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“Mr. Gibson, I’m Dr. Becker. Let’s talk about what I can do to help you.”
Levi immediately liked the middle-aged man and spent the next hour answering questions and revealing more about his experiences in Vietnam than he’d shared with anyone.
When he left, with an appointment for two days later, Levi felt better than he had since the Fourth of July. To share some of what was bothering him with someone he felt wouldn’t judge him had lifted a weight he hadn’t even realized he was carrying.
It was after his third session, an hour spent with anger pouring out of him in a manner that freed and released it, that Levi got into his pickup to drive home and turned on the radio. As he left the hospital, he fiddled with the dial until he found the station Grace preferred and listened to Bill Withers sing “Lean on Me.” The song was all about leaning on one another because everyone needed a hand from time to time.
Levi realized that was what his parents and especially Grace had been trying to get him to realize. He didn’t need to carry this burden all alone. He could lean on them in his time of need without embarrassment or anger or fear. He could lean on them out of love.
Then Levi acknowledged in all the weeks of turmoil, he’d never once turned to the One who was always there for him to lean on, to carry his burdens, and renew his hope. Feeling convicted for his lack of faith, Levi opened his heart to God and sought forgiveness for his stubbornness and pride. He prayed for help to get him through his troubles and the strength to reach the other side.
Thoughts of Grace filled his mind, and he so badly wanted to go to her, but the timing wasn’t right. Not yet.
But perhaps she wouldn’t mind receiving a letter from him.
As soon as he got home, he wrote her a brief but heartfelt note and took it out to the mailbox, hoping it wouldn’t take long to reach her. Then he found the card the World War II veteran had given him back in May, and he phoned James Jepson. In J.J., Levi had found both a friend and ally who completely understood what he had been through and the emotions he was dealing with now.
Over the next few weeks, Levi continued seeing Dr. Becker, continued renewing his faith, and continued missing Grace.
He’d written her half a dozen letters, and she’d replied to three of them, offering encouragement and support but not hinting of anything more.
For her sake, he should have let her go, but he couldn’t. Not when he loved her to the very depths of his being. He’d apologized to her in his letters, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to do it face-to-face.
On a hot afternoon near the end of August, he had an appointment to see both Dr. Becker and Dr. O’Brien. He finished with Dr. Becker and made his way to Dr. O’Brien’s office, where he checked in with the receptionist and took a seat to wait. It wasn’t long until a familiar voice called his name.
He stood, and his gaze collided with Grace’s. Her beauty took his breath away for a moment. Almost two months had passed since his incident at the fireworks show, but it felt more like years. Just the sight of her filled his heart with an unexpected joyful feeling.
With a nod, he followed her to an exam room where she took his pulse and temperature with cool professionalism. When she leaned close to put the cuff around his arm to check his blood pressure, he couldn’t help but breathe in her intoxicating scent.
Man, alive, but he’d missed her.
Everything in him shouted to take her in his arms, to apologize, to profess his love, and to promise her he’d never let anything come between them again. But the timing wasn’t right. Not when she pressed her lips into a thin line and wrote notes in his medical chart as though he were nothing more than a patient.
Part of him did feel like a stranger to Grace. So much had changed in the last month. Thanks to Dr. Becker, Levi had only awakened twice with nightmares in the past three weeks. With the help of the techniques the doctor had taught him, he was able to calm down and go back to sleep.
With each session, Levi knew he made progress. At first, he did it for his loved ones, but now he did it for himself. For the sake of his soul and his own peace of mind. He needed to feel like he could help himself, but he’d learned the best help came not from a doctor or his own thoughts, but from God. When he accepted that, peace unlike anything he’d ever felt had flooded through him.
He wanted to share all that with Grace, but from the look on her face, the opportunity to do so may have passed entirely.
“Levi! So good to see you,” Dr. O’Brien said as he hustled into the room. After giving him a quick checkup, testing his range of motion, and declaring him as fit as a fiddle, the doctor told him he didn’t need to come back for six months.
This was great news for Levi, although he caught a look of despair flash across Grace’s face as the doctor left the room.
Levi stood and pulled on his shirt, slowly fastening the snaps while keeping his gaze locked on her. She busied herself tidying the already clean room, then fussed with an imaginary speck of lint on her uniform. He tucked in his shirt, aware of her watching him from the corner of her eye.
When he was dressed, with his hat in his left hand, he took a step toward the door, then stopped. The electrical sparks between the two of them that popped around the room were almost something Levi could see. It made him hopeful that things weren’t entirely over with Grace, at least not yet.
On a chance, he lifted her hand with his and kissed the backs of her fingers.
She jerked her hand away and glared at him, but he smiled at her. A smile of apology.
“I’m truly and deeply sorry, Grace, for acting like I did when you were only trying to do what was best. I was in a bad place, as you pointed out, and needed help. Dr. Becker is amazing, and I’m so very thankful you suggested I give him a call. I just wanted to let you know I’m doing much better, and a large part of that is thanks to you. I hope someday you can forgive me, Grace. If you ever want to be friends again, you know where to find me.”
Before she could say a word, he tipped his head to her and left the room. Instead of worrying about what might happen, he decided to just leave it all in the Creator’s capable hands.
Lighter in heart than he’d been for a long, long time, Levi drove home whistling along to the radio. The song that played, about seeing clearly after the rain had gone, was exactly how Levi felt. He’d been trapped in a horrible, stormy place that had left him mired in darkness. But the sun had finally broken through the clouds, and he could clearly see the light around him, within him, once again.
Saturday morning, Levi awakened with one thought on his mind.
