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We stand there for a while in silence, just listening to the sounds of the machines, before I look down at Marley and lean over to kiss the top of her head.
“You ready?” I ask.
“I’m ready whenever you are,” she says, smiling up at me.
When we get back to the house, she goes into her bedroom to call Delaney, and I pace the house trying to figure out how to approach what I need to do next. I also can’t stop thinking about who would have paid for my mom’s care. It had to be Mitch.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Marley asks, walking into the living room.
“I’m going to have to go see Shane,” I tell her, referring to Riley’s dad.
“Clark—” she starts to say, but I stop her.
“It can’t be avoided, Marley.”
“Why? They aren’t even bothering us. The situation with your mom is handled, so what’s the point?” she asks, throwing her hands up.
“Don't you get it?” I yell, grabbing her biceps, making her look at me. “They’ll never stop. This is their game. They make you think everything is okay when it’s not. It’s never over with them… not until I put an end to it.”
Tears fill her eyes, and she shakes me off. The anger is evident in her features, it’s written all over her face.
“I want it to be known that I didn’t think this was a good idea. It’s a fucking suicide mission and we both know it. I don’t want to hear anything about it. When you walk out that door, you’re walking away from me. You’re walking away from us. I’m fucking begging you not to do this, Clark,” she cries.
I hang my head, because I don’t want this ultimatum. This is something I have to do. I don’t have a choice, and I wish she understood that. If losing her means I’ll be keeping her safe, then I guess that’s what I have to do.
“I don’t matter, do I?” she asks quietly, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“You matter more than anything in this fucking world. I’m sorry that you can’t see that this is something that has to be done. I’d rather lose you and know you’re safe than live in a world where I am constantly worried about you,” I tell her honestly.
She wraps her arms around herself. I don’t think she’s going to say anything, but she walks a little closer to me, her eyes still filled with tears.
“I have this feeling when I’m with you that I’ve never felt before. I don’t know if it’s love, because I’ve never been in love. The two of us keep continuing to self-sabotage, because we’re scared. I don’t want to lose you when it feels like I just got you. I’m so fucking scared.” She sobs, wiping tears from her face with the back of her hand.
I close the distance between us, and she backs away.
“This is overwhelming, Clark. It’s fucking terrifying. I’m afraid to hand my heart to you. I’m afraid of what will happen if I do. How can I just surrender myself to you when you are so hell bent on sending yourself off on this fucking suicide mission?” she asks, throwing her hands up again.
“Listen to me,” I tell her, grabbing her wrist, and she looks down at the contact but doesn’t pull away. “I’ve never been in love either, but I know I fucking love you. I can feel it seeping into my bones. I see you everywhere and feel your soul deep in my skin. I will do whatever the fuck I can to keep you safe, because you belong to me, and you always will. If you can’t understand that, then I’m sorry, but hopefully, one day, you will. You’re it for me, Marley. You’re my fucking end game. I can’t fully give myself over to you until I tie up this loose end.” I let go of her hand, and she’s sobbing now.
She starts to back out of the room, but I stalk over, grabbing her face and kissing her hard, before letting go and walking out the door. I have to go now before I lose myself in her and this idea of a perfect life that I know will never exist if I don’t get rid of all the demons that I’ve got.
* * *
It takes me almost two hours to find him. I pull up to his house and put my car in park, before leaning over to grab the gun I've stashed away in the glovebox to put in the waistband of my jeans.
I lean back against the seat of the car, taking a deep breath. I’ve ran through a million scenarios in my head and none of them end with me coming out of this alive, but I’m going to fight like hell to make sure I make it out on the other side of this battle, because I’ve got to get home to my woman.
He’s already standing at the door when I walk up, a smirk on his face.
“It took you a lot longer to come crawling back than I expected,” he says, moving to the side, allowing me to step into the house.
I’m already feeling the anger rising.
“We need to talk,” I tell him.
“Indeed we do, please sit down.” He gestures towards the couch in the living room.
I sit down, but my body is on full alert.
