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I've been hiding ever since I cast the dark magic spell to save Lucian and then woke up feelingdifferent.
I stayed in the coven building for more days than I could stand, waiting for word that Lucian had recovered. And then, when he came to see me himself, I had to ask the other witches to send him away, even though it absolutelykilledme. He was theonlyperson I wanted to see, but I simply couldn't have him see me likethis.
I watched him pace around the building for days from my window. I expected him to leave at some point, but he didn't.
Finally, I reached a point when I simply couldn't stand the confinement any longer.
"You really should just go out and talk to him," Sybil said as she looked over the bridge of her nose at me. Her Fae mate was visiting her and nodded his head in agreement.
"She's right, you know," he said. "If Lucian truly loves you, then none of the things you are trying to hide from him should matter. He'll love you regardless."
I rolled my eyes at them.No onewill love me like this.
"Well, if you're going, I would suggest you take this window of opportunity now," Blair said as she looked out the window. "Lucian has his back to the building and is lost in thought."
I coiled a scarf around my neck, pulled long gloves over my hands, and popped a pair of sunglasses on.
"You look ridiculous," Isla teased lovingly. "You are prettier without all that stuff, so your true self can shine."
"What I am now isnotmy true self."
"I disagree. You arealwaysyour true self, no matter what."
But I'm not. The dark magic has transformed some of my features into unrecognizable oddities. My irises are now raven black and take up the whole of my eyes, leaving no white. My blue eyes are a thing of the past. I never even realized how much I liked them until they were replaced with these.
I reach around to my back and scratch the wing bones poking through my skin. I have no idea if they will grow or stay the size they are right now. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with them, since they don't have any feathers or seemingly any purpose other than to make the back of my jacket protrude.
When I pull my hand back down, I turn my wrists around in front of my face to look at the back of each hand. There are several, small black feathers growing out of my skin. I am no longer just a witch, but now also part creature as well.
At the coven building, when I first woke up in a panic and showed the other witches what happened to me, they had some ideas about why I suddenly sprouted wings and feathers and the kind of eyes that follow you without moving.
Blair guessed the features were part raven or crow. It makes sense since ravens and crows play a considerable part in some dark magic spells, and even though there were no feathers or crushed bird bone in the specific potion that I used to save Lucian, there was a small sketch of a raven scribbled in the corner of the spell's page in my grandmother's grimoire. Perhaps it was a warning of the spell's cost. Part of me wishes that I had known that ahead of time, but the other part knows I wouldn't have done anything differently.
Sybil tried to tell me that I was still beautiful, and the other witches agreed and assured me that my newfeaturesdidn't affect anything. But their words didn't help. I am still beside myself.
I love nature and all its creatures, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily want tobeone. I was perfectly content just being a green witch.
I take my hair out of its braids, letting it fall down around my shoulders. It looks out of place, a stark contrast to my eyes and hands.
When I can't bear to look into my dark, abysmal eyes any longer, I changed into a t-shirt and pajama pants, sit on my bed, and cry. I miss Lucian. I just want him to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. But I can't let him see me like this.
Blair said I should tell him, especially since Lucian was part animal himself. But he's a natural-born shifter. I, on the other hand, have beentransformedby dark magic.
I don't feel orlooklike myself anymore. And I can't expect Lucian to look at me in the same way either. At some point, he will have to find out. But I am trying to delay that moment for as long as possible by keeping my distance. As long as he doesn't know, he can't be repulsed by me.
After a few days in my apartment, I get tired of solitude and open some of the curtains. When I look outside, there is no sign of Lucian. I know he visited me, but I guess he got tired of me shutting him out.
But during the night, I wake from a fretful sleep and turn to the window to find him sitting on the other side of the glass, watching me in his wolf form.
At first, I panic. But the moon is full, and the light outside is brighter than it is in my room, so he can't see more than my shadowy figure.
I stare into his eyes and long to be beside him. What is the point of all this if I can't be near him? With that, I decide I'm done hiding.
I take a deep breath and climb out into the garden.
Lucian is sitting at the base of one of the potted trees in my rooftop garden. He is almost too tall to sit beneath it, even though he's couched down to make himself fit and blend in with the foliage, so he doesn't startle me. I guess that it's my turn to startle him.
I walk straight up to him and let the moonlight douse me in a melting wave of luminous light. Now, he can seeeverything.
