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I look up into his eyes, my heart stirring. I’ve been so focused on keeping a barrier between us, that it’s like I haven’t really seen him in forever. The only time I caved was when I burst into tears in the treehouse yesterday. Strangely enough, I’ve missed those stunning hazel eyes of his. Even after all these years, I want to be the only one he sees. The idea of him with Layla hurts more than breaking up with Sam does, and that should’ve told me the truth about my feelings. I should’ve realized sooner that what I felt for Sam was a sense of duty and gratefulness for the time we spent together, the time he spent on me. It was never love. It wasn’t anything like what I still feel for Carter.
“Carter,” I whisper, and he raises his brow in question. “Sam left. I drove him to the airport last night. We… we broke up.”
He stares at me in shock, his hands stiffening on my shoulders. “You what?”
I look away and rise to my feet, taking a step away from him. “We broke up,” I repeat. “He got on the first available flight.”
He looks at me like he can’t comprehend what I’m saying. I see concern flash through his eyes, but there’s also relief.
“Are you okay?” he asks, sounding worried.
I nod. I’m a bit too okay, I think. I should be in tears and I should be hurting, but I’m fine. “I’m all right. I’ll be fine. It’s just strange, that’s all.”
Carter hesitates as though he doesn’t know what to say, and then he nods. He grabs my coffee cup and empties it, making me a fresh cup instead. I lean back and watch him. He looks amazing in the sunlight that’s streaming through the window, his upper body on display. Would it be easier to remain in control of the way he makes me feel if he’d gotten fat and obnoxious? Somehow, I doubt it would. I doubt his heart will ever change.
I take the coffee cup from him and stare at it, lost in thought. “Why do you still have this?” I ask, my voice so soft that he almost misses the words.
Carter glances at the cup and bites down on his lip. “Because it’s a memory I could never let go of. Having that cup made, showing you the writing inside it… whenever I see this, those memories come with it, and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.”
My heart skips a beat. If I’m honest with myself, that’s probably the very same reason I’ve been using this cup, when there are so many others to choose from. It’s a reminder of better times.
Carter freezes and looks towards the doorway, and I follow his gaze to find Dad standing there in his pajamas, a long robe keeping him warm. Dad is usually never up this early, and I can’t help but worry. Is he not feeling well?
“Daddy,” I murmur, trying my best to smile at him.
He walks into the kitchen, a conflicted expression on his face. “So, he left, huh? Did you guys argue?”
I glance at Carter, and he smiles at me before slipping out quietly, probably wanting to give me some privacy. I nod at Dad. “Yes, I guess so.”
Dad sits down next to me and sighs. “I’m sorry, Princess. How are you feeling?”
I look at Dad and think back to what Sam told me. While Dad hasn’t been pushing me towards Carter in any obvious ways, I do wonder if he might have been doing it subconsciously. Or maybe even very consciously. I always did think it was strange that he’d move in with Carter — and that he’d ask it of me too.
“Did you even like him, Dad?”
He looks startled, as though he didn’t expect the question, and smiles tightly. “He’s a nice man, Emilia. It was clear that he adored you, and he really seemed to have his life together. He had a good career plan, and he’d be able to provide you with a good life.”
I look at him through narrowed eyes. “That doesn’t answer my question, Dad.”
He smiles at me and shakes his head bashfully. “I’m not sure, Emilia. Sam is very nice and I like him as a person, but you didn’t look all that happy with him. He enabled you to just let life pass you by, while still ticking off all the things you thought you needed to do to be happy. You know, like dating and moving in with someone, and maybe even getting married someday. You looked very content with him, but you didn’t look happy.”
I frown and look away. I want to refute his words, but I can’t. Was it obvious to everyone but me? In the end even Sam seemed to realize that I wasn’t quite myself with him, so how did I not realize it?
Dad ruffles my hair and smiles at me. “No matter,” he says. “Life goes on, Princess. I’m sure you’ll find your happiness. I don’t want you to settle, Emilia. You deserve the world.”
I nod and wipe away a tear that I hadn’t even realized had fallen down my cheek. I drop my head to my dad’s shoulder, feeling lost. It feels like everything in my life has changed and I’m struggling to keep up.
Chapter 39
Carter
I’m a coward and I know it. I sigh as I walk into my parents’ house. I worked late today just to try and keep my mind off Emilia, but it hasn’t helped. All day the only thing on my mind has been that she’s finally single again.
I can’t even go home because I can’t be sure that I’ll be able to stay away from her. I’ll want to have a drink with her, she’ll smile at me, and I’ll want to get down on my knees and beg her to give us another chance. I can’t be around her right now.
Kate looks up in surprise when I walk into the living room, and just seeing her guts me. Lately it’s been getting easier to forget how much stands between Emilia and me. Having her in my house and around the office has made it easy to deceive myself — to forget how much pain she’s already been through, just for being with me. I could never ask that of her again.
“Carter, what are you doing here?” Kate asks, and I try my best to smile at her. I feel horrible for the way I feel around her. I don’t want to resent my own sister, but part of me does. Part of me will probably never be able to forgive her.
