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I sigh and nod. “Me too,” I murmur without thinking.
John grins and crosses his arms over each other. “So, what’s going on between you two?”
I shake my head and look down, unable to look him in the eye. This crazy old man would probably gut me if he knew what I did to his daughter just a few nights ago. “Nothing.”
He smiles conspiratorially and I tense. “I’m not blind, son. I was your age once, you know? You’re lucky that I like you, because the way you look at my daughter sometimes can only be described as indecent.”
My eyes widen and I suppress a smile. “Indecent, huh?” I repeat, shaking my head. I thought I’d been quite sly, but I guess not. Then again, I’ve never been able to hide my feelings for Emilia.
“So, what’s going on? You two dating?”
I run a hand through my hair and look at him, feeling oddly nervous. “Would you be okay with that? She just came out of a relationship, and she’s said multiple times that she has no intention of staying here.”
John grabs his tea cup and sits down on the chair by the kitchen counter, his expression troubled. “I know my little girl, and I haven’t seen her look truly happy in years — not until she came back home. She belongs here, and she’s happy here. She’s just stuck in the past because she’s been running away from it for so long. I thought all she needed was a bit of time. I never expected her to stay in London. She’s been running from the pain for so long that she’s never had a chance to overcome it.”
I sigh and shake my head. “I don’t know, John. You should see her when she’s around Mom and Kate. I don’t want that for her. Surely you don’t either?”
John nods in understanding. “I don’t ever want to see my daughter in pain, and it took me years to forgive your mother. But Carter, I know Helen and Kate love her. I can see the regret in Kate’s eyes, and the guilt she lives with. Everyone involved has been hurting for too long. Enough is enough.”
He pauses and then looks up at me. “You too, Carter. It’s always been obvious to me that you love my daughter. I knew before you even did. I’ve also always known that she loves you just as much, and she still does. Even now she’s happy when she’s with you. I can see it in her eyes, in her smile. And you? I’ve seen you throughout the years. I know you never got over her. How about you two stop being knuckleheads and just choose happiness? It’s right there, Carter.”
I smile sadly and inhale deeply. Has he known all along? Is that why he’s kept an eye on me throughout the years? “It’s not that simple. She won’t forgive Mom and Kate. You weren’t there to see her fall apart. I’m grateful you didn’t have to see that, but you wouldn’t be saying any of this if you did.”
John takes a sip of his tea and smiles. “Do you think I’d ever forgive either your mother or sister if I thought they didn’t deserve it? My daughter means the world to me, and I’d keep her far away from you and your family if I, for even a single second, thought she’d be mistreated. You’d be stupid to let her go again, Carter. You’re many things, but you’re not stupid.”
I’m surprised that he seems to want us together, and it revives the hope I struggle to hold on to. Could she and I really make it?
“Do you love her, son?”
I look into his eyes and nod. “More than life itself.”
John nods in satisfaction and smiles. “Then don’t let her get away this time. I promise you, she’ll forgive your mother and sister. I know my daughter. I know her heart,” he says. “And I’d like to think that I know both your mother and sister quite well too. They love her, and if Emilia didn’t still love them too, she wouldn’t be acting the way she is. She needs time to heal, but she’ll get there.”
I want to hope so, but hope is in short supply for me these days. “Maybe she will. Maybe she won’t. It needs to be up to her. I can’t just assume she will, and I need to be okay with it if she doesn’t. I’ll respect her choices either way.”
“But will you? Will you be okay with it if she leaves? I don’t want to see either of you unhappy, Carter. Life is fragile. Trust me, I’ve learned that the hard way.”
He sighs and shakes his head. “You know, I always knew you’d be the one that’d take my daughter away from me. It’s why I was so upset when you two finally started dating. I was never worried about any other boys, but you? I knew you’d be the one for her. I knew you’d be the only man she’d love more than she loves me. And she still does, Carter. She still loves you. So don’t fear the future.”
John smiles at me reassuringly as he rises from his seat. I’m lost in thought as he puts his cup in the sink and walks away.
His words echo in my head for the rest of the day, and I can’t figure out what the right thing to do is. I want her, but more than that, I want her to be happy. If I can’t be the one to make her happy, then I need to take a step back. I can’t set us on a path to destruction again. I can’t be the reason she cries herself to sleep ever again.
Chapter 46
Emilia
I feel conflicted. Is it possible for your heart to feel broken, but to feel more alive than you have in years? That's how I feel. Waking up with Carter a few days ago was everything I've been dreaming of for the last couple of years. Being with him again was surreal – it was like we were never apart. The way he makes me feel and the way he touched me... It was perfection.
Just when the smallest amount of hope bloomed in my heart, Helen and Kate walked in. I saw the hope in Carter's eyes, and I didn't have the heart to walk away when I knew he wanted me to stay. It was only breakfast, but I hated every second I spent with them.
Dad tightens his grip on my hand and I turn to look at him. “What’s wrong, Princess?” He asks.
I smile and shake my head. “Nothing, daddy,” I tell him. I take a good look at dad and sigh. Every day he seems to get thinner, even though he’s getting the best care he could possibly have. I’m worried. I know he’s staying strong for me, but every day his dialysis sucks a little bit more life out of him. My dad has always been strong and in control of everything. He’s always been powerful, especially in his career. I worry that it’s affecting him too much mentally to be at the mercy of his illness.
Dad wraps his arm over mine and shakes his head. “You’re being quiet,” he says. I feel my cheeks heat a little and look away. All I’ve been able to think about lately is Carter. It’s been a few days since we slept together, and I keep telling myself that we can’t do it again, but it’s so hard to stay away. The only way I can resist him is if I physically stay away. Carter hasn’t said anything, and he’s been giving me space, but there’s no escaping what’s between us.
“It’s nothing, daddy.”
