overseas. I’ll have to start all over again, but they’re letting me start next month. Like I said, you won’t ever have to see me again. You and your family will be free of me. You’ll be able to focus on your health and your own happiness from now on. I won’t stand in your way ever again. I won’t ever reach for something that isn’t mine. You win.”
Kate and I both jump when a loud thump sounds through the room. I turn around to find Carter standing behind me, his gym bag on the floor.
“What did you just say?” he murmurs, his eyes wide and his voice barely above a whisper.
Chapter 51
Carter
“Don’t do this to me, Minx. Please, I’m begging you.”
I drop to my knees, barely able to keep my tears at bay. I don’t think I’ve ever cried in Emilia’s presence, but my heart feels fucking destroyed.
“Tell me you aren’t leaving.”
Emilia looks away and pulls her suitcase from underneath our bed. I rise to my feet and watch in disbelief as she starts to pack. I’ve been trying to convince her for days not to do this. I’ve begged my parents and Kate to help me change her mind, but I’m fighting a losing battle.
“No,” I shout helplessly, startling her. Without thinking, I grab every item she’s packed and throw it all on the floor. I grab Emilia’s wrist and pull her toward me, turning us both around until I’ve got her pressed against the wall.
“Tell me this is some sort of joke. Some sort of scheme. A plan to force Kate to get better.”
Emilia gulps as tears escape her eyes. “It’s not,” she whispers. I lower my lips to hers and kiss her roughly, hoping that shutting her up might change the inevitable. She kisses me back, and I lift her into my arms. She closes her legs around me, and I pull back to look into her eyes.
“Don’t leave me.”.
Emilia tightens her grip around me. “I have to, Carter. I can’t stay where I’m not wanted. I can’t stay when I’m causing so much pain.”
I shake my head as a tear drops down my cheek. “No,” I whisper. “We’ll get through this. Kate will get better. Things will return to what they used to be.”
Emilia smiles sadly and cups my face. “They won’t, babe. Kate is never going to forgive me, and she’s never going to want me around. As long as I’m here, she’ll use me as an excuse not to get better. I’m tired of taking the blame for everything, Carter. I love her, but I can’t do this anymore. Once I’m gone, she’ll be out of excuses. She’ll be forced to face her problems.”
I know what she’s saying is true. I know, deep down, that things will never be the same again between Emilia and my family. I know she isn’t to blame at all, but somehow everyone is holding her at least partly responsible because they’re unable to face their own failures.
“But what about me? What about us? You said you’d marry me someday, Emilia. Fuck it all. If you want, we can just move out of here for the time being. Hell, I can ask Mom and Dad to take Kate home. She’s barely attending classes, anyway.”
Emilia threads her hands through my hair and looks into my eyes. “You know the hospitals at home aren’t as good. They aren’t equipped to deal with Kate’s problem, and the rumors would be endless. Besides, this isn’t a temporary issue, Carter. You know that as well as I do.”
I drop my forehead against hers and inhale deeply. “It’s got nothing to do with us, Emilia. We’re perfect together. I know you love me as much as I love you, so don’t do this.”
“Carter,” she whispers. “I can’t stay. As long as you and I are together, Kate will use me as an excuse. She’ll use our relationship as ammunition. She’s wanted me out of her life for longer than either you or I could even imagine. Your mother asked me to leave too, remember? She’ll always see me as the reason Kate resorted to drugs. She’ll always think of me as the reason she let it happen — the reason she neglected Kate. And Kate herself… she’s made it quite clear how she feels about us, about me. Your dad might not have said much, but his silence speaks volumes. If he didn’t agree he would’ve defended me against Kate’s repeated attacks.”
I can’t deny what she’s saying, because I know it’s true. “I can’t lose you, Emilia. You mean the world to me. You’re everything to me.”
