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“Of course you do. You’re the only man she’s ever loved. She couldn’t get rid of you even when she went to Arizona. So yes… yes, you’re it for her. This other guy doesn’t stand a chance in hell. Not against you. Remember, you have always been her knight in shining armor. You just need to figure out what she needs in her life now and give it to her. She’s not the same woman who left after the accident.” Maya is right. I need to get to know her again.
“You’re right,” I tell her. “Is there anything I need to know? Is she sleeping with the firefighter?” It doesn’t matter if she is, but I must be a glutton for punishment because I want the answer more than I want my next breath.
“Shit, Jake. You wouldn’t know, would you? She hasn’t been with anyone since you. She tries to lie to me and tell me that there have been others, but I know better than that.” She is quiet on the other end for a while, and then she sighs and says, “Good luck, Jake. You’re going to need it.” She disconnects the line.
I feel my heart beat faster, harder than it has been.
She hasn’t slept with anyone since me.
This whole time, she’s still mine and suddenly, I feel dirty. I slept with other women while she’s been gone. I was hurting and trying to get over the pain. In doing so, I ruined something special. I hit the steering wheel and then regret it as Margot starts to stir in the seat next to me.
“What? What happened?” she whispers, pain in her voice as she tries not to move.
“You passed out, love. I’m taking you back to my place after we go to the hospital. You can get some rest.”
“No,” she whispers, then coughs as a piece of dust gets caught at the back of her throat. “No, you can drop me off at my place. It’s okay. I’m on Willow Street.”
“No can do. I’m not leaving you alone. You can get some rest at my place after the hospital. I’ll have Maya bring you a bag. You need someone to take care of you.” I look over, but she’s passed out again.
The hospital is uneventful, and they confirm that she’s got a concussion. Sighing, I call Maya back when we get released. I ask her to go to Margot’s house and bring some clothes over. I’m pulling into my driveway as I disconnect the call, and I open the front door before I pull Margot out of the car.
Being careful not to knock her into anything, I carry her into my bedroom and tuck her into my bed. Smiling at the image before me, I kneel at her side and run my hands through her blond hair. She always colored it black from the time she was able to convince her mom to let her do something different. It’s nice to see she has gone back to the blond. It suits her smile more than the black did. In sleep, she doesn’t carry any of the stress that is so evident when she is awake.
I can tell she carries the weight of our loss still, our almost-baby, I learned it’s called. I’ll be damned if I lose her again and I’ll do anything to keep that from happening. Smoothing her hair down behind her ear, I lean forward and brush a soft kiss on her forehead. “I’m here, Lilly-girl. I’ll protect you like I always have.” I leave the room, leaving the door open a few inches.
Admittedly, I’m acting like an obsessive boyfriend. Still, it’s more than that. I know it and so does she. She came to me when she needed anything once upon a time. I just have to show her that nothing has changed. That I’m still the man that she can trust with every single wish and dream she may have.
I pick up my phone and dial a familiar number, one that I deleted from my phone a long time ago. As I wait for the call to be answered, I think about what I might say.
“Jake, sweetie. It’s been so long. What’s going on?” Angela’s voice is smooth as silk on the other end of the line, and if I wasn’t positive that Margot was asleep in my bed, I would have thought it was her.
“Ang, I need to tell you something. And I need you to hear me out, okay?”
“Okay, Jake. You’re scaring me. Is everything alright? Is anyone hurt?” I can hear the implication. She wants to make sure her baby girl isn’t hurt.
“I know you heard about the accident. She showed up at the fire today, and it was too much for her. I brought her back to my house, and she’s sleeping it off. I’ll take care of her.”
She snorts in my ear. “Okay, Jake. What is it?” Motherly concern fills her voice, and I hope that I’m not about to ruin a relationship.
“You know I’ve loved your daughter for forever. I need to tell you that on her eighteenth birthday, I kissed her. And I pushed her away until she started working with us at the station, and then I let her go again after the miscarriage. But I’m not going to let her go this time. I’m done giving her mixed signals. And I want your blessing to marry her when the time comes.”
“Jake.” She sighs into the phone. “I know. My girl came home from her prom and told me everything that happened that night. I’ve known since you were fourteen years old that one day you’d be my son-in-law. My girl has loved you since before she knew what love was. You were the knight in shining armor that she needed as a child, and you turned into the man that would give her the world. She just needed to grow up a little. There’s no shame in that. You take care of her, and don’t rush into the marriage stuff. It can wait. Oh, and don’t scare me like that again or I’ll beat you with my shoe.” She chuckles. “Stupid man, thinkin’ I raised a girl who wouldn’t tell me everything.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. Now that we’ve got that straightened out, I’m going to go back to kicking some ass at cribbage. Call me if she needs me.” For the second time in less than a few hours, a woman hangs up on me.
10
MARGOT
I knowwhere I am before I even open my eyes. The bed is different, softer than it was before. But everything else is the same.
Jake must have bought a new mattress. Still the smell, his smell, is everywhere. He hasn’t changed his cologne since I’ve been gone, and for a minute I let myself imagine what life would have been like if I stayed.
We’d be planning our future. Maybe he would have helped me get over my fear of losing another baby. Undoubtedly, he would have loved me, no matter what I decided. Even if that decision is that I don’t want to have any children. I can see our future, here in the house that I helped him decorate. The plans we never spoke about but had always been on my mind.
I was afraid. I know that now. Afraid of the things we could do together if I had given him a chance.
