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Sam laughs, and the sound sends chills down my spine. “If he hasn’t yet, then he will. And once he does, you’ll give in, won’t you? Your heart is already there. I spent years fighting to win you over, but just a few months with Carter and you’re bloody lovestruck. I see it in your eyes. In the way you move. The way you smile at him.”
Sam works his hand deeper into my hair and pulls on it, yanking my head closer to his. His lips come crashing down on mine, and he kisses me harshly, forcibly. I try to protest, but every sound I make is smothered. I bite down on his lip as hard as I can and push him away, breathing hard.
“What the hell is going on with you?” I shout, my eyes filling with tears. I inhale shakily and wrap my arms around myself.
Sam inhales deeply and closes his eyes. “I can’t do this, Emilia. I’ve given you the best years of my life. I pursued you for six years. It took six years for you to even consider going on a single date with me. I’ve done everything I could to make you happy. I’ve given you my all for years, and here we are. Just a few months here with Carter, and you…”
I inhale deeply and look away, my feelings conflicted. “I never asked you to spend years pursuing me,” I whisper. “If anything, I made it very clear that I wasn’t ready to date. That I might never be.”
Sam nods. “I know. I know, but I was so sure we were perfect for each other… and for a while, we were. For a while, we were happy. But not the way you are here. Despite everything going on, you radiate happiness when you’re around Carter. The way you smile at him, the way you laugh with him… Emilia, you’ve never once even looked at me that way, and you know it. And that playful side of you? It didn’t exist around me. It hurts to see who you are with him. I didn’t think you could get even more beautiful, or even more perfect… but you do, for him. Only for him.”
I look away guiltily. I’ve done my best to stay away from Carter lately, to be as respectful to Sam as I possibly could be, but I can’t help but be happy when Carter is around. I can’t control my feelings.
Sam walks up to me and brushes the tip of his fingers over my cheek. “I can’t be here, Emilia. I want to be there for you throughout this all, but I don’t think I can. I can’t be here and watch you distance yourself more and more every day. I can’t stay and watch our relationship crumble into dust, right before my eyes.”
I nod. The fact that I feel relieved makes me feel even worse. I should want my own boyfriend with me through times as tough as these, but I don’t.
“I think we need a break, Emilia.”
My heart stills and I look down at my feet. Sam has been my constant for years now. He was always the friend I could count on, the guy that I could depend on. I managed to convince myself that I could be with him, that I was happy… but being back here puts it all back into focus. I decided to date him because it was easy, and it was safe. My heart was never fully in it, no matter how hard I tried. Being with him meant I wouldn’t get hurt again, and I could convince myself that I was okay, that I was moving on with my life.
“Sam, I think we should break up.”
It should hurt to say those words, but it doesn’t. If anything, it feels like a relief to set both of us free.
Sam looks at me, and the expression on his face breaks my heart. I expected to find disbelief and pain in his eyes, but instead I’m faced with reluctant acceptance.
“I’m changing my flight,” he tells me. “If I can, I’ll fly out tonight. Otherwise, I’d like to go tomorrow.”
I nod, and a single tear rolls down my cheek. This is the man I so desperately wanted to make it work with. I tried so hard, but you can’t force love into existence.
“You and I could have had it all, Emilia. We were perfect together. You can’t see it now, but you’re throwing away your chance at happiness. You’re a fool if you think you can be with Carter. Didn’t you notice Carter’s sister left dinner halfway through because you were there? How long do you think you and he will last with his family standing between you like that? The novelty of being together is going to wear off soon enough, and you’ll be left facing the fucked-up mess that your life together would be. You’ll flee to London all over again, begging me to take you back. And I? I’ll have moved on.”
Chapter 38
Emilia
I stare at the sun streaming through the kitchen window in surprise. How long have I been sitting here? I didn’t even realize the sun had risen already.
I bite down on my lip and try to pull myself together, but I’m feeling out of it. Sam took the next available flight back home, and I drove him to the airport knowing I’d probably never see him again. How did we go from wanting to move in together to parting ways?
It feels surreal, but I don’t feel the way I did when Carter and I broke up. I feel like I might be in shock, but I’m not heartbroken. Shouldn’t I be? Sam and I might have only dated for a year or so, but we’ve known each other for years. I haven’t just lost him as my boyfriend, but as my friend too. I should be mourning the loss of that relationship, but instead I’m just… numb.
“Emilia?”
I tense when I hear Carter’s voice. He’s standing in the doorway in his swim shorts, and I blink distractedly.
“Carter,” I whisper.
He frowns and walks towards me, a frown on his face. He looks worried, and I can’t help but wonder what I must look like, sitting here in the same clothes I wore last night.
Carter grabs my coffee cup and raises his brows when he realizes that my coffee is cold. I can’t even remember when I made that.
“How long have you been sitting here?”
I blink and shake my head. “Not long,” I whisper.
Carter takes a step closer to me and places his hands on my shoulders. His hands feel warm on my skin, and his eyes widen when he realizes how cold my body is. “Minx, you’re freezing,” he murmurs. He moves his hands over my arms, rubbing them in an effort to warm me up.
