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“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, but you’re not. Neither is Clark.”
He scowls at the mention of Clark's name.
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
“I don’t care. I went to his apartment tonight. He’s a mess, Mitch. He needs help.”
“I don’t give a fuck what he needs. He betrayed our friendship, and I really don’t want to be talking to you of all people about him.” He says, getting up angrily from the couch.
“Sit the fuck down and listen to me,” I say, raising my voice at him.
He frowns but sits back on the couch.
“He’s struggling. He was drunk when I got there. It’s clear he’s been drunk for a while. The place is a mess. He’s punishing himself because of you. It’s not right.”
“How is it not right? He fucked my baby sister. I specifically told him years ago that you and Mallory were off limits.”
“Do you think he fucked me on his own free will? Like he forced me to do it? I was involved too, Mitch. Get your head out of your ass and listen to me. This is your best friend we’re talking about. He’s not just any old friend. He’s been there for you through everything. He is your only family besides me. Who the fuck cares that we made a mistake? We’re over it. Why aren’t you?”
I don’t know why I lie like that, because neither one of us are clearly over whatever this thing is, but if I can repair this friendship that I’ve fucked up then I’ll never go anywhere near Clark again. It’s the right thing to do.
Mitch frowns but doesn’t argue with me.
“I don’t know how to forgive him for this.” He admits.
“You just get over it. We’re all adults. He didn’t force himself on me. It happened and it’s over.” I shrug.
Saying the words out loud makes me want to throw up because I’m in so deep with Clark that it’s painful to even pretend like this isn’t affecting me.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Mitch.” I sigh, feeling defeated.
“That’s the best I can do.” He shrugs.
“I’m afraid you’re going to lose him, Mitch. He needs help. He’s going through something that goes far beyond this fight. You need to make him talk to you and help him.”
“I appreciate your concern, Mar,” Mitch says, getting up from the couch.
He walks out the door without another word and I sigh, slumping into the couch cushions, running my hand over my face.
My brother is stubborn. He doesn’t forgive easily and I’m afraid that this game Clark and I have been playing might be too much for him. The worst part is, it’s not a game for me. It stopped being a game a long time ago.
I’m so fucking in love with him that it makes me sick. How can two people love each other, but it not just be as simple as that? Why does it have to be so hard? And how do you fall out of love with someone when it feels like they’re branded into every inch of your soul?
It feels like I’m stuck in purgatory. I love him in every way possible when I’m sleeping, but I wake up every day alone.
* * *
The next morning, I try texting Mitch to see if he’s come to his senses, but he ignores me. Sighing, I lay back in my bed, contemplating what I should do. I can’t go back to Clark’s house, because he’s being a fucking idiot right now and I don’t even want to see him, but he also doesn’t deserve to be blacklisted from everyone because of decisions the two of us made together.
I finally decide that maybe a visit to my brother is what needs to happen. Maybe another conversation will make him come to his senses. I pack an overnight bag because I’m not sure how long I’ll be there and shoot Delaney a text letting her know I’m leaving for the night.
Once I’ve thrown my bag in my car, I get inside and back out of the driveway. I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched.
I’m completely in the zone, singing along to the radio when it starts to rain. It isn’t much, just a heavy sprinkle, but enough to be a nuisance in what is usually an uneventful drive. I’m leaning up in the driver’s seat, hands gripped on the steering wheel, trying my best to see in front of me.
