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“How about the entire world?” she shoots back with a disbelieving laugh, like she doesn’t understand why I can’t get this. Maybe my own frustration over the situation refuses to let me. This time, Alex takes a step back from me, further creating more space between us. I can’t stand it. “Maybe it’s difficult for you to understand because you’re the professional, rich athlete with millions of fans across the country. But if we ever took this relationship public,I’mgoing to be the one who will be ripped apart by the press.” Her cheeks are pink from anger, and it’s a completely inappropriate time to think of how beautiful she looks, given the circumstances. “I’m going to be the nanny who fucked her boss. I’ll be the one who gets ridiculed and loses her job.You’llbe fine.”
“I’ll be fine?” I repeat, my own ire rushing through me, white hot and upsetting. “If people are ripping you apart, you think I’ll be fine?” I take a step towards her, my height towering over her smaller frame easily, but Alex doesn’t look the least bit intimidated—which is a relief. “The last thing I want is for you to catch shit because you’re with me. And I can’t promise that it won’t happen.” As much as I want to, I know I can’t. It’s impossible. The world will always have an opinion, no matter what.
Alex can sense that I’m stopping myself from continuing. She arches an eyebrow and prompts, “But?”
A rough exhale escapes through my nose, my jaw working. “But who gives a fuck?” I ask, shrugging. “People will talk—it’s inevitable. Is that enough for you to want to take a step back from this?”
Alex’s shoulders drop, her forehead creasing as she stares up at me like I’m not getting the point. It only furthers my frustration, wishing desperately that we both were on the same page about this. At this point, I’m not sure we are even reading the same book. “People will talk aboutme, Leo. I’m the one who will lose her job. You’ll keep getting to play, and no one will want to hire me because I’ll be the nanny who fucked her client’s dad.”
My jaw is tight enough to snap my teeth, my annoyance red hot in my veins. “We’re not fucking, Alex. We’re in a relationship.” I shake my head. “Or at least I’m trying to be. You’re ending things before they even started.”
She shakes her head, her expression crestfallen, and it tugs at my chest. “I’m not ending anything—”
“Really?” I interrupt, unconvinced. “It sounds like you are. And it sounds like you have a pretty good reason to,” I add on with a bitter, empty chuckle that makes her wince. I hate that I caused it. I hate that we are doing this to each other. I fucking hate that this can’t be easy, and that she has more to lose than I do.
“I don’t want to,” Alex stresses, her eyes glassing over, which only threatens to break me. I don’t want her to cry over this, but this is killing me all the same. “I want to be with you, Leo. But I can’t put off worrying about the future any longer, you know? Because if I let my feelings for you really take over now, then it’s only going to hurt so much more if there comes a point where we can’t be together.”
“We can keep it just between us, Alex,” I try. Because as shitty as all of this is, I would rather go through it with Alex than be alone without her. “For as long as you need to.”
“And you’d be okay with that?” she asks in a way that tells me she hates that I would have to keep things under wraps. “When all of your friends are out with their fiancées and wives, but you can’t be out with me in the same way?”
“I’d be okay with it, as long as it meant I would be coming home to you,” I say truthfully, and I see the impact my words have on her. She takes in a sharp breath, her glassy eyes widening ever so slightly. “Besides, who says we have to keep this a secret from everyone? Eventually, when we’re both comfortable enough, I think we should tell at least our closest friends. People we trust who’d keep their mouths shut. If we can’t go out with them, we can always have people over. We don’t have to completely cut everyone off just for the sake of our relationship, honey.”
“You’re willing to do all of that?” Alex asks quietly, eyebrows pulling together a little. “Keep your friends in the dark until I’m ready?”
“Untilwe’reready,” I correct and nod. “And yeah. I am.”
Her throat works, a heaviness settling on her features that I’m not quite sure I like. “And if I tell you I need some time to figure things out and get my head on straight?”
The tightness in my chest intensifies, but I don’t let it show. I don’t want Alex to know I’m not completely all for it, even though I support whatever she wants. Like I said, she obviously has a lot more to lose than I do. I can’t be selfish and tell her she can’t have time, because she damn well can. I will still be here.
“Then I’ll tell you to take the time you need,” I say honestly, fixing my gaze on hers. “And I’ll be here.”
Relief lightens her features, much to my own respite. The tension in the air slowly dissipates. Not completely, but enough to make it easier to breathe for both of us. “Thank you, Leo,” Alex murmurs, and I hate that she still looks a little apologetic about asking for what she needs.
“Of course, honey,” I return.
She nods slowly once, to herself, chewing on her bottom lip before saying, “I should head to bed.” One corner of her mouth quirks up as she tells me, “Make sure to eat.”
That pulls a soft, breathless chuckle out of me, easing some of the tension in my muscles. “Yes, ma’am,” I murmur, pressing a kiss to her forehead. I feel her lean into me slightly. “Goodnight, Alex.”
She sighs. “Goodnight, Leo.”
* * *
“I need your advice on something, but you can’t ask any questions.”
Reed and Willow blink at me, her surprise more evident than his, since the guy is a master at schooling his expression. “Uh, okay?” Willow says in confusion, slowly lowering her water bottle. “What’s up?”
The three of us are sitting in their living room after Reed and I had a quick gym session in his home gym. Normally, the guys come over to my place, but this was a last-minute thing for Reed and me, since JJ and Caden are busy, so we ended up at his place. Which is all for the better, given what I want to talk to him and Willow about.
Even though I probably shouldn’t. Even though I told Alex that we would keep things between us until we were ready for others to know. But if I don’t mention her by name, it will be fine. I hope.
My jaw works for a moment against Reed and Willow’s expectant expressions. “How did you two make things work, when you had to keep your relationship under wraps because of your job?” I ask, the last bit of my question directed towards Willow.
I can tell my question catches them both off guard while also piquing their interest. I brace myself for the onslaught of questions I know they are going to have as Willow sits up and Reed arches an eyebrow. I figured the two of them would be the best people to seek advice from. Caden and Daria hid their relationship for a while too, at the start, but that was mostly because Daria wanted to protect Elaine, their daughter.
Meanwhile, Reed and Willow hid theirs because of Willow’s job, since she had just taken over as head reporter and she didn’t want to cause any waves by dating the quarterback for the team that she is following.
