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Carter looks at me in disbelief, and then he grins. “Knowing that we’re still each other’s one and only, even for something so small… I fucking love it.”
He pulls my lips back to his, and I lose myself in him. “I’ve missed this,” he whispers. “God, I’ve dreamt about these lips of yours every single night.”
Carter pulls back to look at me, his hands roaming over my body impatiently. He looks at me as though he can’t quite believe that I’m really here, and I feel exactly the same. I don’t want to overthink this, I just want to be in this moment with him.
My hands slide from his hair to his shoulders, and I pull him closer, my movements urgent and eager. “Carter,” I whisper, my heart filled with longing.
He drops his forehead to mine and inhales deeply. “Let’s go back to bed, Minx.”
I laugh and throw my arms around his neck. Carter lifts me into his arms and I rest my head against his shoulder, feeling intensely happy.
Carter carries me to the stairs and I run my hand over his chest, a smile on my face. We both freeze when the doorbell rings. Carter looks at me and frowns as he puts me down carefully.
“We weren’t expecting anyone, were we?” He asks me, and I shake my head. He sighs and looks irritated as he walks to the front door. I lean back against the wall, my eyes following him.
Carter stiffens when he opens the door and I frown. My heart sinks when Helen comes into view, Kate in tow. Her eyes find mine, and she looks shocked. I glance down and belatedly realise that my robe is undone, and she can see that I’m wearing Carter’s shirt.
I clutch my robe tightly and wrap it around me, but I’m obviously not quick enough, because Kate stares at me, the edges of her lips tipped up in amusement. She glances at Carter and grins before looking down at her feet.
“Good morning, Emilia,” Helen says.
I smile tightly and glance at the stairs, wondering whether I should just make a run for it. Carter looks tense, and he looks worried. I might not want to spend any time with either Helen or Kate, but I do want to spend time with Carter, and I don’t want him worrying about me.
“Good morning,” I murmur, trying my best to smile at her.
Helen looks relieved, and her smile widens. She holds up a grocery bag excitedly, and my heart aches. When is the last time she smiled at me that way? Most of my memories are tinged with heartache. The last couple of months I spent here overshadow the years of good memories we have.
“I thought I might make some pancakes,” she says carefully, and I can’t help but wonder if she chose to make that because they’re my favorite.
I glance at Carter to find him staring up at me nervously, as though he thinks I might run. He looks even more hurt than I feel, and I smile at him before turning back to Helen. I nod at her and walk into the kitchen. “Pancakes sound nice,” I say, even though I really want to go back to my room.
Chapter 44
Emilia
Carter looks anxious as he follows me into the kitchen and I smile to myself. A couple of minutes of being polite to Helen and Kate is pretty much nothing if that’s what it takes to make him smile. He’s been amazing since I got here, and I’ve yet to pay him back for all he does.
He walks up to me, his eyes roaming over my body. I place my hand on his chest and lean back against the counter. “Shouldn’t you get dressed?” I ask. He blinks and looks down, as though he’s only just realizing that he’s wearing far less than I am.
He looks into my eyes as though he’s searching for something. “Will you be okay?” He asks. My smile falters and I nod. I hate that Carter thinks that I still need protection. I’m embarrassed of the person I used to be, of the girl that couldn’t stand up for herself.
Carter nods and walks away, leaving me in the kitchen with Helen and Kate. I turn around and sigh. Maybe I should have gone up to my room instead. I lean back as I look at the two of them, my arms crossed over each other.
Both of them look older, and I can’t help but wonder what the last couple of years have been like for them. Were they happy while I tried my best to get through every single day, feeling broken and incomplete? Did the pieces I gave up of myself make Kate whole again? Was it all worth it in the end?
I want to be better than this, but I’m filled with resentment. Being back here made me realize just how much I’ve been missing out on in life. I forgot it was even possible for me to be this happy. I forgot what being with Carter was like. I forgot what it was like to be myself — fully, truly. Can I even go back from here? Can I go back to a life that felt bleak in contrast?
I watch the mother-daughter duo, my heart aching. Is it possible to both love and hate someone at the same time? They’ve both broken my heart in different ways, yet standing here with them soothes my soul. It reminds me of some of the most precious moments in my life.
Kate carefully spreads Nutella over a pancake before sprinkling some coarse sugar over it. She rolls it up carefully and then pushes the plate my way, her hands trembling. I look up at her in surprise and blink in disbelief. I can’t believe that she still remembers that this is my favorite.
“Did you poison it somehow?” I ask, unable to help myself. Kate looks stricken, but I don’t have it in me to feel bad. I wouldn’t actually put it past her to do just that.
“I… No… Do you — do you want me to try this first?”
I look at her through narrowed eyes. She looks so meek, so innocent. Since it’s Kate, I can’t tell if it’s all just an act or not. I never could.
Helen looks shocked, and I wonder if she’ll try to defend Kate or criticize me. Much to my surprise, she does neither. She pulls my plate towards her and smiles nervously. “This looks nice,” she says, and she takes a bite, startling me.
