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Carter kisses me as though he’s scared I might disappear again, and I hold him a little tighter. He lifts me onto his desk and steps between my legs, and I close them around him. He drops his forehead to mine and inhales shakily.
“I’m sorry, Emilia. I’m sorry for keeping secrets, for hurting you.”
I nod and try my best to smile up at him. “Carter, we’ve spent years missing each other. I know you didn’t intend to hurt me. I know that. Just promise me you won’t ever do this again, please? No secrets. Not between us.”
He nods and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I promise, Emilia.”
I thread my hand through his hair and pull him closer, my lips finding his. This man… he owns my entire heart. But is love enough? I can’t help but feel like our happiness won’t be permanent. Every time we find our way back to each other, life tears us apart.
Chapter 56
Emilia
I walk into the kitchen early in the morning and lean back against the doorway to watch Carter. He’s making breakfast, and he keeps rearranging the tray on the counter, over and over again. I have no doubt that he intended to bring that to me in bed.
I agreed to move back here after I found that stack of cancelled tickets in his office. It reminded me of how much time we’ve already lost. I can’t do this to him. To us. I can’t stay away when my heart reaches for him with every beat.
Part of me feels betrayed, but part of me also understands. This was never about me. I wasn’t even here for years, and Carter and my dad have clearly developed a close bond. I know what Carter is like, and it shouldn’t have surprised me that he wouldn’t betray my father, that he’d do what he could to keep his secrets.
My eyes roam over him and I sigh. He’s wearing nothing but his pajama trousers, probably because I stole the matching top.
I walk into the kitchen, and Carter freezes, his eyes widening. I smile tightly and grab the coffee from the tray he prepared, the edges of my lips turning up. “This looks nice,” I murmur. Carter seems nervous and tense as I stand next to him, and I take a sip of my coffee, my eyes on him.
“I’m not mad at you anymore,” I murmur, rising to my tiptoes to kiss him. He looks at me, his gaze searching. If I had any remaining doubts about Carter’s feelings for me, then they’re all gone now. I might have been hurting over my dad and Carter’s actions, but he’s been hurting right along with me. I can tell that he’s scared to lose me again, that he’s sorry for hurting me. I don’t want him to feel this way. We’ve spent too long hurting.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, losing myself in him. He groans against my lips and pulls me closer, until my body is flush against his. I giggle and run my hands over his body, feeling perfectly content. Even when life hands me blow after blow, I can deal with it, so long as he’s here to hold me through it.
“I missed you,” he says, and I wrap my arms around his neck. Carter lifts me onto the kitchen counter and I spread my legs, closing them around him.
“I missed you too,” I murmur. He threads his hand through my hair and kisses me roughly. I feel him harden against my thighs and a low moan escapes my lips.
“Let’s go back to bed,” I whisper. We fell asleep together last night, but I need more of him.
Carter smiles at me and lifts me into his arms, a smirk on his face.
He freezes and puts me down when we hear footsteps approach us. I take a step away from Carter just as Dad walks into the kitchen, his eyes moving from me to Carter. “You two still fighting?” he asks, and we both shake our heads. “Good,” he says, nodding.
Dad sits down and Carter makes him some herbal tea as I sit down next to Dad. I wrap my arm around Dad and he drops his head to my shoulder. He’s constantly tired these days. He keeps battling headaches and muscle cramps, and it kills me. His entire life revolves around his dialysis, and I know how much he hates that. I need to find a way to give my father back his life.
“Dad,” I whisper. “I want to look into paired donation. If we can find someone else that needs a kidney donation, I can donate my kidney to them, while someone in their life donates one to you.”
Dad freezes and grits his teeth. He turns to look at me, and for just a few seconds, he’s the man I grew up with, instead of the old man he’s become. When he looks at me, I see the fearless prosecutor, the stern father, the man I’ve always idolized. He shakes his head and pins me down with a stare. “No. I’ve said no before, and I still mean it. I’d rather die than have you donate a kidney. I will not have you cutting your body open. I won’t have you lying on an operating table for me. It isn’t happening, Emilia. If I find out that you so much as try to go through with this, I’ll refuse the paired donation. I won’t have it.”
I inhale shakily, my eyes filling with tears. “But Daddy, I don’t want to lose you. Please, can’t you do this for me? Please.”
I burst into tears and Carter runs up to me. He wraps his arms around me, and I hide my face in his chest. “Tell him, Carter,” I beg. “Tell him to accept it. Please.”
Carter buries his hand in my hair and grips me tightly. “John,” he says, his voice pleading. “What if I do it? You won’t have to worry about Emilia. Paired donation is a great idea, and I should have thought of it myself. I’ll do it.”
Dad rises from his seat with so much force that his chair clatters to the floor. “No. I said no, Carter. My dignity is all I have left. I’ll take my own life before I let either of you take it from me.”
He walks away and slams the door closed behind him, and I start sobbing, my heart shattering. I’ve never felt this helpless before. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to save him if he won’t let me.
Chapter 57
Emilia
I walk into the kitchen early in the morning feeling exhausted. The last couple of days have just been filled with arguments and tension. Dad won’t see reason, and nothing I say changes his mind about a paired donation.
