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A month ago, Dex had never been in my life. He barreled into it like the tree through the house. And then, just as quickly, he was gone. Unlike the house, I was still damaged.
On the outside, I was back to work. Back to yoga. Groceries on Saturday. Mowing the lawn Monday night. My lists were back in place.
Nothing changed, except me.
I wanted to be a romance author, and I was just starting to accomplish it. Two books. But I was doing it in secret. Hiding my dream from everyone because of what they’d think.
I kicked the covers down, sat up.
“Ahhhh!” I shouted.
Dex was ridiculously famous and always in the spotlight. No matter how diligent and behaved like a Boy Scout, his life was shared like it was an open book for the world. Yet he didn’t care what people thought.
No, he did, but only when it hurt others.
He didn’t like that woman he protected at the bar to be cast in a bad light. He wanted the sponsorship with OutdoorNow to grow his charity, not because he wanted the spotlight. He shared our wedding photo–albeit a selfie in the back of a hired car–because he wanted the world to know in his goofy way, that I was his wife.
He was out there. One of the best hockey players today. Or, if the sports sites were correct, of this generation. He was proud of it. Lived it.
Then there was me. I’d taken on raising Bridget when our parents died. I kept a safe, consistent life for her in this house. Found a job that allowed that to happen. When had I gone astray? Was it when Brandon dumped me because he didn’t want an adult life raising a ten-year-old?
Overnight, I went from a dreaming twenty-three-year-old to acting like a middle-aged woman with a kid and a boring job. Now, I really was a middle-aged woman with a boring job. The kid had moved on, like she was supposed to.
I never did.
What was I waiting for? Why was I hiding my dreams? Why was I worried what others thought? If I was holding off until I got the go ahead from the world, I’d be right here with my list and my emotional support toaster–God, I hated Bridget’s words–for the rest of my life.
This was my parents’ house and…
And…
It was time to go.
Time to live my dream.
I climbed from bed, went downstairs and into the kitchen. I flipped on the light and lifted the lid on my laptop. It flickered to life on my story and the editor’s final comment.
Something was missing all right.
Me. All of me.
I could write in all kinds of sexy scenes, but like my relationship with Dex, if I didn’t give over my heart completely, the romance would fall flat.
Which it had.
I loved Dex and he’d tried so fucking hard for me to see he was the one for me. My heart got involved, but I never gave it to him.
Just like my characters.
I was holding back. Dex put it all out there and the only thing that kept him from being perfect was that he didn’t live in Hunter Valley and traveled for most of the hockey season.
That was a pillow berm I put in place.
I dropped into the chair, bent one knee and set my foot on the seat. I grabbed the envelope with the divorce papers in them. Tossed it aside.
Grabbing my cell, I texted Bridget, even though she wouldn’t get it until morning.
* * *
