AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I groan at the thought. “You mean like the time you took that poor human girl to a graveyard for a midnight picnic?”
“I thought it was romantic.” Alexander shrugs. “It wasn’t like we were going to disturb anyone.”
“Except for the ghost you accidentally summoned with your romantic graveyard picnic. That poor girl was so terrified she never wanted to see you again,” I reply sarcastically.
“Yeah, I forgot about that.”
“You and your grand romantic gestures,” I finish my drink and set my glass on the table. “Perhaps you should stick to swiping left and right, Alex.”
“Hey, X, at least I’m giving it a shot, and you should too. You never know, maybe you’ll stumble upon your soulmate in the vastness of the online world.”
“Just what I need, a soulmate who’s an expert in witty one-liners and virtual roses. My life is truly complete.”
Marcus leans forward in his chair, his piercing blue eyes fixed on me. “Xavier, I must strongly advocate for your consideration of embracing the world of online dating. Merely relying on traditional methods of seduction has proven insufficient in the ever-evolving dynamics of modern romance. As attitudes and expectations of women have transformed with the passage of time, it is paramount that you adapt to the present social landscape, enhancing your prospects of successfully discovering a compatible partner.”
The world has progressed since the days of my youth, and the prospect of finding a mate has become a daunting task. Is swiping through profiles and messaging strangers really the solution? Even though love isn’t within my grasp, going on dates would cure my boredom, and my bed would be filled. “I’ll try online dating, but don’t expect me to put up a picture of my bloody abs.”
Alexander lets out a chuckle. “Chill, man. Don’t sweat it. You can just dig up one of those ancient pictures of yours from the 1800s. You know when you rocked that dashing gothic vibe.”
“Oh yes because nothing screams ‘I’m with it’ like a daguerreotype.”
“Disregard the photograph for the time being. May I request that you hand me your mobile phone?” Marcus extends his hand across the table, presenting his sizable palm. “I shall assist you in configuring your profile.” His grin reveals a row of perfect, white teeth, but there is a hint of naughtiness in his eyes that makes me uneasy.
Skeptical of his ability to create a compelling profile for me, I hesitate to hand over my phone. However, as I consider the entire endeavor meaningless, I reluctantly surrender my device. “Just don’t make me come across as pathetic.”
With a pensive expression, Marcus begins to peruse my phone screen. His fingers dance over the surface, his other hand idly stroking his beard.
“Let us see,” he murmurs. “We must find a way to capture your essence.”
I scoff at the notion. “I hardly think the app cares about my essence.”
“Nonsense,” Marcus counters. “We must endeavor to craft a profile that distinguishes you from the relentless swarm of undead Casanovas populating the digital realm. We shall devise a profile that captures your unique charm and highlights your exceptional qualities. We’ll infuse it with wit, elegance, and a touch of mysterious allure. You shall be the epitome of enchantment.”
“Very well,” I agree with a sigh, eyeing the discarded playing cards and empty glasses scattered across the table. “Let’s forego the clichés and lengthy discussions about walks on the beach.”
“How about an admirer of the night, in search of a kindred soul to indulge in moonlit mischief? One who finds delight in unraveling the secrets of hidden alleyways, attuned to the whispers of the wind, and relishing in the company while sharing a bottle of crimson nectar beneath the celestial canopy.”
Intrigued, I arch an eyebrow. “That’s not half bad. Be sure to include that I’m not interested in any witches or fae.”
“Why not?” Alexander teases. “Are you not looking to get freaky in the sheets? Let me tell you, those witches are known to get wild, and the fae are notorious for their seductive powers.”
“I’m well aware of their abilities,” I say pointedly, tapping my fingers against the table. “But they also have a penchant for turning nasty, and I have no desire to have my cock rot off, thank you very much.”
Both witches and fae have a reputation for being easily angered and vindictive when their pride or honor is insulted. One wrong move, and you will find yourself the victim of a powerful hex or charm.
“Yeah, a rotting dick is never a good outcome,” Alexander replies, his voice filled with amusement.
I shudder at the thought of being on the receiving end of such magic. It is best to steer clear of the supernatural world altogether and stick to the mortal world. Thankfully, I am saved from further discussing the perils of sleeping with the magical beings that inhabit Shadowbrook by Marcus.
“It is done,” Marcus announces triumphantly, as if he has just finished casting a spell, before handing me my phone. “You are now prepared to embark upon the perilous realm of online dating, my immortal friend. May the odds be perpetually in your favor.” He grins and gives me a playful wink, making me roll my eyes. “Do not fret,” he adds. “I have filtered everyone with the ability to cast a rot spell.”
As I peer down at the profile, my gaze flickering between the screen and Marcus, a mix of curiosity and apprehension twists within me. The contents of the profile are simple enough—nothing particularly unusual—but I can’t shake off the nagging doubts that linger at the back of my mind. After all, I am a goddamn vampire, not some recently divorced middle-aged human trying to re-enter the dating scene.
Despite my reservations, however, I find myself with a newly created online dating profile. Oh, and look, I just received my first message...
May the darkness that surrounds us have mercy on our souls.
CHAPTER TWO
