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Carter nods, his fingers brushing over my hair. “Whatever you need, Minx,” he says, his eyes blazing with sincerity. I look into his eyes, and I see my entire future in them. The road ahead of us might not be easy, but it’s a road I want to walk with him. No one else will ever do.
Chapter 55
Emilia
I walk into Carter’s house and Dad looks disappointed when he sees that I don’t have my luggage with me. I smile at him and walk up to him to hug him. He presses a kiss to my hair and sighs. “When will you be ready to come home? It’s been over a week,” he says, and I smile as I pull away from him.
“I thought I was staying at home.”
Dad sighs and shakes his head. “You certainly inherited my stubbornness,” he says, shaking his head. “This is karma, I tell you.”
My smile wavers, and my heart twists painfully. It’s remarks like these that are the reason I never suspected anything. “Yes, Daddy,” I murmur. “I sure did.”
He looks at me as though he’s searching for something, and I put on a brave face for him. I don’t want him to know that finding out I’m not his real daughter hurts. He’s told me countless times that it changes nothing, yet I struggle to act like it is nothing.
“One of the nurses is going on holiday next week,” Dad says, pulling me along. I nod, vaguely remembering that. “Could you please call the agency to check if they’ve arranged a replacement? I believe Carter said he saves all the phone numbers and information in the top drawer of his desk in his home office. There’s an identification code or something on the paperwork that you’ll need to give them.”
I nod, and he smiles at me as I walk away. I hesitate before entering Carter’s home office. It’s a space I’ve never entered before, and I somehow feel like I’m intruding. I bite down on my lip as I walk to his desk, my eyes roaming over the space. It looks homely and well-used, unlike his office at work. I sit down in his chair and pull the top left drawer open. I frown when I find a large stack of almost identical documents, all tied together.
I pick the bundle up and swallow hard. They’re plane tickets and cancellation notices, all of them for flights to London. I flip through the documents, my heart breaking when I realize the very first one was a week after I left, and then one pretty much every month since then, the flights getting more and more expensive as the years go on. The most recent ones are a few months apart, the last one three months before I got here. I bite down on my lip in an effort to keep my emotions in check, but a tear drops down my cheek nonetheless.
“Minx.”
I look up to find Carter walking in, a concerned expression on his face. His gaze drops to the papers in my hands, and he freezes. The expression in his eyes tells me I wasn’t meant to see this, and I put the tickets down, my hands trembling.
Carter walks up to me, a hint of uncertainty and vulnerability in his eyes. I bite down on my lip, my heart aching. Carter sighs and brushes my hair out of my face gently. “Not a day has gone by that I didn’t think of you, that I didn’t want to chase after you.”
A tear drops down my cheek and Carter catches it with his thumb. I rise from my seat and throw my arms around him, my tears flowing freely. Carter holds me closely, his grip tight.
“Every day I’d wonder what I’d say to you when I finally saw you again. I’d imagine how I’d get you to give me another chance, I’d think about how to make you fall for me all over again, but then I’d remember. I’d remember how much pain you were in while you were with me. I’d remember how my family treated you, how you cried yourself to sleep every night. And I couldn’t do it, Emilia. I couldn’t go after you knowing being with me would mean living with so many painful memories, being confronted with a part of your life you chose to leave behind. I tried so hard to respect your wishes, but I always knew I’d cave the second I laid eyes on you again. And I did.”
I bury my face in his neck and hold onto him tightly. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never been so angry with someone, yet so certain that nothing he could ever do would make me walk away from him. This man, he’s always been my entire world. “I love you,” I whisper, looking up at him.
Carter sighs and takes a step closer. He drops his forehead to mine and wraps his arms around me. “I love you too, Emilia. So much. I’m sorry, baby. It’s not that I was trying to keep something from you, I didn’t even really see it like that. I just wanted to help your dad keep his secrets, to keep from hurting you.”
I nod and slip my arms around his neck. “I know, Carter. But that doesn’t make it okay.”
He nods, and I can’t help but smile a little. He looks so contrite, so pained. I know he’d never knowingly do something that might hurt me, and truthfully, I’m not even sure what I would’ve done if I were in his shoes.
I’ve spent so many years missing him. Now that I’m here, now that I’ve got him with me, I don’t want to miss out on another second. “I want all of you,” I whisper. “I want to fall asleep with you, but I also want to argue with you, mess with you, kiss you… Carter, I want it all with you. I’m so mad, but even so, I can’t stay away from you,” I murmur, my voice pained.
Carter tightens his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. “Baby, I want nothing more. I understand if you’re mad at me, just don’t leave me,” he says, his voice trembling. “Don’t ignore me the way you have. It fucking kills me when you’re right here with me, yet it feels like I’ve lost you all over again. Don’t do this to me, Emilia. Even if I deserve it, please don’t. I can’t take it.”
I rise to my tiptoes and press a kiss to his neck. Carter’s eyes fall closed and he buries his hand in my hair as I press another kiss to his skin. I didn’t even realize I made him feel this way. Carter lowers his head towards mine and I tilt my head to kiss him. He holds me as though I’m precious, as though I might slip out of his hands at any second, and my heart aches.
Carter pulls away and brushes my hair out of my face gently. I sigh and place my palms on his chest, wanting to be closer to him. I’ve missed him so much, it’s unreal. it’s only been a few days, so how am I ever going to get used to life without him?
“I’m sorry, Carter. I’m sorry for staying away for so long. I’m sorry I left in the first place. I’m sorry there’s so much we missed out on. There are so many years we’ll never get back.”
He buries his hand in my hair and tilts my head. “Emilia,” he murmurs. “I will always be grateful for what you did and for the sacrifices you made. You were right, in the end. When you left, Kate ceased to have someone to blame. She was forced to confront who she’d become and what her life had turned into.”
I nod and drop my head to his chest. If I’d stayed Carter and I wouldn’t have lasted. His family would have torn us apart. I knew that, but it didn’t make leaving any easier.
I look up at him and cup his cheek. “I’m back now,” I murmur. “I’m yours, all over again.”
Carter looks into my eyes, his expression vulnerable. “But you won’t stay.”
I inhale deeply and rise to my tiptoes, my lips finding his. I want to promise him that I will, but I can’t. My career is still in London, and even though I can act civil around Kate and Helen, I can’t pretend nothing ever happened.
