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Emilia looks at me wide-eyed, and I chuckle. She’s easily scandalised these days, huh?
She crosses her arms over each other and pins me down with a pointed stare. “Anyway,” she says, “I’m here to discuss what I can help you with, as agreed.”
I nod and push a stack of documents her way. I wonder if she still remembers what I told her all those years ago when I first told her about the business ideas I had — that I’d build a huge company, and she’d be my in-house council. The time I get to share with her might very well be short, but part of me is still excited to be living the dream I had years ago.
Chapter 15
Emilia
I close my dad’s bedroom door quietly. He hates it when I put him to bed, so I’ve resorted to sneaking into his room after he’s fallen asleep. I’ve gotten into an entire routine. I’ll wait for him to announce that he’s going to bed, then I’ll shower and change into my jammies, and by the time I’m done, he’s usually fast asleep. I just can’t go to bed without seeing him asleep peacefully. I worry too much that he’s up thinking about his future, or that he might be suffering by himself. So far, he’s done great, but I’m worried that he might just be pretending to be strong for me.
I sigh as I walk into the kitchen, wanting a glass of water. I’m absentminded as I reach for a glass and fill it up. I’ve already been here for three weeks, but I still don’t have the results of my blood tests back.
“Interesting choice of pajamas.”
I jump at the sound of Carter’s voice and nearly drop my glass. I turn around, my hand pressed to my chest. He’s standing by the door, a whisky glass in hand, his chest bare. My eyes roam over his body. Looks like he isn’t wearing much more than shorts that hang low on his hips. It’s unfair that he still looks this good. Where does he even find the time to keep in such good shape?
“Carter,” I whisper. I belatedly look down at what I’m wearing and blush fiercely. I’m wearing the t-shirt I found in my closet. The one I stole from him years ago. Carter walks up to me, and my heart starts to race. His eyes roam over my body and linger on my bare legs. His t-shirt is long enough to cover me up to mid-thigh. It’s almost like a dress to me, but I really should’ve worn more than panties underneath.
“Can’t sleep?” he asks, and I shake my head. He pauses in front of me and touches the edge of my sleeve, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Where did you even find this?” he whispers, and I look up at him with wide eyes.
I panic. “It’s Sam’s. I’m wearing it because I miss him,” I say, lying to his face. Carter’s expression is steady and he nods. I’m not sure why I expected to find at least a little bit of jealousy or anger. I guess it’s because that’s what I felt when I saw him with Layla. It was obvious that she’s the one that pulled his tie off. He might have said that nothing happened, but he obviously let her touch him. I was burning with jealousy when I walked into his office, yet he stands here in front of me, unaffected, even though I told him I’m wearing Sam’s tee.
Carter takes another step closer, and I take a step back, my hips hitting the kitchen counter. “The man has good taste,” he murmurs. “How could he not, when it’s you he fell for?”
Carter raises his hand and gently brushes my hair out of my face. I can’t breathe when he’s this close to me. I can’t get my eyes to behave. I keep catching myself staring at his chest and his abs, and a depraved part of me can’t help but wonder if he’ll still feel the same under my touch. Will I still be able to make him shiver if I run my fingers over his abs, straying precariously close to where he always wanted me touching him? I bite down on my lip as hard as I can and tear my gaze away. Nothing good will come from wondering about things I can never ever have again.
Carter raises his glass and hands it to me. I take it from him carefully and take a sip, the liquor burning through my throat. I resist the urge to cough and take another sip. A drink is exactly what I needed.
Carter looks at me, his eyes heated, and I pray that he won’t realize that my body still responds to his proximity the way it always has. I’m hyperaware of him. Carter has always been in my very veins, even when I don’t want him to be. I thought time might have changed things, but it hasn’t. The second I laid eyes on him every feeling I thought I buried came rushing back.
“What’s Sam’s full name?”
I blink, surprised at the question. “It’s Samuel Michael Holden.”
“Hmm,” Carter says, the edges of his fingertips brushing over my chest. “Then why is it my initials that are embroidered on this t-shirt?”
I look down with wide eyes. How could I have forgotten about that? It’s tiny, but right over my left breast there is indeed a small little monogram, a relic from Helen’s embroidery phase. I blink, my cheeks bright red. Thank god it’s late at night and the lights are dimmed.
Carter moves closer to me and I inhale sharply. He’s far too close. Just one single step, and his body would be pressed against mine. I should move away, but I’m frozen. It’s been years since he and I have been this close, and try as I might, I can’t make myself push him away.
“I have newer t-shirts, you know,” he whispers. “I’m surprised you haven’t sneaked into my bedroom yet. There’s so much shit for you to steal. I have a whole collection of hoodies that you can borrow, and so many t-shirts that you’ll never run out of pajamas, though I much prefer you without them anyway. But if you must wear them, then I guess I like you best in my tees. But then again, I haven’t seen you in one of my dress shirts yet. I can just imagine it… I think I might just like that better.”
I’m breathing hard and my eyes fall closed just as he presses a soft kiss to my shoulder. I try my best to harden my heart and step away from him. I can’t even bare to look at him. “Please,” I whisper. “Don’t do this, Carter. I’m in a relationship. I love Sam. I want to be with him. Don’t do this. Let’s not go down memory lane.”
He looks up at me, anger flashing through his eyes. “You love him?” he whispers, and I nod. Carter smiles at me, but there isn’t a trace of humor in his expression. “Does he make you laugh? Does he know how to make you sigh, how to make you moan, how to make you scream his name? Does he bring out your devious side? Does he make you lower that damn shield you’ve put up?”
Carter takes a step away from me and shakes his head. “You don’t love him, Emilia. You want to love him, but you don’t. He doesn’t own you the way I did, and you know it.”
Carter walks away and I stare after him, terrified that he might be right.
Chapter 16
Carter
“What’s wrong with you?” Asher asks.
I glance up from my screen to look at him, a frown on my face. “What?”
