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He lifts up, giving me space. “What are you doing?”
I crawl out from underneath him, shielding my nipples that are puckered against my nightgown. “I can’t do this.”
I’ve never seen Neo speechless, but he is right now. I almost feel bad for him, in a way, because the look on his face is not one of anger, but embarrassment instead.
“I’m sorry, Neo. Things shouldn’t have gone this far. I…I lied.” I bend down and reach under the bed and grab the handcuffs. “I came in here with the intention of cuffing you to the bed until you told me what you know.” I hold the handcuffs up, letting them dangle from my finger.
Neo snatches the handcuffs away from me, that look of rage I see so often returning. “You were fucking playing me?”
“In my defense, haven’t we been playing each other for days?” I chuckle humorlessly, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s a constant game of cat and mouse with us.”
“But I always catch you. You run and I chase, and in the end, I win.”
“No. Not this time. This time, there are no winners. I can’t do this anymore. I just want things back to the way they were. I want Crew and Jagger back.”
“Crew and Jagger?” He scoffs. “That’s all you care about, isn’t it?” His hands wave in the air as he paces the length of the bed. “Fuck everyone else. Fuck your family. Fuck Maddie. Fuck me.”
“You?” I spit out. “The only reason I’m even here right now is because of you, Neo. You’re blackmailing me. Do you seriously think I’m going to fall into your bed and let you have your way with me, while demanding I sleep with no one else?”
Saying it out loud makes it seem that much more ridiculous.
“I love Crew and Jagger. What I feel for you…” I don’t know what I feel for Neo. Do I hate him? Maybe I don’t. Do I have some sort of hidden feelings for him? Possibly. But what I really feel is sadness for him. I feel… “I feel sorry for you.” He’s lost so much, and it's no wonder he behaves the way he does. Deep down, I think Neo is just really, really lonely.
He stops walking, his shoulders drop and he squints at me harshly. “You feel sorry for me?” His voice rises and falls. “You fucking feel sorry for me? Why is that, Scar? Because you’re out to ruin my goddamn life? You shouldbesorry, instead of feeling sorry. Parading around this house like a little tramp, forcing me to look at every flawless inch of your skin. Enticing me and sucking me in just because you can. I’m not supposed to want you, or crave you, like an addict in need of a fix. But I do, because you fucking made me!”
I take a step toward him, then two steps back, while covering my mouth with my palm. My posture crumples and his words loop in my head like a record. Is Neo saying he wants me, but he’s not supposed to. But why?
“Neo,” I whisper, but he grumbles and gives me his back. “Is this because of your dad and how much he’s always disliked me?”
His head lifts then he abruptly looks over his shoulder. “Why would you ask that?”
“It’s no secret that your dad has always hated my friendship with Maddie. I always wondered how my dad was so close with him, when he had such a strong dislike for his daughter. Then I learned about the pacts and oaths. He had to stay loyal to him, and he still does. But I think your dad hates my family and he wants you to hate us, too.”
“No. My dad doesn't hate your family. He only hates you.”
Those words cut deeper than any he’s ever said to me before. Hate is such a strong word, one Neo and I have used many times because we know the intensity of it and we know what it does to one another. He says it to hurt me, and I do the same. Until now, I always believed he did hate me, butnow, I don’t think he does. I think he just pretends to because it’s what his dad wants.
“Why? What did I ever do to your dad to make him hate me so much?”
Neo comes closer, eating the space between us, and each step has my soul crying out louder and louder to him. This whole moment offers so much clarity. Everything suddenly makes sense. Neo’s dad turned him against me, and from what he’s saying, it sounds like he's fighting to live up to his dad’s demands.
“Why does he hate me, Neo?”
His neck rolls, eyes landing on my lips. He’s close. Really close. I can hear each breath he draws in and feel each one he blows out.
“He hates you because you exist in his world. And I also think it’s because he believes you have the ability to take Maddie and me away from him.”
My heart pangs. It feels like I’ve fallen down this dark hole, and I can’t see anything. There’s so much uncertainty and so many secrets. I just need to get out of this mess. I need Crew and Jagger to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, while I tell them the same.
“This secret you’re holding over my head. Does it have anything to do with why your dad thinks I have the ability to take you and Maddie away?”
Please answer the question. Please, God, let him just answer the question and give me one sliver of hope that the end is near.
“Yes.”
I sigh heavily. My head falls back, and I pinch my eyes shut. His dad knows my secret, too, then.
“Okay.” I nod, bringing my head forward. “Is your dad and this secret the reason you’ve treated me so awful all these years.”
