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“You busy tonight?” he asks.
“No. I just got home from Halloween shopping with Delaney,” I tell him.
“Wanna come over?”
“Sure. I’ll be there soon,” I tell him.
I let Delaney know I’m going to Justin’s for a bit, then order an Uber. Mitch hasn’t had time to bring my car down yet, so I’ve been calling Uber.
Ten minutes later, the Uber drops me off at his frat house. I can hear their music outside, and I frown. He didn’t tell me they were having a party. I glance down at my cut off shorts and oversized T-shirt.
“Hey, Marrrrlleeey,” Anthony, one of his roommates, slurs from the front porch.
He’s got a blonde wrapped around him and a beer in his hand.
“What’s up, Anthony?” I say, waving.
I walk inside, pushing my way through the crowd of people, before heading upstairs to his room. I can hear people talking inside, but I open the door anyway. Justin is standing in the room with some brunette girl that I recognize, because I’ve seen her here before.
I look between the two of them. They aren’t touching each other or anything, but they immediately look guilty.
“I’ll talk to you later,” she says, looking at Justin, before walking past me to leave.
“What was that all about?” I ask, frowning.
“It was nothing, babe,” he says, walking up to me, sliding his arms around my waist.
I don’t believe him, but I don’t have the energy to start a fight.
“Wanna watch a movie?” he asks.
I nod, allowing him to lead me over to the bed. I know what’s going to happen. He’s going to try and make a move on me, and I’m going to reject him. We’ll fight about it, and I’ll leave. It’s the same story every time.
* * *
Turns out, I’m right, and two hours later, I’m standing on his porch, my arms crossed over my chest, waiting for my ride. I’m trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall, but I’m not doing a very good job.
I’ve been trying my best to be happy. Trying to live life to the fullest and all that shit, but it’s not working. I don’t know how much more of this shit I can take. The two of us will be over this fight in a couple of days and we’ll be back to pretending like things are normal, even though they aren’t, and most likely never will be.
I walk into the house, crying, and Delaney pulls me in for a hug.
“What the fuck did he do?” she asks, pulling away to look at me.
I tell her everything, while she comforts me.
“I’ve got to say something, and it’s probably going to piss you off,” she says.
“Go ahead,” I tell her, waving my hand in the air.
“You’re never going to allow yourself to love someone else when you’re so desperately in love with Clark James.”
Her words feel like they knock the air from my lungs.
“Before you deny it, just look at everything,” she says, putting her hand up in my face.
I stay silent, thinking back to all our interactions, and I realize she’s probably right.
“How do you stop loving someone?” I ask, tears falling from my eyes.
