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“Okay, well, the second reason is relationships are complicated. Eagle and I have kept things simple by containing our fun to his bed. Once we make everything real, there are bound to be disagreements and disappointments.”
“Do you not genuinely like him?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Don’t you wish to know everything about him?”
“Yes, I feel as if he has so many secrets and layers hidden inside.”
“Wouldn’t you agree how any disagreements or disappointments are worth knowing what he hides?”
“Yes.”
“What’s number three?”
“I’d need to leave you overnight.”
Fiona goes still. “You’d come back like last time.”
“He wants me to spend the night.”
“All night?” Fiona asks as her frightened voice cracks.
“He’s talked about me spending the weekend.”
“No, that’s too long,” Fiona says immediately. “I can’t be by myself for all that time. I don’t know where anything is. The house is new. I’ll get lost. I don’t know how to feed myself. You can’t be gone for that long.”
I wrap my arms around Fiona when I feel her spiraling. “I know you’re not ready. We’ll take it slowly.”
“You need to tell him how I can’t take care of myself. Even if you leave food, I won’t know what is inside the containers. I’m afraid to open my eyes. I’m sick. Tell him.”
“If I’m ever gone that long, I’ll hire someone to stay with you.”
“No strangers!” Fiona squeals, upsetting Gatsby who goes on alert. “They’ll hurt me. I’ll get torn apart. I don’t want you to go. You promised you’d never leave me in the dark.”
Hugging her to me, I feel like Eagle is a fantasy while Fiona is a flesh-and-blood responsibility. He can find someone else while this broken woman has only me.
Fiona is too upset to remain in the sunroom. She’s convinced we’re being watched. She worries about that often.
I take Fiona to her bed, where we cuddle under the blankets while Gatsby rests at the foot. I hug her to me like I did with Owen when he was scared. Fiona clings to my body, crying and shaking.
Even after she falls silent, she grips my shirt. I keep expecting Fiona to notice my bump. But maybe it really is only noticeable to me. Eagle didn’t pick up on anything even with me naked in front of him.
“Who would stay with me while you’re gone?” Fiona asks once she scoots up higher and rests her head on the pillow. She forces her eyes open in the barely lit room and tries to see me. “We don’t know anyone in McMurdo Valley.”
“I would interview people and find someone suitable for your needs.”
“Would they give me Xanax if I got scared?”
“Yes. I’d train them on everything.”
Fiona bites her bottom lip, considering what I thought she would never accept.
“I don’t want someone young. Can you find an older lady who can cook? The only woman I liked other than you was an old lady name Theresa. She made me meatballs and called me ‘baby.’ She was nice, but Zaja scared her off.”
“I’ll try to find someone like Theresa.”
Exhaling deeply, Fiona smiles. “What kind of tattoos does Eagle have on his body?”
