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Evan looked away for a moment, indecision stamped on his features, then looked straight into Colin’s eyes. “Yeah, it does.”
“I’m sorry.” Colin dragged a hand down his face. “I don’t mean to hurt you. I just…I can’t seem to get a handle on this. You and me. I’m trying, but…”
Evan’s face went still, his eyes shuttered. “Do you want to stop?”
“Stop what?” Colin asked, genuinely confused. Stop trying to handle it? What good would that do? Then the penny dropped, and his stomach fell to his toes. “No. God, no, that’s not what I want.”
“Then what do you want?” Evan asked, and though his voice was low, the frustration was unmistakable.
“I don’t know,” Colin said, annoyed that he couldn’t do any better than that. “We’ve been friends for a long time.”
“Yeah, we have. And for almost every minute of that, I’ve wished for more. But if that’s not what you want—”
“It is,” Colin interrupted, panic pushing the words out. “That is what I want.”
“Then what’s going on, Colin?”
“I can’t get my balance,” he began, then shook his head. It was true, as far as it went, but it wasn’t the whole truth. He took a breath and blurted out, “I’m scared.”
“I’m scared, too.”
Colin felt as though there were razors in his throat. “What are you scared of?”
“Mostly that we don’t have enough in common to last,” Evan said baldly. “I know we’ve been friends for a long time, and it hasn’t mattered, but this is different. Isn’t it?”
Colin felt raw, exposed. “Yeah, it is.”
“So that’s what I’m scared of.” Evan’s gaze stayed steady, searching. “What are you scared of?”
Of losing you, Colin thought and opened his mouth to say it. But the words stuck in his throat.
Evan’s gaze softened, and he stepped forward so the toes of his sneakers bumped up against Colin’s. “What are you scared of, baby?”
Maybe it was the baby that did it. Maybe it was the intimate tone of voice. Maybe it was the hand he lifted to cradle Colin’s cheek, solid and comforting, and the look in those blue eyes, imploring him. Whatever it was, the dam broke.
“Of losing you,” Colin blurted out. “I don’t want to lose you, Evan.”
Evan leaned forward, resting his forehead against Colin’s. “Not possible.”
“But what if—?”
Evan pulled back to look him in the eye, his hand sliding from Colin’s jaw to the back of his neck. “You won’t lose me, Colin. You can’t.”
Colin swallowed convulsively, the press of Evan’s hand against the back of his neck was wonderfully firm. Solid. There. “Evan, I—”
“You can’t,” Evan repeated. “Not unless you push me away.”
“I don’t want to do that,” Colin managed.
Relief flashed in Evan’s eyes. “Good. Do you want to be with me?”
“Of course, I want to be with you,” Colin said, and with fear making his hands sweat, bit the bullet. “I love you.”
Something flared in Evan’s eyes, a bright burst of emotion that was quickly banked. “You do?”
“Yeah.” His stomach suddenly calm, Colin pulled off his mask so Evan could see his smile. “I really do.”
“That’s handy,” Evan choked out. “Since I love you, too.”
