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Aspen had bathed and cleaned his teeth so he didn’t feel so disgusting in that aspect at least. Breakfast was too much of a hurdle when he was trying not to cry. He wasn’t expecting Roth to storm into his bedroom with a face like thunder and his ears drawn back.
“Normally, I wouldn’t do such a thing especially since he loves you so much.”
“What are you doing?” Aspen tried to scoot back as Roth snatched his ankle.
“But I think you need this.”
“Get the fuck off!”
Aspen was jerked down and flat on the bed. Like lightning, Roth slapped him right across the face and completely blew out all coherent thought. Instead of tossing a nasty insult, Aspen lay stunned as his cheek stung.
“That’s for being a brat,” snarled Roth. “If you want to continue hating him, go right ahead. Hate his fucking guts. Hate mine too if you want, but don’t you dare talk to him like that again after all he’s done for you and for us. It’s tearing him apart, and the guilt is eating him from the inside out. He doesn’t need the weight of your insults on him before he goes to war.”
Aspen’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t hate him. Not anymore.”
Roth cocked one of his ears as his tail kept swishing. “You have a funny way of showing it especially since you blatantly said you hate him.”
“I don’t. I just…” Aspen started to cry. “I-I want him to hate me so he’ll leave me alone. He doesn’t need to keep dragging me with him or trying to fix the past. He’s got you now, and he doesn’t need me.”
When they were nearly at the Windswept Isles, Aspen had figured that if Oriel grew angry enough with him, maybe he’d finally leave for good. Most people could only take so much verbal shit thrown in their face. He’d stop trying and pay attention to things that actually mattered in his life.
Aspen could off himself because no one would miss him, and he wasn’t sure how he’d survive while alone in his mind. If Oriel made it through the war, he could work on forgetting Aspen, focus on what was important, and move on in life with Roth. Roth didn’t need him either. He’d already saved Aspen and tried to help him on the ship, but he should focus on Oriel who was worthy of his time and attention.
Roth’s ears twitched after a few seconds. “I’m not a replacement for you if that’s what you’re thinking. That was never the point.”
“He clearly loves you. You sleep together and do everything. I know you’ve fucked each other too, and Oriel’s just dragging this out. It’s you he wants, and you’re much better because you’re not all fucked up in your brain. I bet you never had to whore your ass out on the street to survive either. There’s no room for me.”
Roth sighed. “If you pulled your head out of your ass for five seconds, you’d see there is room for three. We've already discussed it, but he doesn’t think you’ll ever want him again. If you don’t, that’s your choice, but he knows I’m fine with a third in our relationship.”
Aspen stared at him. There was nothing wrong with two spouses if everyone agreed, but cat fairies usually were possessive about their mate and didn’t want a third. Oriel certainly didn’t seem into such a thing either. “That’s not him. He never would have dreamed of that two years ago. We didn’t even fuck for a while.”
“Maybe he’s grown in some aspects, and it’s possible to love more than one. He’s close to us both, and he’s developed feelings. But like I said, pull your head out of your ass and stop acting like a brat. Be civil, and don’t fucking attack him with your words. He’s suffered enough, and he doesn’t need more from someone that he loves. He’s done his best for you, yet you keep abusing him. I’ve kept quiet about it since this was your relationship with him, good or bad, but I’m tired of seeing you chip at him when he’s been through enough.”
Aspen wasn’t sure if another slap was coming since Roth was still leaning over him with his red hair dangling down. His ears weren’t so back anymore, but they weren’t relaxed either.
“You keep punishing him, and you’re punishing yourself too.”
“I don’t deserve him.” Aspen dared to sit up and scoot away a bit. “The thing with Captain Nalha proved that. Then he spent money on the medicine and to get us a cabin. He still keeps trying even though I don’t deserve him. I did hate you two, but you both keep doing nice things and taking care of me even though I’m shit.”
Roth got on his knees and leaned over the edge of the bed. “Let me tell you something. My Father beat the crap out of me a lot while growing up since I was a bastard kid. I won’t get into all of the exact details right now, but he used me like a punching sack at times. I hid the bruises and pretended everything was fine. I have a kink where I like to be attacked and ‘raped’ by someone who I trust. It’s not actual rape, but I like the feel that it is.”
Aspen almost gaped at him. He’d heard of that kink before, but he didn’t think he’d met anybody who engaged in it. Quite frankly, it sounded horrifying to him.
“You don’t want that,” he mumbled.
“I want the feeling from someone I trust,” said Roth. “It’s different. I like the other to take control from me. I don’t want it truly taken from me, but I have more power by allowing the other to do it. I’m safe. Oriel’s done it for me, and he’s even cut me. I trust him.”
Oriel had done that?!
“I’ve been made to feel guilty for being a bastard all my life even though it’s not my fault. I’m guilty that I had to be cruel to Oriel at first and convince him that I was some cold-hearted fucker so he’d obey me.”
Aspen knew all of that from yesterday except for the rape kink.
“I’ll probably always like it now. It’s helped me to give up control, allow someone else to take it, and still feel safer. I get to control the outcome. Oriel doesn’t seem interested in receiving during sex, but he likes getting the control and making me feel good. It works for us and gives him a sense of control without actually hurting me. You punishing yourself and tormenting him with your words isn’t helping anyone. No trust or safety is built from your verbal attacks. If you truly want to separate, you have to tell him civilly, although I hope to Elira you don’t kill yourself afterward because if he learns of that, it will tear out another chunk of him. Even if you live, you won’t get anywhere by punishing yourself withactualharm. You can’t get back at those who hurt you by truly hurting yourself and or Oriel.”
“You let someone hurt you.”
“Oriel doesn't actuallyhurtme. You keep to yourself, lash out, and want us to hate you. I don’t push away Oriel’s love or keep to myself because it won’t do anything to Lord Delwin. Even if I have a kink that seems strange, I can take good stuff when it’s there and reciprocate it. Oriel likes doing it to me, and it’s mutual. With you and him, it’s all hurt, hurt, hurt, and nobody gets anything good from it. Maybe you could take what Oriel is willing to offer you.”
