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She laughs, and I’m instantly relieved. Kate and I walk around hand in hand, swinging our arms like when we were kids. I can tell she’s gathering up the courage to tell me something, and I’m wondering if she’s going to warn me away from Carter. My heart sinks at the thought of her issuing me an ultimatum like that. I don’t know if I could even keep my word if she asked it of me. It’s getting harder and harder to resist Carter, to pretend like I don’t feel anything for him.
“There’s something I want to ask you,” she murmurs eventually. She sits down at a little bench along the road and looks up at me with an anxious expression. “Do you like Carter?”
I freeze. I’m not sure what led her to ask me this, and I’m not sure what to say to her. I’ve never kept anything from Kate, and it seems wrong not to tell her now.
“I — Carter… I — ” I can’t manage to get the words out and keep stammering. My heart is beating so loudly that it feels like it’s trying to claw its way out of my chest.
“You don’t, right? You wouldn’t do that to me, would you, Milly? Carter and you have always hated each other. That hasn’t changed right?” Kate says, her voice high pitched and borderline panicked. I swallow hard and stand in front of her, frozen and nervous as hell.
“I… no, I don’t hate him. Of course I don’t hate him,” I say.
Kate looks up at me pleadingly.
“I see you as my sister, Milly. I’ve always given you everything I could and I’ve always invited you to every family gathering we have, including our weekends at the cabin,” she says, waving her arms around and gesturing to the lake behind us. “I share my Mom with you and never complain when the two of you hang out together when you’re supposed to be my friend. My Dad offered to teach you how to drive despite it meaning that he’d have less time to teach me, and I didn’t complain. I never complain, Milly.”
I nod and look down at my shoes, racked with guilt. She’s right, she has always shared every single thing with me, and she’s never once complained.
“But not Carter, Emilia. You can’t ever go there with him unless you’re willing to walk away from our friendship. I won’t stand back and watch you two ruin everything. My Mom will never get over it if you two date and break up, or if you two even argue and you refuse to come over for dinner. I won’t let you hurt her like that. Our friendship wouldn’t be the same anymore either. I refuse to suffer through you two avoiding each other and fighting with each other, which you definitely would do if you ever dated. I don’t ever want to have to pick a side to be on, and with the way you two argue right now, I’d definitely end up having to choose.”
I shake my head and hold my hands up. “I’d never hurt you or Helen, you know that, Kate. I’d never do that.”
Kate shakes her head and laughs wryly. “You say that, but the way you two fought during this trip has hurt us all. Mom was worried when you two fought in the car and the entire hike was awkward as hell because you two wouldn’t speak to each other. Even Dad asked me what was going on between you and Carter, and if you’d be okay. We’d all have had a better time if you didn’t come with us at all, Emilia. Surely you see that that’s what things would be like if you and Carter ever dated? I’m dead serious, Milly. If you go there with Carter, our friendship is over. I won’t ever forgive you.”
I bite down on my lip as hard as I can to keep my emotions in check. I didn’t realize I was hurting everyone with my actions. I only meant to fight with Carter, but Kate is right, every fight we have does affect his family. Usually our fights aren’t very serious, so they’re easy to ignore, but it wouldn’t be the same if we dated. I can’t do that to the Clarkes. I’ll have to stay away from Carter.
“I understand, Kate,” I say, my voice shaking. My heart feels shattered and I feel like crying. Why does it feel like I just lost Carter forever? I already knew he and I could never be together, but it’s still painful as hell to know I’d stand to lose everything if I followed my heart.
Chapter 20
Emilia
I’m late. I couldn’t sleep last night and only ended up falling asleep three hours ago. I kept thinking about Carter and the things we did at the cabin, the way the weekend ended and how I wish things were different. Just thinking about the way he kissed me turns me on, and thinking about the look on his face when I told him to forget what happened tears me apart. Then there’s Kate and the things she said to me. I can’t even fault her for asking me what she did.
Carter is standing in front of his car and looks up when I walk out. His eyes roam over my hair and my outfit before he looks away. I wore an extra tight top and paired it with a tight skirt that makes my ass look amazing. I’m surprised when he doesn’t check me out.
Instead, he gets into the car, ignoring me. I’m startled and suddenly feel unsettled. He’s being weird. I open the passenger door and he shakes his head as I’m about to get in.
“Just sit in the back with Kate.”
He looks back at the steering wheel and starts the car.
“I thought you said you don’t like feeling like you’re our driver,” I say.
Carter huffs. “What’s the point in pretending like I’m not? That’s exactly what I am to you two, right? A driver. Would you be in my car every morning otherwise? Just get in the back, Emilia.”
I tense and look at Kate with wide eyes before getting in the back seat. She frowns and shakes her head — looks like she doesn’t know what’s up with him either. Carter drives us to school in silence.
“What’s going on?” Kate asks, her brows scrunched up. Carter tightens his grip on the steering wheel.
“This is what you wanted, isn’t it, Kate? You wanted Emilia and I to stop fighting. We have.”
Kate rolls her eyes. “Thank god, no more daily arguments about who gets to sit in the front. Can’t believe it took you this long to give in,” she mutters. Carter looks at her in the rear-view mirror and nods.
“Yep. Let’s just pretend it never happened,” he says.
I bite down on my lip and look out the window. I don’t like the way he’s behaving, but I can’t fault him for it either. He isn’t doing anything I can actually complain about. He’s just being... off.
He parks his car when we get to school and rushes off without us. Usually he’d walk us to class and ask about our plans for the day. Kate looks as startled as I do.
