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I looked at her through bleak eyes. "But it's true. If I hadn't been in such a foul mood and stayed with Pete, I wouldn't be in this situation." I wasn’t sure when I got pregnant, but I knew that if I hadn’t lit the inferno with Todd at the wedding, I wouldn’t have slept with him.
"That might be true, except the attraction was there. Whether you saw him at the wedding or another place, you probably would have hooked up."
I shook my head. "Before the wedding, he hardly knew I existed."
"All right, let's say what you're saying is true. Do you really wish that you never had the experiences you’ve had with him? What about the baby?"
My hand went to my belly. She was right. If I hadn't hooked up with Todd, I wouldn’t have this life growing inside me. I'd wanted to be a mom, and now that was going to happen.
And I couldn't deny that Todd and I had some good times together. Not just the sex, but times when we talked and laughed.
"The truth is that love can make you do foolish things. And because it's scary as hell, it can make you think or overthink things that aren’t true,” Analyn finished.
I scoffed. "Do you think it's love that has Todd thinking that I cheated on him or that I got pregnant and decided I would tell him it was his so I could get money?"
Analyn took my hand in hers. "It's possible."
I arched a brow at her. "How is that possible?"
"Well, consider the fact that he discovered you were pregnant from a news item that said Mikael was the father. It wasn't that long ago there was another news item that said you and Mikael were dating. A man in love might be jealous to find out that the woman he loves is with another man and having his baby."
"But it's not true. Todd should know it's not true."
"Why should he know it's not true?"
I tensed and pulled my hand away. "Are you questioning me too?"
"No, honey. But I've known you most of my life. Todd hasn’t.”
I nodded. "He should know that I'm not that type of person."
She cocked her head to the side. "Are you sure he should know that? I know that after everything that happened after your engagement broke off, you shut down a little bit. How much have you opened up to Todd? Does he know that you're in love with him?"
I looked down. "I've been spending time with him and his son. I’ve been sleeping with him. I've worked with him."
"But have you told him how you feel? Has he told you how he feels?"
I shifted, feeling uncomfortable. Between the two of us, Todd had been the most open to saying what he wanted. He never said he loved me, but he said he wanted to continue to see me. "It's just been so complicated. He's my boss."
Analyn took my hand again and gave it a squeeze. "I get it. You know I do. I ended up marrying my boss. Remember how I said that sometimes love is so scary that you end up thinking things that aren’t true? Maybe that’s why he’s kept his feelings close to the vest.”
"His life is about building his business. I was there when his ex-wife would call, and he was always brushing her off. For years, he was estranged from his son."
She gave me a hard look, and I felt the shame she wanted me to feel at blaming Todd and making him be the bad guy. He said some terrible things to me, but hadn't I said them as well? I had said to his face what I had just told Analyn. And I knew the words hurt him because I saw it on his face.
"Let me play devil’s advocate," Analyn said.
"What have you been up to until now?"
"Picture yourself in Todd's shoes. He cares for a woman who works for him. But she is concerned about what could happen if it’s learned she’s sleeping with her boss. He sees two news articles connecting her with a younger, stronger hockey player. And instead of learning from her that she's pregnant, he sees it on a social media newsfeed. And then she tells him the reason she didn't tell him about the baby was because he's not family material."
Guilt burned deep in my gut, and I was angry at Analyn for making me feel that way because I knew she was right. But it didn't matter. We’d said too many hurtful things to each other.
"We’re beyond the point of no return."
"That may be. But there's a baby to think about. No matter what, the two of you need to work something out,” she said.
I wasn’t sure how we were going to manage it, but I knew she was right.
